FIC, Scene XI, Scenes from the Rest of Their Lives

[B_H_Virgo <BHV@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Smoochies as promised, even extra smoochies cause I took so long to finish 
it.

Many thanks to Ivy for beta-wrasslin' this monster.

This is the end of Part I

Entire series archived at:
http://www.ikoly.com/fanfic/story.php?no=250


Disclaimers:

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and all characters therein belong solely to Joss 
Whedon, UPN, Mutant Enemy, et al, not this author. This story was created 
purely for fandom purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

Song lyrics from "King of Bohemia” by Richard Thompson, copyright 1994, 
Beeswing Music. Lyrics quoted for entertainment purposes, no copyright 
infringement intended.

Please do not repost anything without my permission and if permission is 
granted for reposting, reposts must include complete credit and disclaimers 
for use of copyright materials




Scene XI

“Let me rock you in my arms
I'll hold you safe and small
A refugee from the seraphim
In your rich girl rags and all”

Listening to Willow sing in an out-of-tune whisper, Buffy wasn’t sure if 
this was a dream or not but she knew the sad lullaby was meant for both of 
them.

“Did your dreams die young
Were they too hard won?
Did you reach too high and fall?”

She watched Willow rocking slightly against the headboard, knees drawn up 
to her chest, absently twining Buffy’s hair through her fingers as she 
stared out the window.

“Your eyes seem from a different face
They've seen that much that soon
Your cheek too cold, too pale to shine
Like an old and waning moon
And there is no peace
No true release
No secret place to crawl”

She reached up and touched Willow’s hand, lacing their fingers together.  
Feeling Willow’s hand tighten around hers, Buffy knew that she’d once again 
been forgiven.

“And there is no rest
For the ones god blessed
And he blessed you best of all”

Smiling down at her, Willow said softly, “Giles used to sing that for 
me...in England...at night. Last summer, I mean.”

“Giles sang to you?” Buffy asked, not quite able to picture it.

“Not exactly.” Willow smiled sadly. “He said he was ‘practicing’ and he 
always apologized profusely for ‘all the noise and bother’ but I knew what 
he was doing. It helped me fall asleep. I had a lot of trouble sleeping 
at first...” Taking her hand out of Buffy’s, she reached over into a 
plastic ice bucket on the nightstand, then turned back toward Buffy with a 
wet washcloth. “Here, close your eyes.”

As the light disappeared and the cold water soothed her scratchy eyes, 
Buffy sighed when she felt Willow take her hand again. She knew they had 
to talk about things, fix what was broken between them, but she also badly 
needed this peace and quiet, this feeling like they were off in their own 
private world. Even if this was an illusion, she wanted to hang on to it 
a little longer.

----

After a few minutes, Willow broke the silence. “Xander’s in jail.” She 
said it simply, knowing Buffy wasn’t going to take it well, no matter how 
it was presented.

“He’s what?” Wincing, not quite believing what she’d heard, the slayer 
pulled the wet cloth off her face and sat up

“He was in a bar and...”

“Oh fuck!’ Buffy threw the washcloth down. “I should have known he was 
going...Oh fuck, his eye! Will, is he hurt?” Buffy scrambled to get out 
of the bed. “We need to go get him.”

Willow caught her arm and held it, speaking firmly, “It’s OK, calm down.  
He didn’t get in a fight. According to Faith, he just killed a pool table.
And he can’t get out till he sees a judge. It’ll probably be tomorrow 
afternoon.”

Buffy pulled her arm out of Willow’s grasp. “Did you talk to him? Did 
Faith actually see him? Are you sure his eye is ok?” she demanded, her 
voice rising as she leaned down to put on her shoes.

“Buffy, I swear to you, he’s OK.” Willow insisted. “You know I’dbe there 
in a second if I thought he wasn’t. Faith and Dawn both saw him. That’s 
why they didn’t bring us lunch. They’re on their way back here now, soyou 
can get all the details.”

“Dawn went to a jail?!” Incredulous, Buffy stood up and looked down ather 
angrily. “And who decided it was OK for Dawn to go to a jail? Where were 
you? Where was Giles?”

“Buffy.” Willow rose and faced the slayer with as much calm as she could 
muster. She knew Buffy and Xander had fought earlier. She could tell 
Buffy had been crying all afternoon; it was not a good time for her to “get 
her slayer on.” Speaking quietly but firmly, the witch put both hands on 
Buffy’s shoulders. “Buffy, please, let’s be real, OK?” she said with 
raised eyebrows and a grim smile, ”Dawn’s been in much worse places.”

Moving away to sit on the end of the bed, Willow continued, “Xander called 
Giles, but for some reason, and I still don’t understand any of this part,
Giles and Robin...and Andrew...are all drunk. If all the giggling I heard 
on the phone is any indication, I’d say very drunk.”

