Fic: Totally Snowed (Christmas Theme) B/W PG13

[Silverna <silvernawolfe@xxxxxxxxx>]

Totally Snowed
by Silverna
(silvernawolfe@xxxxxxxxx)

This is a Christmas themed romantic fic for the Wiffy
board.

DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Buffy and
Co. Grizzle, Argh! 

RATING: PG13

SPOILERS: Set partway through Season 7. Willows back
from England. Spike is souled and crazy but not with
Buffy yet. The Potentials have arrived with Kennedy
showing interest in Willow but those two arent
together yet. B/W
* * *


Two girls walked down Sunnydale's main drag in the
snow. The lithe redhead was trying to catch snowflakes
on her tongue while singing (tunelessly) 'Favorite
Things' from Sound of Music. The small blond
accompanying was enthusiastically puffing air out,
trying to make as much 'cold steam' as possible.

"I love snow!" proclaimed Willow Rosenberg to the
world at large. A passerby gave her a strange look.
Buffy just laughed.

"Yeah," she said, "the last time I played these crazy
snow games was when Ang..." and she petered off.
Willow gave her a sideways glance. 

"Yes?" she said encouragingly, praying that Buffy
would open up and talk to her. It hurt her deeply that
after seven years of best-friendship, said best friend
was opening up less and less. She'd agonized over
their growing distance on long and lonely nights spent
sightlessly watching TV. All the agonizing had led her
to believe the reason must be one of two conclusions. 

The first was that multiple world-savage along with
multiple deaths had taken their toll on Buffy. As a
defense mechanism she had closed herself off to the
pain that sharing would bring up. That was...bad, but
from Willow's viewpoint, bearable. Because if that was
the case their friendship was salvageable; indeed
Willow even had a duty to help Buffy past it. The
second postulation (stuff of nightmares) was that due
to recent events Buffy simply didn't trust her. That
was much worse, mostly because there wasn't much that
she could do to rectify it if so.

So she held her breath. Buffy was looking at her boots
as she trudged (yes trudged) along and now darting her
own sidelong glance at Willow. 

"It's no big deal," she said. "Just me and Angel did
this sorta thing once, one Christmas that feels like a
lifetime ago. This reminded me."

"Oh?" said Willow, scarcely able to believe her luck.
A real and honest-to-goodness revelation of Buffy's
inner workings! Small to be sure, but real and out
there between them.  To her it glowed with
implications of friendship growing strong again.

"Yep," said Buffy. "I was so happy back then. I really
believed..." She trailed off but Willow heard all the
unsaid words and understood the sudden twisting
despair on the slayer's face. After all, it was the
same expression that stared back at her in the mirror
on her bad days. Impulsively she reached out to grab
Buffy's glove with hers.

"I know." Buffy looked over at her.

"You do," she acknowledged. They walked a little in
silence. Willow held Buffy's hand tightly. This was
nice. Familiar togetherness. 

"I've really missed you," Buffy told her out of the
blue. "Missed...us." She swung their hands a little to
emphasize her point. 

"Mmm hmm." Inside Willow was doing Xander's happy
snoopy dance.

"Mocha?" suggested Buffy as they reached the cafe. 

"Yes please." And they went in. They sat at one of the
high tables on high chairs and Buffy swung on her seat
while Willow dangled her legs back and forth. She felt
transported back through the years to happier times.
She saw from the lack of usual tension on the slayer's
face that Buffy felt the same. It was nice. When the
waitress brought the mochas and they'd taken off their
gloves to warm their hands on them she spoke up.

"Merry Christmas!" 

Buffy grinned back jauntily. "Happy Hanukah!" Ah. The
old ritual. Would Buffy play with her again? She
decided to see.

"I don't see what's so happy about it." Arched
eyebrow.

"How can it not be happy? You have no grinch. We on
the other hand are the proud owners of both a grinch
and a scrooge." Willow giggled. Buffy glowed in
response. It was nice to hear Willow giggle. She
hadn't heard that since Tara. Emboldened by the giggle
she said, "God, I've missed your laughter." Willow
sobered a little.

