FB: The Slayer's Family (Part 1 of ?)

["Matthias Engel" <Solarsenshi@xxxxxx>]

A brave soul you are, posting this right into the whole discussion thing.

Well, you said you wanted feedback, so I give it.
For a first fic I say it is a nice start. I know how hard first tries are.
Heck, my first try ended up being completly rewritten later... There are a
couple of things I would like to point out.
First of present tense... Um, it is a matter of taste I guess but personally
I could never really grow fond of an author writing present tense. It's just
too weird. I have hardly ever seen a professional author using present tense
and it gives me the creeps everytime I see it.
Second, the formatting is a little bad but that could also be the usual
transfer problems between origibal post-Yahoo-receiving the mail (in a
digest that is), so I'm not sure if it looked that horrible in the original.
Third... Since I said it myself just one post before this, I guess I have to
criticize it. The "oh, I love Tara but I also love Buffy! How can I love two
women" (and vice versa) angle is... dull. Overdone. This is a little like
the typical "let's make the pairing work for the sake of the pairing, who
cares about the characters?" approach. You might want to give their feelings
a little more depth and don't just shout them out at the reader so totally
bluntly. Try to be a little more subtle, have the characters confused or
hesitant. And don't repeat the same line again and again. It tends to sound
like a bad romance movie...
Fourth... You are a little liberal, aren't you? It's Quentin for starters
(since I believe we are speaking about Travers here), then Dawn can't really
be 15 in S3. If I have that right she should be around 15 in S6 at best. And
Faith... Yes, you explained Faith in the story and that was alright, totally
justified to do so, just a little confusing. If you are going to make it a
little AU-ish try to say so in the header. Less chance of people getting
confused. Oh... and I have absolutely no problem with a little Faith/Dawn
side ship.
Otherwise I think the idea of Buffy actually having a brother is interesting
and I can't recall seeing anything like it before (from what I can recall
and I read a lot). This does have potential.

I did by no means want to sound harsh. IMHO an author needs constructive
criticsm and this is what I gave and will always at least try to give. It is
supposed to help, not discourage you. I hope to see more from your work and
your progress.


Ja ne, yours

Matthias


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