“Oh, God, the stupid poker game,” Buffy groaned, slumping back down on the 
bed. “Male bonding,” she explained, adding, “To cheer Xander up.”

“Ohhh-kay...” Willow paused. “OK, now I’ve got that “Dogs Playing Poker”
picture in my head...whatever...Giles called me and I knew Faith and Dawn 
were already in a cab, so I called them and had them go check on him. The 
only other option was to send Vi or Kennedy or Shannon and I thought it 
would be less embarassing for Xander if we kept it in the family.”

“Why didn’t you go?” Buffy asked.

“Cause Giles said you and Xander had a fight and I was worried about you.”
Willow said, self-consciously, knowing they were getting close to 
discussing the events of this morning. “And...’cause I was really pissed 
off at him for being so stupid...for going after you like that. Like I 
need a knight in shining armor!”

“Willow, give him a break.” The fight seemed to go out of the slayer and 
Willow saw how exhausted she was. Her beautiful gray eyes were brimming as 
she went on. “I hurt you. And I’ve hurt a lot of other people a lot of 
times, including him. He’s grieving. He needed to hurt something back.  
He wanted to hurt me and I wanted to let him.” She held Willow’s gaze and 
swallowed the tears back. “I wanted him to beat the shit out of me.”

Willow got up and moved back to stand in front of the slayer. She reached 
out for Buffy’s hands and pulled her up so they stood facing each other. “
I’m glad he picked the pool table instead,” she said with a crooked smile.
“As far as hurting other people, Buffy, well...people hurt people. That’
s one of the things people do to each other, even non-slayer, normal-type 
people.”

Buffy pushed into Willow, laying her head on the witch’s shoulder for 
comfort. Willow wrapped her arms around her best friend and held her, 
rubbing her hand in circles across the slayer’s strong back.

“Buffy, at their best, at their worst, and in between, people do things, 
make rash decisions, act on impulse. They do things and other people get 
hurt. I’m not trying to say it’s OK or that it doesn’t matter because you’
re the slayer, or that you shouldn’t try to do better in the future, but it’
s not going to be much of a future at all if you don’t start living in it.
” The witch pulled back, sliding her hands back down to capture Buffy’s.  
Looking into the slayer’s troubled gray eyes for emphasis, she declared, “
You can’t keep looking backwards, Buffy.”

Willow thought for a moment, then took a deep breath, started to say 
something, then paused again, biting her lower lip. After another deep 
breath, she continued, “And as far as hurting me, well...yeah, you did.  
You hurt me this morning...and you’ve hurt me in the past.”

Willow paused, taking a breath, waiting for a response. Buffy couldn’t 
help but avert her eyes.

“And you know what else you did?” Willow asked. “You loved me. Buffy, 
you’ve loved me since the day you met me.”

Without looking up, Buffy smiled. Seeing it, Willow added softly, “And you’
ve wanted me too. I’m not sure how long, but...”

“A long time.” Looking up into her eyes, Buffy finished the sentence for 
her, then pulled Willow close, shyly wrapping her arms around the redhead’
s waist. They stood there swaying a bit, grinning at each other, just 
breathing in the sudden shift in their intimacy level.

Finally gathering up her courage, Buffy softly asked, “And what about you?
I mean, with the wanting...of me. A long time, right?”

Just as shyly, Willow ran her hands up and down the slayer’s muscled arms.
“Of course. That goes without saying.” She rolled her eyes, upward, 
suddenly embarassed. “Everybody knew it, Buffy. Even Tara.”

“I didn’t.” Buffy said with a pout, sliding her hands back and forth 
across the small of Willow’s back, allowing her fingers to dip in and out 
of her waistband and under the hem of her blouse.

“Yeah you did.” Emboldened by the intoxicating friction of the slayers 
hands on her skin, Willow slid an arm around Buffy’s neck, closing the 
distance between them till their lips were almost touching.

Leaning her head back into the warmth of Willow’s fingers on her neck, 
Buffy whispered, “Yeahhhh...” with a tiny shudder. “Yeah, I did.” Buffy 
closed her eyes. “But Will?”

“Yeah?” Willow tilted her head toward Buffy’s.

Opening her eyes, Buffy pulled back even farther. “I don’t want it to go 
without saying.”

Willow brought her hands up, gently pulling Buffy’s face back to her.  
“Then say it,” she breathed.

Buffy barely brushed Willow’s mouth with her own. “You love me.” Adding 
more pressure, she captured Willow’s top lip with both her own, holding it,
wetly tasting, then releasing it. “And you want me...” Their lips still 
touching, Buffy murmured, “and you’ve loved me since the day you met me.”

Willow tugged softly on the blonde’s bottom lip, suckling and pushing, 
deepening the kiss. When the tips of their tongues met, she gasped and 
grabbed the back of Buffy’s head, pulling her even tighter into the heat 
they were making.

