Pardon the repost

["onewillie2000 <towillie@xxxxxxx>" <towillie@xxxxxxx>]

Reworked "Offkilter Christmas" slightly. About that time of year. 
Also OT included my own recipe for Christmas pies. They're super 
yummy but not for those on diets.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year

LOL Tom

>Title: Offkilter Christmas
>Author: onewillie
>Disclaimer: Joss and Co own all the characters, I just let them play 
around
>a little more.
Rating: PG-17, Maybe R
Distribution: Take it, Just let me know
Feedback: YES,YES,YES,YES, Just remember I don't pretend to be a pro.


'Twas the night before Xmas
And all through the crypt,
Not a creature was stirring,
No one except 
A poor little vampire,
Who nobody did love.
Not Santa, nor elves,
Nor angels above.
(Tho' one in L.A.
Knew he was there
And hated his guts.)
There was no one to care.

In front of his telly,
(reruns of Passions)
Empty of belly,
(no pigs blood for rations)
Alone and dejected
He sat and reflected,
On past evils he did
When he once was respected.

When out in the graveyard,
On small quiet feet,
A slayer and sweetheart
Did happen to meet.

"Dear Willow, my love,
Are you sure this is right?"
"Sweet Buffy, of course,
We must forgive on this night.
No creature should mope,
Whether alive or un,
All should feel joy,
And maybe some fun,
He has helped us out often.
(with reluctance of course)
But Dawn he has aided 
With no hint of remorse.
(And it's really a plus
That he's hung like a horse.)"

Through the headstones they crept,
All silent and sneaky,
And screwed up their courage
With a half pint of whisky.
To the door of the crypt,
Their baskets were full,
And love in their hearts,
(you know that is bull.)

The portal open they threw,
More foolish than wise,
And lept in the room
With shouts of "Suprise!"
They paused not a moment,
'round the area they flew,
And lit many candles
To keep out the dew.

Spike sat immobile,
Both stunned and astounded.
The look on his face 
Was slightly confounded.
A sheet they unfolded
And placed on the casket,
Smoothed it all out
And opened their basket,
A thermos of O,pos.
At 98.6
With a shot of AB
For a really quick fix.

The candles had warmed
The crypt up quite well,
Their robes were unloosened 
And synchronized fell.
Spikes' jaw dropped
At these visions of beauty.
"Who'd a guessed it." he thought,
"Lil' Willow's a cutie."
A lavender teddy
Complemented her eyes
And soft auburn hair
That fell to her thighs.
His gaze turned to Buffy,
Whose hair shone of gold.
Her firm and tanned body
Stood proudly and bold,
Encased in a chemise
Made completely of lace.
Both demure and sultry,
A smile on her face.
"Those legs," thought Spike,
"Could not be more right,
They'll keep your ears warm
On a cold winter night."

They moved to each other,
Out there on the floor,
And each others' bodies
With their hands did explore,
The most intimate of places,
And a little bit more.
Their lips met in kisses
Both sweet and obscene.
(God knows I tried
But I can't keep this clean.)

They with sensual movements
Each others garments did doff, 
And moving to Spike
Flat ripped his clothes off.
In bed, on tables and chairs,
And at least once on their feet,
Two full hours they spent
In dalliance sweet.

Relaxing a bit
To regain their composure,
They reclothed themselves
To reduce their exposure.
"Spike," spoke sweet Buffy
Upon reaching the door,
"It's funny but you
I no longer abhor,
Tomorrow is Christmas,
You should not be alone,
Move over to our place,
It's much more like home."

Spike stood bemused.
"It can't be love, there's no way,
For it's easy to see
They're both happy and gay."
Then his gaze happened to drop
To his (slightly sore) member majestic,
"I know," he thought proudly
"I'm better than plastic."

My poetry sucks,
Longfellow I'm not,
So under the collar
Don't get bothered and hot.
The thought is what counts
And I know mine is right.
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night.

And a very happy and safe New Year
Onewillie



GRAPEFRUIT MERINGUE PIE

1	cup	sugar	1	tbsp butter
1/4	tsp	salt	1/3	cup	fresh 
grapefruit juice
1/4	cup	flour	3	eggs 
seperated
1/2 tsp cinnamon	1	tsp
vanilla
3	tbsp	cornstarch	9 inch pie crust-baked
2	cups	water	meringue topping


1. Combine sugar, salt, flour, cinnamon and cornstarch, 
gradually stir in water, cook until thickened stirring constantly. 
(Note! If you don't drink the water from your tap, dont use it here.)
.
2. Stir mixture into beaten egg yolks, cook over low heat 
two minutes, stirring constantly.
Stir in butter, mix grapefruit juice and vanilla, stir in well over 
low heat, cool slightly, pour into pie crust and cool until set. Top 
with meringue and brown in oven.

meringue
3 egg whites	1 tsp cream of tartar	6 tbsp sugar
Beat eggs until frothy, add cream of tartar and beat until stiff. 
Slowly add sugar and beat until glossy,
Spread on cool pie, the meringue must touch edges of crust, sprinkle 
with cinnamon and bake in 450deg
oven until lightly browned, abt 5-6 mins.(note! eggs MUST be fresh, 
do not allow any yolk to fall into whites when seperating or whites 
will not stiffen.)