fic: And Dandy!...B/W, R

["cocoachanel67" <cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxx>]

And Dandy!
Red:cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxx
W/B, rated R
Joss' folks.
Summary: A day of new fun results in a rather embarrassing sitch for 
Buffy & Will.
Distribution: Just ask.



    "Will, calm down."
    "Oh goddess! Goddess! Goddess!!!!!"
   The redhead frantically paced the living room. On the sofa, Buffy 
continued to try and calm her.
    "Will, it's ok, I'm ok."
    Willow stopped mid-pace and looked at her girlfriend.
    "Ok? Ok? Buffy, you have a&stuck in your&a thing is, stuck, 
there, in your, your&.." She waved her hands in the air. "That! 
Stuck! Your beautiful, gorgeous, sexier than thou slayer&.stuck!" She 
resumed her pacing.
    The Slayer tried not to smile but couldn't help it. The girl was 
just so darn cute.
    "Willow, look at me. Will?" Willow returned her emerald eyes 
back to the pretty blonde. "We will fix this, ok? It's not 
apocalyptic. We have dealt with way worse problems and you know it. 
Hello, three years of Cordelia Chase."
    "Eighteen."
    "See!"
    "Buffy, this is so different. This isn't Cordelia bad or vampire 
bad or even crazy hell god bad. This is&stuck in you bad!"
    "Will?"
    "I'm sorry, Buffy, so sorry, goddess I'm sorry!" she cried, 
moving to the sofa and kneeling down.
    Buffy took her hand.
    "So not your fault, my Willow," she said, caressing the smooth 
of her girlfriend's palm. "I wanted to try it."
    "But I messed it up! And now you have to stay on your tummy and 
you've got a little purple tail and-"
    "Not so little, Will." Willow whimpered and Buffy squeezed her 
hand as she giggled. "It's ok, Will, really."
    "I have to fix this," Willow murmured, standing up. "I messed 
it, I have to fix it."
    "Willow, you did not-"
    "Research! That's it, research&..Giles! I'll call Giles!
    She grabbed the phone and hit the speed dial to the Magic Box.
    "What?" Buffy gasped. "No, Willow, no Giles!"
    "Hi Giles, it's me. I've got a big problem."
    "Willow, no, no! Hang up, now!"
    "You can? Thanks, ok, see you in a minute, bye." She hung up and 
looked at Buffy, a smile on her face. "He's on his way."
    "Willow!"
    "Buffy, this is good. Giles is Mr. I can fix anything."
    "Will, I'm Ms. Naked on the sofa with a vibrator stuck in my 
butt."
    Willow's smile faded and she went pale. The last thing she heard 
was Buffy calling to her as she hit the floor.