Then abruptly, Buffy pulled away, her hands pushing against Willow’s 
shoulders. “Oh god...Will...I have to tell you something,” she panted.“
I’m so sorry! I’m so-o-o, so sorry I didn’t.”

“Buffy, sweetie, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter.” Willow whispered 
huskily, hungrily trying to bring her back into the embrace, but Buffy 
twisted away, holding both hands up, fingers wide against Willow’s chest.

“Stop, Willow. Please,” she said as firmly as she could, catching her 
breath. “This is going to matter, trust me.” She closed her eyes and took 
a deep breath.

“OK. OK,” Willow nodded, reluctantly letting go of the slayer. With both 
hands, she pushed her hair out of her eyes, then pulled it tightly back off 
her forehead. Taking a few deep breaths, the witch re-centered herself. “
Just tell me, what is it?”

“Remember earlier, when you were talking about people making rash decisions,
acting on impulse?” Buffy asked, backing away from Willow, reaching 
behind her for the edge of the bed, then sitting down. She paused, 
blinking, obviously still altered by their sudden brief immersion into the 
beginnings of physical intimacy.

“Yeah. OK,” the witch said warily. “So...what did you do?”

“After the fight with Xander...” Buffy began, then stopped, taking another 
deep breath, and continuing in a rush, “I made a decision...things just got 
clear...and I just decided when I was walking back to the room...and when 
I got back, the first thing I did was call the airline. I bought a ticket.
”

“To where, for when?” Willow asked, her voice dropping, her eyes 
questioning.

“Albuquerque. 10 oclock. Tonight.” Buffy answered.

The redhead exhaled, obviously relieved. “So we forfeit it.” She shrugged.
“Right? I mean, it’s just a plane ticket to the next state over. It’s 
not like it’s to Europe or China or something.” She nodded hopefully. “C
hange of plans, the Council account eats the cost.” She was watching Buffy 
for signs of agreement but not seeing any. “Buffy?”

Buffy’s shoulders slumped as she looked up at the redhead. “I don’t know, 
Will...I mean, this...” she waved her hands at the space between them. “T
his...us, I mean...it’s, well it’s more amazing than I ever thought, 
but...things are still so messed up. I’m still so messed up.”

The growing tension between two women was abruptly jarred when both were 
startled at the sounds of running along the walkway outside the room, then 
heard Dawn’s frantic voice outside.

“Buffy!” She pounded on the door. “Willow!”

“Shit,” Willow rushed to the door and opened it, Buffy right behind her.

“Dawn, what is it?”

Buffy was in full slayer mode, checking outside the door behind her sister.

“It’s Faith,” Dawn panted. “She’s down at the bottom of the stairs.”

----

Buffy ran out, pushing Willow and Dawn behind her, only to find Faith 
casually climbing up the stairway, clasping several brown paper bags in 
each hand.

Looking up into a trio of worried faces, she grinned. “Hey, it’s OK. I’m 
good.”

“Faith!” Dawn protested. Looking to Willow and Buffy in panicked 
frustration, she squeaked, “She almost just fainted!”

As the brunette slayer pushed past them into the room, Buffy carefully, and 
unsuccessfully, tried to stop her. “What the hell happened, Faith?”

“First off, I did not almost just faint.” Faith said firmly as she 
deposited the bags on a coffee table, then sat down heavily on the nearby 
sofa.

“You did so!” Dawn spluttered. “You were down on your knees!”

“I just got a little dizzy, is all.” Faith looked around, attempting to 
reassure them all. “It was a blood sugar thing, I guess.” She shrugged. “
We haven’t eaten in like...hours.” Shooting a look at the teenager, she 
added, “Cause Dawn made us leave our other sandwiches for Xander.” Finding 
a straw in one of the bags, she unwrapped it and jabbed it into the top of 
one of the soda cups, then savored a long audible slurp. “By the way, 
these are the replacement sandwiches, from the cafe downstairs, so it’s 
strictly chicken salad or tuna.”

“Are you sure, Faith?” Buffy asked, then looked over at Dawn. “You guys 
didn’t run into anything weird out there, right? I mean, other than Xander 
in jail?” She was beginning to calm down, seeing no reason to disbelieve 
Faith, who appeared to be fine, albeit ravenous.

“I’m a hundred percent, I swear, B.” Faith tore into one of the bagsand 
started pulling out sandwiches and sodas, opening the wrapping to check the 
contents of each, then handing them out to the other three.

“Fine.” Dawn flounced down on the couch beside her. “You’re a hundred 
percent. I’m just a hysterical idiot. You weren’t on your knees, all red 
in the face and sweating. Nope, didn’t happen.”

