After the First B/W, T/D pg

["cocoachanel67" <cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxx>]

After the First
Red
Joss' folk.
B/W, T/D...pg
Summary: My version of what happened after...and before.



+++++

Um, k, Willow here.

Guess ya kinda figured that much out...it is my laptop. Not that I'm 
the only one who uses it, cause Dawnie does, Tara too, 
sometimes...Buffy tried...um, we don't talk about that.

Things here in London are nice.

Buffy and Faith are doing wonders with the new girls. And Dawnie is 
becomming quite the astute little Watcher. She's been so the great 
help to Giles...keeping things in the office running while he finds 
new Watchers. There's a job that seems fun but isn't. Actually, it 
doesn't seem fun.
We beat the First...we lost some girls in the process, but we won. 
That's what matters, right? Winning? That's what they say, but any 
life loss shoots that theory straight to the Hellmouth. We lost 
Spike, too...but, um, he popped up in L.A. in Angel's office like, a 
few days later...still trying to figure that one completely. 

After we kicked First bum...sorry, living in England now...we met 
Angel and his gang, Spike included, in Cleveland and took care of 
that Hellmouth...yay us! That was 2 months ago. Two long months ago.

Xander and Anya are in L.A. now, helping Angel and said gang. They 
got married last year...beautiful yet somewhat unique ceremony. They 
took Andrew with them, to L.A. Spike and some of the girls are 
currently in New York...Amanda, Kennedy, Rona, Melanie, Pyper...some 
really icky demon living in the sewers. The rest of us, we're here in 
England. New slayers keep arriving, keeping us busy.

Well, keeping Buffy, Faith, Tara and Giles busy. I don't actually do 
a whole lot these days. Not that I don't want to...I so want to. It's 
just hard...I kinda got hurt in the big Cleveland closing. Had to do 
some serious magicks and the head evil there sorta used them against 
me...drained me good and thoroughly. Giles said I'll get them back, 
it will just take some time...cause I was hurt so bad physically. I 
can't remember how many broken bones they counted, but last week was 
the first time I've walked since then. And it was using the 
crutches...with Buffy right there by my side, of course. I'm not 
allowed to do anything without her, she's so worried about me. 

We're together now, Buffy and I...together, as in, a couple. Yeah, I 
know, still kinda surprised myself...then again, I've always loved 
her, so in a way, not so much.

Wanna know how it came about? It was right after the big dancing 
demon hit Sunnydale...he made us sing all our secrets...Buffy sang 
about being pulled from heaven...yeah, she was in heaven...not some 
hell dimension, heaven. And I pulled her out...took it away from her. 
That's when it started...my spiral into the badness. The guilt was so 
strong, I lost it.  Literally, I started abusing the magicks, hurting 
myself...not eating, not sleeping...Tara saw it first and warned the 
others...warned Buffy. They tried the whole, intervention thing, but 
that only made me worse. I hated myself for hurting the person I 
loved more than anything...and I wanted to be punished. So I punished 
myself as bad as I could.

Tara saw that, too...I think she always knew that I loved 
Buffy...even before me. So when she and Buffy found me that night, in 
the alley, having magicks withdrawl in the car I had crashed...broken 
arm, busted open head...it was Buffy who moved into the bedroom and 
Tara who moved out. It was Buffy who took care of me...staying with 
me 24/7, cleaning me up, holding my spasming body, soothing me 
through the tears, the whimpers. Oh, everyone helped, the whole 
family...Xander, Giles, Dawnie, Tara and yes, even Anya, who was 
surprisingly supportive. Gosh, Spike helped, too...in his own, 
special way...he beat the hell outta Rack, my magick dealer, telling 
him if he ever gave me anything again, he'd kill him.

But Buffy was the one who never took a break...who saw me at my very 
worst, who heard every cry, every plea for just one little hit of 
magick...Buffy who took all the abuse that spewed during those times. 
It was Buffy, who was ready to take me out that day...the zoo, my 
favorite place...Buffy, on that day, who refused to let me waste away 
in the room anymore...Buffy, who flipped me over her lap and spanked 
me until I promised I wouldn't give up. Buffy, who afterwards, looked 
me in the eye and told me she loved me, too.
The zoo came the next day...that day, she showed me just how much she 
loved me...all day and all night.

We still have bad days...I still have them. But with the help of my 
family, I learned to control my power...Giles and the coven here 
where he and Buffy brought me last summer did wonders with me. 

And it's Buffy who keeps me in line...keeps me from giving up...keeps 
me over her lap so I don't fall back into the bad. My experience in 
Cleveland left me with a brand new gift...I'm now empathic...I can 
feel others pain sometimes...feel in a serious way. That leads to 
badness sometimes...but Buffy is always there to catch me.

And Tara...beautiful, wonderful Tara found happiness again...in a 
place that threw us a bit. Tara is with Dawnie now. They were always 
close, but with everything that happened, well, that made them even 
closer. Everyone was kinda worried about me, but Dawnie, she was also 
worried about Tara and, well, they kinda fell in love. Dawnie turns 
18 next week and I'm pretty sure their relationship will be 
consummated upon aging. As crazy as Tara is about her, she wouldn't 
dream of taking their relationship to that level until then. Not that 
Dawnie didn't try like the dickens to push her.

You're probably wondering how Buffy feels about this. She's way of 
the happy. She loves her sister and she loves Tara like a sister, so 
what more could she want than for both of them to be happy? And Tara 
makes Dawnie happy and Dawnie makes Tara happy so, well, do the math.

Well, that's it...I feel bad for Faith and Giles, cause, well, we 
have each other...Buffy and I, Dawnie and Tara, but they are kinda, 
um, well, they don't have anyone. But Dawnie and I are working on 
fixing that...sh, don't tell Tara and Buffy.





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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