+++++

    "Giles, hi, sorry to have bothered you for no reason but it's 
ok, everything is just fine and dandy here, so you can go away. Hi, 
Tara."
    "Hi, Willow," the blonde replied, smiling.
    Giles looked at the redhead on the other side of the doorway. 
Something was going on.
    "Willow, what do you mean, everything is fine?" he asked.
    "And dandy, ya can't forget dandy," she noted, the smile ready 
to jump from her face.
    "On the phone, you said you had a big problem. You were in 
hysterics. Now, ten minutes later, everything is fine?"
    "And dandy, ya keep forgetting the dandy." 
    She attempted to close the door but he stopped her.
    "Willow?"
    "That's me, Willow, hacker gal and magic mama. You need a spell, 
I'm your witch. Well, you sorta already have your own, personal witch 
cause you've got Tara, which is so the good, cause the two of you? 
Cute, table for two! I mean, I have never seen a more adorable couple 
and you guys are always so happy and all snuggly and cuddly and 
that's the best cause hey&a happy Giles is a more efficient evil 
fightin' Giles! And a happy Tara makes an even happier Giles, which 
goes back to the evil fightin' and efficient and&"
     The Englishman raised a brow. Sighing, she stepped back and let 
them in. Tara closed the door behind them and followed Giles into the 
living room, where they found a robe clad Buffy standing next to the 
sofa.
    "Buffy, what's going on?" he inquired, looking at her.
    "Nothing, Giles," she answered, forcing a smile. "We're fine, 
everything's fine."
    "And dandy!" Willow added, moving next to her.
    "Why don't I believe that?" he mused, eyeing them.
    Both the Slayer and the witch opened their mouths to speak, but 
were stopped by a sudden buzzing sound. They looked at each other so 
fast, they nearly got whiplash.
   "What's that?" Giles asked, his eyes moving from Buffy, to Willow 
and back to his slayer. "Buffy, are you aware that you are, buzzing?"
    She swallowed hard, her blue eyes wide with innocence.
    "I am not."
    "Buzzing? Buffy?" Willow laughed nervously and stepped closer to 
her girlfriend. "Nope, I don't hear no buzzing," she clepped, 
slipping her hand around the Slayer, an attempt to turn the toy off.
    "Willow, I clearly hear buzzing and it appears to be coming from 
Buffy."
    He took a step towards them and Tara grabbed his arm.
    "Sweetie," she began, gently shoving him in the direction of the 
kitchen. "Why don't you go and make us some tea. I would really like 
a cup."
    "Tara, darling-"
    "Tea sounds good, doesn't it, Will?" Buffy quipped, turning to 
her.
    "And dandy!" Willow added, once again hitting Giles with the 
bigger than life smile.
     Giles furrowed a brow then looked at Tara. She smiled and 
nodded and he reluctantly went into to make some tea. Once the sounds 
of running water could be heard, Buffy and Willow sighed deeply.
    "Thank you!" they exclaimed in unison.
    "No problem," she replied, moving over to them. "Now, is that 
what I think it is?"
    Her smile made both the witch and the slayer blush profusely and 
Willow carefully reached under the robe. However, before she could 
stop the buzzing, the front door flew open and two very familiar 
voices filled the air. A horrified Buffy watched as Anya, Xander in 
tow, came barreling in.
    "See, An, everyone is fine," Xander said, looking around the 
room.
    "And dandy!" Willow quipped, the excitement of the new arrivals 
causing her to jump, forcing the toy in a bit further.
    Buffy gasped.
    "Something must be wrong,' the ex-demon stated, her brown eyes 
studying the trio by the sofa. "Giles and Tara flew out of the shop 
like their bottoms were on fire."
    Buffy whimpered softly.
   "Honey,' he said. "Look around, there's no-what is that sound?"
    Tara moved to block Buffy from their view as Willow attempted to 
shut the toy off.
    Xander furrowed a brow in thought.
    "I know that sound," he muttered.
    Anya suddenly broke out into a huge smile.
    "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed.
    "Nope, no gosh here!" Willow quickly replied, unable to get to 
the off switch with any stealth.
    "Ohmygosh!" she repeated.
    "Anya," Tara began. "Shouldn't you be watching the shop?"
    "Why does that sound so darn familiar?" Xander mused.
    Buffy leaned against Tara for support. Willow was still trying 
to stop the buzzing and in the process, was managing to press into 
the Slayer's now tender bum even further.
    "Poor Buffy," Anya sighed, her smile now sympathetic.
    "Anya," Tara warned, glaring at her.
    "Oh!" Buffy cried.
    "Sorry," Willow murmured.
    "Have you tried warm water?" Anya inquired.
    They looked at her.
    "Warm water?" Willow said.
    "It worked for Xander and I, when I was his pimp mama and he was 
my little slave whor-"
    "Oh dear God!" he exclaimed, his girlfriend's story making him 
finally realize what was going on as three pairs of amused eyes fell 
upon him.
    "Slave whore?" Tara, Buffy and Willow purred together.
    He cracked a nervous smile.
    "Those chicken feet ain't gonna sell themselves," he noted, 
running out the front door.
    Anya sighed.
    "Men. Oh well, try some nice warm water. Nothing removes a 
lodged sex toy like it."
    There was a loud crash and everyone turned to see an extremely 
visible shaken Giles, standing over several broken cups.
    "Dear Lord," was all he managed.

Finished
    
    



    


    







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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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