“I’m fine,” Faith stated emphatically, smiling as Buffy and Willow relaxed 
and sat down. “C’mon Dawnie, you want me to pretend to be sick just soyou 
can be right?“ The slayer good-naturedly pushed the teenager’s shoulder.

“Just gimme my damn sandwich.” Dawn glared at all of them.

----

As they ate, Faith and Dawn updated the other two on Xander’s situation, 
then Buffy laid out her “Buffy walks away from slaying” plan to Faith and 
Dawn. Trying to clear her mind so that she could make sure they understood 
what she was asking of them, Buffy did her best to avoid looking at Willow.
For her part, the witch looked pre-occupied but to Buffy, it seemed that 
she too was trying to keep what had happened between them on the back 
burner for now.

As Buffy had expected, Faith was completely on board with the idea of 
stepping in to the senior slayer spot. Buffy had worried more about Dawn’
s reaction to being left with the others, but the teenager was less upset 
at being separated from her sister than she was curious about Buffy 
willingly missing out on any upcoming action.

“So, you’re asking me if I’d rather sit in the desert and watch you stare 
at your belly button or go on a cross country road trip and help set up the 
new Watcher’s Council and find slayers and hang out with everyone and do 
exciting stuff all the time?” Dawn summed up.

Faith and Willow grinned as Buffy answered, “Yeah, that’s pretty much the 
deal. At least for a couple of months. We’ll have to renegotiate in 
August cause you will be in school this next September, wherever you may be,
understood?”

“Whatever. But what are you going to do all day, every day?” Dawn asked. “
Are you going to get a job and be normal, or what?”

“I don’t think so, not at first anyway,” her sister explained. “Giles has 
arranged for me to get retirement pay. I know it probably sounds boring...”

“God, does it!” Faith interrupted. “I couldn’t hack it, B. And I got my 
doubts about you.”

“... but I just need to hang out, do nothing, at least for a while. Think 
about things, figure out what I really want.” Buffy finished.

“You’ll get bored in three, no two, days,” the younger Summers predicted, 
slurping her soda. “2.5 days, to be exact. You’ll wake up from a nap onthe 
afternoon of the third day and your head will explode.”

“Maybe so, but Dawnie, I need to do this.” Buffy said firmly. “I’m 
completely and totally fried, which I don’t expect you to understand...”

“I know, I know, I’m just saying, you’re so not the Zen tranquility type.”
Dawn answered, chewing. “Better not sign a big long lease.” She looked 
around the coffee table for leftovers, then went to lay down on the bed, 
turning the television on with the remote, her attention completely on the 
screen.

“Well, so that went well,” said Faith with a smile, settling back on the 
couch, putting her feet on the coffee table amidst the bags and cups.

“Yeah, glad to see she’s so choked up about me leaving,” Buffy fake-pouted,
shooting a quick glance over at Willow. The redhead gave a tight smile, 
and patted Buffy on the arm. The slayer answered with her best attempt at 
an ironic grin, grateful for the witch’s gesture.

With a curious glance between the witch and the slayer, Faith queried, “So,
when does Buffy, ‘the Retired Vampired Slayer’ set up housekeeping and 
where is she going to park her trailer?” From across the room, Dawn 
giggled.

“Thanks for making me feel about 70 years old, Faith.” Buffy said, 
frustrated at the brunette’s attitude. “You do get this, right? You 
understand why I need this, don’t you?” Buffy asked earnestly. “I thought 
you, of all people...”

Faith locked eyes with her counterpart, completely serious. “I get it.  
Soul searching? Yeah, I highly recommend it, though next time, I’d rather 
not do it as a guest of the state...” she trailed off. Sliding her boots 
off the table, Faith sat up and leaned across to face Buffy. “I also get 
that you’re all used up. You need to recharge. What I don’t get is what 
you think is going to happen after this. You’re still a slayer, B. I’m 
not sure you’re going to be able to walk away from it forever.”

“I’m not sure of it either and I never said that’s what I plan on doing,” 
Buffy answered, her voice suddenly trembling with exhaustion. “Faith, I’m
not sure of anything, except that I feel like a zombie who just won the 
lottery. I have a life and I don’t have the first clue about what to do 
with it.”

“Buffy, I get it, I really do. I’m on board with the plan. I’m ready to 
step up, and I’ll do my part to keep an eye on Little Queenie over there, 
promise. Relax, OK?,” Faith put her hand on Buffy’s knee. Again, she 
glanced betwen Buffy and the unusually silent and tense Willow. “So, like 
I said, when does all this go down and where are you thinking about going?
”

“Well...that’s what Will and I were talking about when you guys got here.”
Buffy said quietly, hoping Faith wouldn’t pick up on the understatement.

“We were arguing,” Willow corrected the slayer, just as quietly, shooting 
a glance over at Dawn, then back to Faith. Her voice shook a little as she 
concluded, “Because I disagree with the timing part of Buffy’s plan.”