"There hasn't been much to laugh about. For
ei...either of us."

"True."

"Yet tis the season of, uh, laughter."

"Joy to the world, uhuh."

"And maybe, just this once, joy to us?"

"Bring it on. I could do with some joyin'."

"That sounds dirty."

"Maybe it is."

"Oh really? Well, what does it mean then?"

"Y'know (blush), playing with the happy st..."

"Don't even say it! Eugh Buffy, that's disgusting."

"To you maybe. Now that you don't er (choking noises)
drive stick."

"I CAN'T believe you just said that! Who died and made
you Faith?"

"I'd pesonally call it hanging-around-Xander-itis."

"And it's disgusting in general. Not just to a...woman
of the world such as myself."

"Woman of the world?"

"East meets west and all that. Two teams, batting for
both..."

"Now I don't even know what you're talking about. Your
analogies are screwy."

"You know what analogies are?"

"Hey! Don't insult the blond! It's bottle remember?"

"I never would. You're smart in lotsa other ways."

"Now you're just pacifying me."

"A wise choice, Miss 'I punch through walls with my
fists of fury'."

"Oh I think you can probably take me, black-eyed
girl."

Uncomfortable silence reigned as their banter caught
up to them. Willow looked away from the charged
tension, thinking of being her dark self, of punching
Buffy through a wall with ease and glee. She felt a
warm and slightly sticky (from the mocha) hand settle
lightly over hers and risked a glance up.

"Bad thoughts? I'm sorry. My puns are moldy and off."

"No, it's alright. I was just...thinking about it, but
not in a, ah necessarily bad way. I mean, it happened
Buffy. It's out there. Between us. Maybe we should,
um, talk about it?" Buffy sighed and looked at
Willow's hand slipping out nervously from under hers.

"Do we have to?" she asked, and her voice was
strained.

"No," said Willow, and that was true. But a heaviness
had settled over her with the memories, and now her
thoughts turned irresistibly towards the woman whose
violent death had lead to her own descent. Sweet
gentle Tara. Too innocent to die like that. Her
slightly unfocused eyes settled on Buffy. If she
squinted just right she could almost imagine...

"I hope you're not doing what I think you are," said
Buffy, and she roused right quick. 

"Um."

"Because it's not fair." Buffy didn't sound mad. Just
sort of sad with a kind of forced amusement. "I can't
squint and see any of my ex-honeys in your frame."
Willow squeaked. Now Buffy grinned a real grin. "It's
okay," she said. And compassionately: "You miss her."

"So much," admitted the witch. And they sat silently
again. 'I guess playing's not gonna work after all,'
thought Willow. 'There's just too much...pain between
us now. I wish we could start again.' Buffy was
looking at her, ducking her own head to peer into
Willow's eyes. 

"Are you okay, Will?" she asked. Her hand came up
again, this time to cup Willow's cold cheek in a
gesture the witch loved. She remembered clearly every
one of the few times Buffy had used this particular
gesture over the years. In sufficiently boring classes
she'd reminisced about these tender touches, listed
them in chronological order and replayed them. She
couldn't help the sigh that gusted from her suddenly
parted lips. She couldn't help leaning into the touch.

But Buffy's answering sigh was a surprise. Also
surprising was that the hand stayed and was now
brushing lightly over her skin in a kind of caress.
Willow held her breath...

And saw spots flash before her eyes and felt Buffy's
hand now un-gently tapping her face for attention. And
breathed in great gasps of air. And stared at Buffy's
worried face staring back at her, into changeable eyes
that had so many Willow-oriented expressions known and
filed by her but now...now were filled with something
indescribable because she'd never seen it in those
depths before. Leastways not directed at her.

