Re: OT: MIA Vampire Fruit Bat and Koala - Gutter Emergency!

["ebailey140" <ebailey140@xxxxxxx>]

--- In buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Bill Gopher" 
<asagiri@m...> wrote:
> To all Gutter Dwellers,
> We have an emergency! Shadow, our resident Vampire Fruit Bat and 
Sam Koala have been KIDNAPPED!!! After several weeks of searching 
through the vampire tomato patches and turning mouthy cabbages into 
coleslaw as well as conferring with our resident Gator who has also 
been searching for them. 
> We have come to one incontrivertable truth... the evil adults in 
concert with the Spuffy 'shippers have kidnapped Shadow and the 
Koala. Either that or they don't have bail money! ;-) Thusly, as VP 
of Lawyerial Affairs I'm releasing Bo-Bo the Attack Lawyer to track 
Shadow and Sam down who also have the were-Hacker's favourite chew 
toy!
> Quin, I'm taking out Bun-Bun my hovertank and I'll not stop 
searching night and day until they both are found. Also I'll be 
borrowing several nuclear powered cole-slaw launchers just in case I 
run into any evil adults or Spuffy 'shippers or even worse......Joss 
himself (for the evil he called S6 & S7).
> TTFN,
>
> Bill Gopher
> Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs
> Middle Finger of the Hand of Chaos
> Card Carrying Member of GWBNS (Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society)
> Resident Gopher in the List Gutter and Woods Outback
> Proud Papa to Matthew and Alex Gopher
Doubt the Spuffies are involved.  Their focus on their war with the 
Ducks has become an obsession, to the point where they see a Duck 
conspiracy behind everything.  Accusing Ducks of cutting them off on 
the highway was a bit much, I thought, and it's been a real headache 
for us in the Department of Inter-Ship Harmony (or DISH, for 
short).  The Spuffies still don't get who their real adversaries 
are, no matter how many attacks by Xanderista Guerrilla Squads 
they've endured.  

Joss, on the other hand...  We had recent reports in the last few 
days of Shadow's activities in South America, hunting down annoying 
dark haired spoiled brats named after US Presidents.  I would 
speculate that this is retaliation from her supporters, though why 
they've targeted Sam I can't begin to guess.  Joss's involvement is, 
again, subject to pure speculation, but we can't rule it out. He was 
taken aback during a recent interview where the interviewer said 
some unpleasant things about W/K, calling Kennedy a stalker, among 
other things.  So, steps may be being taken to protect Joss's pet, 
who is also a constant target of the Dawnies, and especially the 
previously mentioned militant Xanderista Guerrilla Squads.  

Let me state here, for the record, that DISH denies allegations that 
we are backing the XGS's activities.  We maintain that there are 
peaceful ways to achieve one's goals that don't involve violently 
eliminating the competition.  Reseachers in our Magical Science labs 
have developed all manner of methods to re-bond a blonde Slayer, a 
red haired witch, and a white knight, though the ethics involved 
with some are questionable, and could have dangerous consequences.   

We at DISH are, as always, seeking peaceful resolutions to the 
current crises, and have opened talks with the XGS.  There was some 
confusion early in the talks, due to accusations that DISH 
sympathizes with blonde vampires.  "Look at your name!", we were 
told.  We sorted out the confusion, and, while we remain firm on our 
stance that Mercedes is quite a dish, we strongly sympathise with 
the XGS's concerns. 

E 


Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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