Feeling exposed by the emotion Willow was showing in front of Faith, Buffy 
felt herself blushing and she looked at the floor for a second in a vain 
attempt to regain control of the situation.

Faith and Willow watched the slayer’s face as she looked back up but 
avoided their eyes. The three women sat in silence for a few seconds, till 
Dawn muted the television. “What’s going on, did I miss something?”

“No,” Buffy answered, her confidence back, but only temporarily. “It’s just 
that I, well, there’s more I just hadn’t told you guys the rest of the 
details about...” Buffy floundered for a second, “about when I’m going to 
leave.”

“So when are you going to leave?” asked Dawn, clearly not picking up onthe 
reason for Buffy’s hesitation.

“Well, when I first thought about it...I mean, this morning it was just a 
vague idea. I didn’t really have a plan, much less a time frame, 
until...well, the fight with Xander made me face some things.” Buffy 
trailed off, watching Willow’s eyes.

“And the time frame is?” asked Faith, waiting.

“It’s now,” the slayer said simply.

“As in day after tomorrow now or as in 15 minutes from now?” asked Faith, 
her eyebrows raised.

“As in tonight” answered Buffy, quietly. “I’m flying to Albuquerque 
tonight. I’ll have to leave here around 7:30 because the airport’s about 50 
miles away, but the motel has a shuttle. Dawn, I thought maybe you could 
ride with me so we can have some sister time and make some plans.”

“Cool.” Dawn grinned. “Would those plans include increased cell minutes 
for a certain suddenly displaced orphan sister with no place to call home?
”

“Opportunist,” Buffy countered cynically. Still grinning, Dawn switched 
the volume back on.

Willow stood up suddenly and disappeared into the bathroom. Watiting for 
the door to close, Faith lowered her voice and leaned toward the other 
slayer. “Look, Buffy, whatever this...drama...between you and Red is, well 
that’s not my business, but I gotta say I’m not sure it’s a good ideafor 
you to cut out so quick.”

When Buffy didn’t answer, Faith pressed, “I mean, Albuquerque’s right 
around the corner, it would be another day, maybe two, on the bus with the 
rest of us...” she trailed off. “We could help you find a place, get you 
settled in. What’s the rush?”

The bathroom door re-opened and Willow stood in the doorway, obviously 
having just washed her face in an attempt to hide her tears.

Buffy stood up, started to go to Willow, then stopped herself. “Faith,” 
she said, turning back to the slayer, “Please just accept that I need ‘now’
to mean ‘now.’ I need to do this. I need to do it by myself and I’m 
ready now. I’m...”

“Well, maybe I’m not!” Willow’s interrupted loudly, her voice cracking. “
Maybe I’m the one who’s ‘not ready’ now.” Her eyes, now hurt andangry, 
locked with Buffy’s. She seemed oblivious to the presence of Faith and 
Dawn but Buffy was acutely aware of it and she felt the flush of 
embarassment on her cheeks. “Will, I’m not sure this...”

Dawn turned the television off and stood up abruptly, grasping the 
situation. “It’s OK, we should go anyway...um...see how that poker game’s
going, right, Faith?”

“Yeah...OK, yeah,” murmured Faith, glancing toward Buffy and Willow, both 
of whom stood with their arms crossed, not looking at each other. Rising 
and moving toward the door, Faith turned back. “B? Have you discussed this 
with Giles, cause, I’m not sure how sober he might be about now.”

“It’s OK, we had breakfast together this morning and he said he’d support 
me no matter what I decided,” Buffy answered calmly, glad for the chance to 
center herself before whatever was about to happen with Willow went down. “
Could you guys gather everyone up in the cafe in about an hour, say, 6:30,
for me? I feel the need for one last boring speech,” she trailed off with 
a lame smile.

“Ooo-kay,” shrugged Faith, opening the door behind her. As the slices of 
sunlight and happy sounds from poolside entered the room, she turned and 
motioned Dawn out ahead of her before one last look back. She paused for 
a second, as if to add something, but only said, “Later, then...6:30,” and 
shut the door, leaving the two silent women, slayer and witch, standing 
alone in the room.

----

Neither spoke right away. Buffy reached out, but the witch evaded her grasp 
and went to sit on the bed, leaning on the headboard, a pillow clutched to 
her chest.

“Will,” Buffy entreated, kneeling on the edge of the bed. “I’m at this 
place, like a major crossroad, maybe ‘the’ major crossroad in my life and 
I’ve been given a choice, a chance to have a future. I’ve spent seven 
years fighting so everyone else can have a future and now, I get mine.”  
Her eyes glistened as she watched the emotions play across on the witch’s 
face.

