Re: CORRECTED VERSION (I hope): October 2002 Gutter Report

[Tater <tater@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

TO: C-I-C of the Viking Pigs (Gator)
FROM: United Vegetable Empire
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and
Woods Outback Report for October 2002


> >Item 6:
> >Regarding the Viking Pigs. Yes I know they have
> been running amok in the Outer Vegetable Territories
>looking for something they are calling the 'Golden
>Pineapple' in a series of chomp and destroy missions. 
>However, I'm not sure what you guys expect me to do
>about it? I'm the Director of Public Safety for the
>Gutter and Woods Outback... not the Outer Vegetable
> Territories...while the Viking Pigs running amok
> anywhere is always annoying - especially when they
>insist on singing 'In the Navy' while conducting the
>actual raid. There is not much I can do about it,
>other then offer the UVE some of our flamethrowers and
>more militant Gutter and Woods Outback dwellers, who
>enjoy roasted pig and BBQ, to help repulse the
>invaders.
> 
> Ahem. Some of the Viking Pigs were actually the
> root cause of the incendiary mishap. They startled
>the poor veggies preparing the firebombs.
> A few of the Viking Pigs were caught in the
> resulting blast. Rest assured, we gave them a full
>veggie funeral, complete with the consumption of the
> deceased, even though they weren't vegetables. It
> made for quite a nice Luau. So nice in fact that
>further incidents of amok Viking Pigs raiding
> the Outer Vegetable Territories may be met with
> slightly less accidental accidents. As the Head of
>the United Vegetable Empire, I do not condone
> such actions. I will, however, expect my subjects
> to invite me to the par... er funerals.
> 
> Tater I will need the actual numbers and personal
>affects of the deceased Viking Pigs. We appericate
>your veggies honouring our tradition of burning the
>dead. The deceased have now moved on to the 'Big
>Feast'
>in the sky. Where they sit with their Gods and feast
>on all the Veggies they can eat.

There were three of them caught in the blast. We've put their weapons and
armor on display in the Veggie Palace Hall O' Neat Sharp Things, we
especially like the helmets, but we'll take them down and return them
immediately. We weren't able to give them to the next of kin because they
headed off in further search of that 'Golden Pineapple' before we could hand
them over. 


> After talking with the Viking Pigs that came back
>from the mission to find 'The Golden Pineapple' a
>finger most be pionted at the real mischeif maker. My
>Viking Pigs were told that the pineapple in question
>would send them to immeditaly to the 'Big Feast'. The
>description of the little mischeif maker somehow
>matches that of the Director of Public Safety. Even
>down to the fact that they spouted off Rahne/Wanda
>ideas every few lines....

Ah. That would explain why they seemed to be after the firebombs so
intently, which are somewhat pineapple-like in appearance. On the bright
side, reaching the pineapples in question, did indeed send them to the 'Big
Feast'.


> Btw, the 'Golden Pineapple is on my desk serving its
>porpuse as a paperweight. Like it always has....

Well, if any more of them come by we'll send them to your office and you can
sort out the misunderstanding. We're also changing the color of the
firebombs from the usual yellow to a nice teal in the hope of avoiding
future mishaps.


tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)