"I just want to be happy again," Buffy told her,
earnestly, and then the kicker. Buffy (her Buffy, her
reason for staying) was leaning in with a definite
'I'm going to kiss you now' expression and Willow was
frozen with panic (here comes the end of our
friendship!) and desire (I love that thing she does
with her lips) and good old-fashioned NEED. And Buffy
halted about two inches from her face and they stared
at each other for a timeless moment. As Willow watched
(still frozen) Buffy's eyes grew huge and deer-like
and she squeaked out:

"I'm gonna kiss you?" 'Great,' thought inner-Willow
with some serious disgust. 'I don't even get the
moment of ecstasy before the moment of truth. This so
isn't fair.' Out loud she managed to stammer out:

"R...really? W...when?"

"Uh," Buffy blinked. "That's okay with you? Right?"

"Mmm."

"'Cause I could, um, stop."

"No!

Um, okay. Are you sure?

Yep.

Sure that youre sure?

Double yep.

You have no, uh, reservations?

Why? Do you?

Well, youre a girl.

A gay girl.

Im straight.

So far.

Yes, well, er youre my best friend.

Convince me.

We dont want to ruin the friendship.

By making it better.

I screw up relationships.

Only half the equation.

Youre sure?

Yes.

Clear on what were doing?

Crystal.

Your breath smells nice.

Thank you. Staller.

Alright. Im going in.

Buffy licked her lips. Took a deep breath (which
Willow felt due to proximity) and leaned in with her
head tilted to the right. The bumped noggins gently
and Buffy swore. Then apologized. But she didnt back
off for which Willow was truly grateful. And then the
slayer tried again. She leaned in with her head tilted
to the left, tentatively placed her lips over Willows
and kissed. Her eyes drifted closed at the touch.

Soft. Softer than a boys. No distracting stubble.
Soft warm dampness and resisting pressure. A tingle.
In her lips and skittering down over her spine.
Heading for the nether regions. She squirmed a little
and adjusted the pressure, pushing in harder. Mmm. The
sensation of being kissed as Wills lips were brushing
over hers. She heard the moan from the back of her
throat with some surprise (she didnt remember letting
herself make that sound). Tingles all over. Trust
between them. This kiss: familiar and yet the
strangest thing shed ever experienced. Feeling Willow
whom shed felt in so many ways in this oh-so-new way.
Identifying her within the kiss by her scent
(strawberries and pine overlaying human and girl), her
vibe (leashed thrumming magical energy), her taste
(creamy mocha, aloe skin). Feeling young again. Like a
gangly teenager having her first serious kiss behind
the detention block. Hearing the eager whimper that
was her Willow. Feeling wanted. Important. Able to
truly influence anothers happiness. She smiled
against Willows lips.

And felt her best of friends smile back. They broke
off breathing heavily. 

That was... Buffy smiled again. Her cheeks ached
from the force of that smile.

Wow, agreed Willow. And you know, she continued
thoughtfully, brushing her fingers over her own lips
in wonder of the event, it wasnt even the kiss.

Huh? said Buffy.

It was us, said the witch. It was because it was
us.

Yknow, I think youre right.

Good.

So, uh, what now?

We do it again, with tongue.

Mmm, I mean, no! Waitaminute...we need to talk about
the uh, ah implications.

Again?

Well, we didnt really cover it the first time.

Okay. If we have to.

Buffy ran a shaking hand through her hair. Okay. Now,
you know I love you. As a friend.

Oh please dear Goddess...

What?

This. Is. Not. Happening.

What? No! Im not doing the so lets just be friends
talk. Its okay! Really! Hang on a sec, I just need
to gather my thoughts. Buffys hands rushed back over
to capture and still Willows trembling ones. Okay. I
have it. I was saying that although I love you like a
friend there are lots of kinds of love.

Mmm.

Friendship love, and family love, and romantic love.

And also mother-to-child specific love.

Uh right. Which is not part of this conversation.

Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry. Nervous here. Going out of my
mind.

Sorry. Its not bad, I promise. Look, Will, youre my
very best friend but youre more.

Thank all the higher powers and make them many
offerings!

Yes. Youre like a sister to me.