She continued, “And instead of taking the opportunity to make myself strong 
again, to grab my life and deal with it, all I’m thinking about, is you.  
And it isn’t really even ‘thinking’. It’s just about feelings and need.  
Feelings about you and the way you feel and the way you taste and they way 
you look at me and about what could happen between us. My head is full of 
you, of us, of whatever is going on between us.” She reached out for 
Willow’s hand on the bed. “And it shouldn’t be.”

“Why not? Why can’t this, us, whatever it is, be part of that future?” the 
witch demanded, tears in her eyes, pulling her hand away. “Why shouldn’t 
it be, Buffy? ‘Cause you’ve decided? ‘Cause you’re ‘ready’ now? Ready to 
leave, ready to ‘give me back’ to Kennedy?”

“Will,” Buffy started.

“As if,” Willow continued, drowning her out. “As if...I’m yours to 
give...or hers to give back.”

Frustrated, Buffy sprang off the bed, her hands clenched. She paused, then 
then turned back around to face the witch, pleading, “Look at us, Willow!  
These feelings have been between us for how long? We’ve never mentioned it,
we bring it out in the open and a half-hour later, we’re fighting over it?
Is that the way you want this, want us, to happen?”

“At least I want us to happen!” Willow shot back. “You want to fly away so 
you can go sit in the sun and invent another hundred reasons why we can’t 
ever be together.”

Stung by the witch’s accusation, Buffy struggled against the sudden need to 
lash out in retaliation. Needing to put physical distance between them, 
she crossed the room and sat on the couch, pausing to collect her thoughts 
before speaking quietly. “Will, our entire world was blown to smithereens 
and we’re wandering around the desert in a school bus, four days after 
Spike’s died, after I’ve just had a 12-hour hysterical crying jag, after my 
entire existence as I know it has changed and I’m sitting on a brand new 
empty white page without a fucking clue as to who I even am, much less what 
I’m going to do with the brand new rest of my life.”

“Buffy,” Willow pleaded, tossing the pillow aside, “Something has to be on 
that blank page, why can’t it be this, why can’t it be us?”

Buffy continued, as if she hadn’t heard the witch, “I don’t think you 
understand how incredibly...needy, starving, even, that I am right now.  
How can I possibly give you anything when I am so incredibly...voraciously.
..needy?”

Willow angily got up off the bed, her voice sarcastic. “So now it’s about 
me? You’re protecting me? From your great overwhelming need? Is that it?
”

“Yes!” Buffy shouted. “Will, right now, I am Sunnydale. I’m a big, giant,
sucking, gaping hole. I would devour you. I would tear us apart! So, 
yes, I am protecting you!”

Willow absorbed the slayer’s outburst, standing silently in thought for 
several minutes. She walked over and sat on the coffee table directly in 
front of Buffy, and placing a hand on the slayer’s knee, spoke quietly, “T
here are two of us involved in this ‘us’, this whatever it is or isn’t, and 
when you decided to bail, or protect me, as you call it, you made a 
decision for both of us. And then, whether it was deliberate or 
subconsicous, you hid it from me till the last minute. How is that 
protecting me?”

“I didn’t hide it from you.” Buffy’s voice was quiet, but frustrated. “I
wasn’t even sure you wanted to talk to me again, I had no idea you were 
going to forgive me, much less kiss me.”

Willow softly challenging her, “OK, so now you know. Now it’s different.  
Now, we’ve kissed. So now, Buffy, don’t I get a vote?”

The witch leaned closer and Buffy felt herself becoming overwhelmed. She 
knew how to fight, to hurt, to be hurt, but sitting inches away from 
someone who loved and desired her, who was gently trying to get her to open 
her heart was a threat that Buffy couldn’t handle.

“No, you don’t,” she heard herself say tonelessly. “And there’sno point 
in us going around and around. It’s done.” Buffy stated firmly, coldly, 
wrapping her arms around herself. She was shutting down, she even felt 
physically cold. She knew this response by heart, knew this drill. Next 
would come the hurtful remark, the lashing out. She slumped down on the 
couch, her arms folded across her chest, feeling her body turn to ice, her 
passion and desire for Willow disappearing, evaporating.

Willow placed her hands on Buffy’s. Buffy refused to look up. She 
desperately needed Willow to leave her alone. She just wanted to pack and 
get out of the room, be alone and far away from anyone.

She was suddenly aware of a strange warmth and a feeling not unlike static 
electricity coursed around her, tightening in on her, holding her 
down….What the hell was happening to her….her hands…arms...legs...what the 
fuck?

Magic.

The slayer couldn’t move her arms, legs, anything below the neck. She 
threw her head back wildly, instinctually looking for Willow’s eyes. And 
what she found was surprising. They were the usual deep green, there was 
no black. And the witch’s gaze was full of love, not the icy coldness of 
her dark magic persona. Buffy the slayer wanted to be angry, but Buffy the 
woman, could not even look away from witch’s face. “Your eyes…” she heard 
herself say.

“I intended to tell you sooner, but now you know. I’m running on different 
batteries since the spell,” Willow explained, with a slight smile, as if 
everything was perfectly normal, as if Buffy wasn’t paralyzed by magic. “
No more black magic.” She added softly, “Ever.”

Her body felt warm, calm, strangely relaxed and open, the need to fight 
draining out of her, but the slayer in her still didn’t want to surrender.
“Why are you doing this to me? Dark magic or not, I can’t believe you’d
do this, not after what happened between us earlier,” she said 
incredulously.

“And that’s exactly my reaction to finding out you’re about to leave all of 
the sudden.” The witch replied quietly. “You took away my choice in the 
matter. And this is the way it feels.”

“You’re doing this to pay me back?” the slayer continued to struggle to 
assert her will.

“No. I’m doing this because you were shutting down and closing your heart 
and I really think you need to listen to what I’m saying.” Leaning over, 
the witch placed her hands over Buffy’s and held them. Buffy noted that 
even though she couldn’t move her own hands, she could still feel the warm 
strength of Willow’s grasp.

“Well, you’ve got my attention,” the slayer said evenly. “What is it you 
want to say?”

“That I give up. That you should go ahead and leave. That I’ll respect 
your decision.”

“And?” the slayer asked quietly.

The witch replied, “And, in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t need 
protecting. You don’t have to do that anymore.”

“And?” The slayer’s voice was more patient.

“And,” Willow continued, “I do need you to respect me and ask for my input 
before you make decisions that have a profound effect on me. And, I in 
turn, will pay you the same respect.”

“And?” The slayer was slowly losing the will to fight.

“And...” Rising from the table, Willow knelt sideways on the couch next to 
Buffy, sliding her arm behind the slayer’s head. “And, if you had come to 
me first and told me you were leaving, leaving because you were scared of 
what was happening between us, if you had come to me and asked me how I 
felt, this is what I would have done.”

Willow was so close, Buffy could feel her breath on her face. She pulled 
her head back but Willow leaned over her and cut off her escape with the 
softest of kisses. First, just barely a brush of lips against her mouth, 
then the witch moved back a little, sought Buffy’s eyes, and holding her 
gaze, caught Buffy’s bottom lip with her teeth, teasing softly with her 
tongue.

Fighting for her will, the slayer begged, “Don’t...not like this, please!”

The witch raised her eyebrows slightly, and Buffy felt the magic crackle 
and disperse, her strength surging back through her body. It was 
unsettling, and she had to breathe through some queasiness for a couple of 
seconds as her control returned.

Looking up into Willow’s eyes, Buffy saw, for the merest fraction of a 
second, the hesitant young girl she’d fallen for seven years ago, a young 
girl afraid she’d gone too far, a girl entirely too accustomed to loss.

Then the girl was gone, the witch was back and Buffy pulled Willow into her 
lap and returned the kiss like she needed it in order to live, not asking 
for permission, simply taking what the witch gave and returning it over and 
over.

As their tongues slid over each other, Buffy’s mind raced, full of a 
hundred unanswered questions, choices, alternatives, and conflicting 
emotions and ideas.

Willow pulled away from the slayer’s mouth, her hands tangled in Buffy’s 
hair, her lips kissing their way up the slayer’s jaw line. “I can feel you 
thinking,” she whispered and the slayer shuddered, feeling the hot breath 
in her ear. “Stop thinking, Buffy.”

“But there’s a lot to think about all the sudden,” Buffy panted as Willow 
continued to torture her with soft kisses around her ear, her temple, the 
base of her jaw. Buffy pulled Willow up so that one of the witch’s thighs 
slid between hers. Both gasped at the sudden increase of pressure and heat 
between them. “Five seconds ago I was furious with you for holding me down…
then four seconds ago I kissed you…and I have to go…and I have to remember 
that…I have to remember that I need to go and…and that’s what I’m thinking 
about ‘cause…all of the sudden I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea 
anymore….”

“Stop thinking.” Simply, insistently, Willow repeated. “I’m not going to 
let you miss your flight.” Her teeth came to rest on the top curve of 
Buffy’s ear, just barely touching the skin.

“Or your shuttle.” The witch nipped the slayer’s ear lobe delicately.

“Or your speech.” Suddenly Willow’s mouth was back on hers, all too 
briefly before whispering again, their lips still touching, “I just want 
you to stop thinking, for one minute. Be here with me. Completely. Now.
”

“The thoughts won’t stop. I don’t know why,” Buffy hissed, as Willow 
plunged the tip of her tongue into the slayer’s other ear, then began a 
slow languorous journey downward across her neck. Buffy felt like she was 
in a whirlpool, the struggle between her body and her mind creating a 
vortex she from which she couldn’t escape.