Oh. My. Goddess.

No! No, thats not a bad thing. Geez, Im doing this
like Im Anya before she was human. Bear with me,
Will. Listen, theres more uh, love that I, er, love
you with. I think I also have feelings of the hearts
and puppies kind.

Think? Hearts and puppies?

Well, I, er love you an awful lot?

Awful, huh? Look, Buffy, I think you better let me
help you out here, for both our sakes.

Meekly from the slayer: Fire away. Willow smiled
gently into her eyes.

I love you. She said it with all the emotion of
seven years of hopeless waiting and thwarted desire.
She said the words like they were a frightened
discovery by teenage nerdy Willow (as they had been)
and the oft-thought reflection of mature and
slightly-more-poised Willow. She put her heart into
her eyes and held tightly to Buffys hands and let her
bottom lip quiver freely with all the suppressed
longing flowing out from inside of her. She watched as
Buffy took all this in and put her enhanced senses to
work on it. She watched Buffys eyes widen and darken
with responsive emotion.

Oh. The slayers voice was husky.

Yes, said Willow simply, and lifted Buffys right
hand to press a fervent kiss against it. She held the
(quivering) hand to her lips and slowly, deliberately
looked at Buffy with a heavy-lidded, smoky gaze.
Merry Christmas, she purred. She didnt feel bad for
pulling out what Buffy had previously referred to as
her Willowy-Wiles. You only got one chance in life
at the really important things (so she had found) and
this was too important and too long coming to give
anything less too. It would either play out
stupendously well or hellishly badly and there was
nothing she could do but stop herself from blaming
herself later for a lack of trying. Buffy seemed to
register this.

Big guns, she murmured looking dazed.

Cocked and ready, murmured back Willow, then snorted
with laughter. That sounded just so...wrong. She
lowered Buffys hand but didnt let go.

You love me, repeated Buffy, trying to still her
shaking hands held in Willows. Trying to gain some
semblance of control. Trying to calm her shaking
heart. Really, she felt like she was about to go into
cardiac arrest on the spot. And what would happen
then? Willow would give her mouth to mouth? Oh God.

Love, confirmed Willow. Like a rainbow. She
laughed again. This could be the prelude to a
breakdown. 

Wha... Buffy licked her dry lips and tried again.
What about Kennedy? 

Who? Willow was blithe. Then her eyes narrowed.
What about Angel?

Hes long gone.

Yes, but what if he came back?

Im taken. Said so easily, thoughtlessly. It rolled
off her tongue and hung there in the charged air
currents between them, shiny and new and inescapably
there. They both pondered it. Until Buffy said:

What about Oz? If he came back?

Please, hes the reason I turned to girls. No wait,
that technically not true. Youre the reason.

I am? Wow. I guess youre the reason I turned too.

You mean it? Look, Buffy, are you telling me all
these years...you never noticed anything?

You mean you liked me for that long?

Um. Maybe. Who wants to know?

The Buffy that is traditionally blind and stupid when
it comes to Eros?

You know who Eros is?

Well, I killed a demon who claimed, mistakenly I
hope, to be him, and he gave me a LOT of boring
back-story.

Oh. I didnt know that. How come I didnt know that?

I uh, wasnt talking to you at the time.

Oh. Oh thats...oh.

Im talking to you now.

Your choice. Id rather be doing talking of a
different kind.

Youll thank me for this when out relationship is
strong and solid like a rock.

Our relationship? Thats such a generic,
easily-misinterpreted word. I mean, weve always had a
relationship per-se.

Okay. Our new...attachment.

That makes me sound like an appendage.

Whoops. Sorry. Didnt mean to um, compare you to a
list of books. Uh...

So you really didnt know?

I may have known...

May have?

Do you believe in repressed noticings?

Do you believe in torture of innocents? How could
you?!

This is going nowhere.

Agreed. This helps exactly zero in getting our
repressed and raging sexual tension on the table.

So what do you suggest?

We go somewhere more private than cafe central and
make out.