“Then I’ll have to make them stop,” Willow countered, the tip of her tongue 
painting a tiny wet spiral along the top of Buffy’s jaw. “Is that whatyou 
want?”

“I don’t know what I want,” the slayer whispered.

“I think you do.” The huskiness in Willow’s voice made Buffy nearly swoon,
her hands pulling Willow’s body even closer to hers, their thighs 
straining against each other’s. Buffy shivered as she felt the witch’s 
tongue continue to slide hotly down her neck to her scar, the physical 
memory of Angel’s bite. “...please…oh god…please...” All of Buffy’s 
emotions combined with the heat in her body as the witch ground into her 
while nibbling and suckling at the scar. It felt to Buffy as if her entire 
blood supply was racing to bloom into that spot, heeding only the witch’s 
mouth. Then without warning, Willow bit down hard, and then from somewhere 
beyond thought and words, Buffy heard herself sobbing in response to the 
long shuddering spasm that ripped through her. Blindly she pulled Willow’
s head up, kissing her chin, her cheek, her eyelids, finding her mouth, 
then trying to give the witch all the tenderness she’d ever felt for her, 
losing herself in the fiery sweetness of the deep bond that had brought 
them to this moment.

Was it minutes? Hours? It could have been days later, for all Buffy knew,
when Willow broke the kiss, waiting for the slayer’s eyes to open, then 
placed a finger across Buffy’s swollen lips before she could speak.

“You’re going to go now, because we know you have to.” Willow’s beautiful 
eyes glistened as she whispered. “But when we come back together, this is 
where we start. Right here. This close.”

---

“You’re sure she said 6:30?” Kennedy asked, raising her voice to get Faith’
s attention.

Giles and Andrew were between the two women on one side of a long table in 
the motel cafe. Andrew was motionless, asleep face down on the table. Giles 
was pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead as he squinted at the top of 
the small aspirin bottle he was trying, rather unsucessfully, to open.

“Huh?” Faith was staring out the window of the cafe, completely distracted.
“Jeez, all of the sudden it’s like 100 degrees in here...”

“Damn child proof contraption,” the watcher muttered in frustration. From 
the other side of the table, Wood silently grabbed the bottle out of Giles’
hands in irritation.

“Buffy? 6:30? Important meeting? Hello!” Kennedy then shot a strawful 
of crushed ice at Faith. The ice hit the plate glass window and splattered 
into the other slayer’s face.

“Watch it, you little shit!” Faith swung around with a growl, wiping the 
ice out of her hair and eyes.

“Ladies,” Wood intoned from the seat opposite Faith, his head resting on 
his hands. “For the love of god, can we take it down a notch or two?”

“Yes, remember I am a man of the cloth,” giggled Giles, attempting to take 
the aspirin bottle back from him.

“You said you were hot.” Kennedy said to Faith sarcastically. “So, where 
are Buffy and Willow?”

“She said 6:30, so cool your jets,” Faith said, glancing around the tables 
next to them. “Dawn and the others aren’t even all here yet. What the hell 
else do you have to do, anyway?” The slayer took a napkin, dipped it in 
Andrew’s untouched glass of water, and began to wipe her chest and neck, 
distractedly. “God, maybe I am coming down with something. I’m burningup.
”

“Medic!” Giles waved his wrinkled napkin in Wood’s face as the principal 
clumsily attempted to get the lid off the aspirin with a knife and fork. “
This woman is about to catch fire and ... my immense...head...is in danger 
of imminent...implosion,” again the watcher began to giggle. “And this 
poor, poor, dear boy seems to have expired.” Giles patted Andrew’s head 
and Wood snickered.

Kennedy stood up quickly, rocking the table. “I am so... completely... out 
of patience with this...fucking... freakshow!” she shouted. She wrested 
the pill bottle out of Wood’s hands and crushed it open in one fist, 
shaking the pills out on the table in front of Giles, and slamming the 
bottle down on the table top where it spun to a stop in front of Andrew’s 
nose.

Giles and the principal spluttered into laughter as Kennedy stalked off, 
past the largely disinterested stares of the others who were gathering.

Faith gasped, seemingly oblivious to the outburst. Breathing deeply, she 
braced herself with her palm against the table, the other hand flat on her 
chest. She looked over at Wood in confusion.

“Hey,” he tried to stopped laughing, seeing her concern. “You OK?”he 
finally asked.

Faith’s hand flew to her pulse point, then to her lips, then back to her 
neck.

Wood handed her his glass of ice water. “Here, you’re all...flushed.”

Faith chugged down the glass of ice water. “Tell me something I don’t know,
” she exhaled raggedly, sitting the glass down with a wobbly hand. “Flushed?
Yeah...just a little...”