What? Leading to what exactly? Wild monkey love?

No! That would be...skanky. Weve barely even
started...doing whatever the hell it is you wont
admit to us doing. Nobody sleeps together until at
least the third date. Nobody who isnt Cordelia that
is. Or Faith. Or Spike. I refuse to be skanky. You
havent even brought me a mocha yet. Oh no! Did you
sleep with skanky Spike on the first date? Did you
even date? And what about Spike?

This is getting hard to follow, Will. As for Spike,
hes insane. Literally.

But still disconcertingly sexy and raring to go bump
in the night.

Im less desperate than I was.

Because you have Ol Reliable, desperate Rosenberg
hanging all over your every...

Willow. Buffy cut her off with the well-timed word,
said with slayer-authority. And while she paused
there, hanging on the threshold of another nervous
babble Buffy leaned in and delicately kissed her nose.
Youre so cute, she said by way of explanation. And
Spikes nothing to me. A bad decision at a bad time. I
mean, I do care about him in a way, and I do want to
help him now he has his soul. But hey, hes not my
Will. 

Although, said the witch, unable to stop herself,
he does happen to be named William, which Will is
short for, a factoid that I find disturbing and mmph.

This time shed been stopped by a gentle kiss on the
lips - silk brushing across gossamer. Hmm. She could
see a pattern emerging. A pattern she could take
advantage of!

This, Buffy told her quite seriously when she opened
her eyes again, is the best Christmas slash Hanukah I
have ever been alive for. I am holding you solely
responsible.

Okey-doke. Willow knew she was smiling goofily. She
was also considering initiating a game of footsy with
Buffy under the table. Happy day indeed!

We've got lots to talk about, went on the slayer in
that voice she usually reserved for commanding
speeches. Miles to go before we sleep and all that.
Unconsciously she paused to leer and Willow blushed
feeling a hot flush spread up the back of her neck.
She knew she should object to being leered at but
Buffy didnt even know shed done it (or shed be
fire-engine red too) and besides, it went a ways to
assuaging the insecurity of does Buffy truly want me?
Am I leer-worthy?

I want you to know... Buffy paused again, this time
mischievously. Willow leaned forward expectantly. I
kinda love you.

Oh you do, huh? said Willow, and promptly launched a
tickle fight. This caused unprepared-Buffy to fall off
her chair and land on her butt with a crash. That sent
the waitress running over and Willow apologizing
profusely to both of them. With a muttered explanation
Buffy grabbed Willows hand and dragged her out of the
cafe.

Youre alright, right? asked Willow for the third
time, without any decrease in her anxiety level. You
didnt uh, bruise your tailbone?

Nope, my slayer-self has saved me, intoned Buffy
gravely. Thank God for super powers and a hot body.

Im thankful. Youre sure youre unbruised?

Yep.

Good. So that means its totally fair when I do
this... And the witch re-launched herself at hapless
slayer to send them both rolling through the snow,
tickling non-stop and laughing madly. A passerby gave
them a strange look. A second passerby grinned at
them. They ended up (courtesy of slayer speed and
strength) with Buffy holding Willow down in a drift,
conveniently using most of her body to do so.

You know, she said, with tenderness once again both
old and new to Willow, all of this...this day, what
youve said, what youve shown me...you...

Tell me, whispered Willow.

Buffy swallowed and looked into trusting green eyes.
Im totally snowed, she said.

Me too. Im under an avalanche.

Are you freezing to death and you need me to save you
with my superior body heat and ah, body-heating
techniques?

Of course.

Thank you.

Youre welcome, lil Missy! Um, for what?

Being you. Giving me you. This. An actual happy
holiday.

Any time, lil Missy. Heh heh. Hey Buffy?

Yeah?

I kinda love you too.

Buffys whole body thrummed with warmth. She lightly
brushed red hair away from the beloved face and stared
deeply into smiling eyes.

Yknow, I think Im ready for tongue.


THE END 
(but the beginning of B/W!)





























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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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