FIC: "Madness Used To Be Mine" (3/12)

Part 3

Morning was there.

Buffy started moving a bit more in bed. Willow knew the slayer would be awake soon.

The redhead had been awake for a while but hadn?t moved, trying to understand the events of the previous day. And most of all, trying to understand what she was feeling right now.

Buffy stretched her arms; she was awake.

Willow closed her eyes.

Buffy opened hers. She felt Willow?s head on her chest. The slayer looked at the ceiling, thinking about last night?s events. She swallowed a little bit. It felt awkward to her, knowing she?d slept with her best friend. She wasn?t so sure now that it had been the best of ideas but then she took a glance at the supposedly sleeping redhead in her arms.

Buffy smiled, Willow was very cute when she was sleeping like that.

Buffy pulled herself together. It was true they were grown ups now. And they were best friends; there would be no problems between them. They could share everything with each other. Buffy couldn?t say it had been a displeasing experience. That?s how she was looking at it.

A good experience she?d done with one of the person she cared the most about.

?Willow?? She whispered.

Willow slightly mumbled, as if she was slightly waking up.

Buffy smiled, ?Will??

Willow opened her eyes. She lifted her head just a bit to look at Buffy.

They stared at each other. Buffy bit her bottom lip a little worriedly, ?Are you... ok??

?Yes.? Willow looked at the window, noticing it was daylight, then she looked back at Buffy, ?You??

Buffy nodded. They smiled a little awkwardly at each other then Buffy smiled more keenly, ?I?m glad then. I?m glad we shared this together, as friends.?

?Yes, friends.? Willow repeated, keeping her shy smile.

Buffy then looked at the alarm clock, ?We kinda have to hurry now though, psych test in 30 minutes, remember??

?Oh, yes.?

Willow swallowed as Buffy moved away from her and got out of the bed. Willow couldn?t describe this feeling but she didn?t like it, that, she knew.

She pulled herself together and got out of the bed too.

?You know what? I think I?ll tell him it was a joke.?

Willow frowned, confused.

?Riley? Remember the whole wedding thing. So I figured I could jut tell him something about how he looked when he saw me there, admiring those wedding dresses. Do you think it will work??

?Err, I don?t know.? Willow looked troubled, she shook her head, ?Yes, probably.? She ended as she pulled herself together.

?Cool.? Buffy headed to the bathroom with a smile. Willow followed.

They got ready rather silently.

They headed to Maggie Walsh?s anticipated test.

When the bell rang Willow didn?t have the time to compare notes with Buffy on what she?d written about during the test as the slayer headed straight to the TA and they left together.

Willow stayed a while in the hall, thoughtful.

She wondered where those feelings were coming from but then she thought about Oz and what her love for him led her to do the previous day. She was missing him a lot. Willow explained last night?s feeling with this reason; it came from her missing her lover. She needed comfort. She needed love.

What happened between Buffy and her was nothing to be taken seriously or Buffy would do it. No, really, it was all just because of Oz.

Willow convinced herself she just had to be more patient. This whole thing would blow off.

She would feel herself again... Soon.

A couple more days went by. Buffy and Riley seemed to be getting closer. Willow seemed to be getting over Oz for what her friends could tell.

Then there was a Sunnydale-only-type-of-crisis when all the inhabitants lost their voice and some of them ended up literally heartless.

Buffy, while fighting the cause of it understood Riley was more than he seemed.

Willow had her own fight in the dorm that night which led her to meet another adept of magic; Tara. Together they managed to hold back the threat that laid on their life with magic as they seemed innately in sync and stronger together.

A couple more days went by during which Buffy finally decided to see Riley's new side as a bonus for her, for them. In the end they seemed to be doing the same thing; fighting evil.

They started dating officially.

Willow started spending more and more time with Tara. She liked being with her and it was easier for her that way. She really felt getting over Oz finally. She felt better towards his departure. She felt better period, but it was hard for her to know if it was Tara's presence or the fact that she and Buffy weren't seeing each other too much these days. Buffy was busy with Riley and Willow for her part was almost always with Tara.

She wasn't looking at it that way though. She kept telling herself that nothing had changed between her and Buffy. Every time they were together in class or with the gang, everything was normal. Buffy was still acting casually, talking mostly about Riley and the military operation he was part of; The Initiative, and that she would soon be introduced to them.

Buffy came back to their dorm one morning, before school started. She had been out all night. Willow was almost about to leave for her first class at that moment.

"Oh my God, Will." Buffy said as she sat beside her on the witch?s bed.

"We did it!" She sounded excited as she readjusted her top for the third time since she'd stepped into the room.

"Oh, really. It's great." Willow frowned at the lack of enthusiasm in her voice.

Buffy was too ecstatic to notice.

"We spent the night together after patrol with his team last night. It was incredible, Will. And he was still here this morning and he seemed still very much fond of me. It was? I can't believe this. I think I'm really falling for him." Buffy got up to head to her cupboard and she started changing clothes.

"What do you think, Will?"

"About what?"

"About what I've just told you. Riley and I. Isn't that awesome?"

"Yes, he's great."

Buffy noticed the sad look on her best friend's face, she sat beside her again, "You'll find the right guy too, Will. It's only a matter of time but you will. If I did, you sure can cause my dating record sucks more than yours. No offence cause you know what I mean, right?"

Willow nodded, she took her books, "I need to go now or I'm gonna be late."

?I'll be late, but it was worth it." Buffy said with a wicked grin.

Willow gave her a shy smile and walked to the door, "See you later, Buffy."

Willow went to see Tara right after school. They were studying.

At first they used to practice magic all the time when they were together but soon they?d been studying, talking and even having breakfast out once. Willow realized most of the time now they would do a little magic and then just talk or even simply, just be together silently. Today was one of these days.

But today Willow was extra silent. She had lots on her mind, lots she wanted to share but it wasn't easy. So for now, she was really silent.

Tara kept glancing at her once in a while. She didn't like that look on the younger witch.

"Willow?"

"Yes." Willow looked up at her.

"Are you alright?"

Willow meant to say yes but the gentle look of Tara and the genuine concern in her voice made it impossible for her to lie. She just looked down at her book again, closing it. She stayed silent.

"What's w-wrong? You look so sad t-today."

"No I'm... Really, I'm fine."

"You know you can t-tell me, right?"

"Yes, but it's really nothing, I mean, I didn't even know I looked sad; I was? just thinking." Willow lowered her head once again, "Well, I guess that means I am sad about it." She admitted to herself.

Tara kept looking at her nicely, trying to understand.

Willow took a deep breath, "Tara I? I think I'm in love with my best friend."

Tara nodded, she looked hesitant but finally went on, "I guess you're t-telling me because? you're not t-talking about Xander here, are you?"

Willow nodded, she looked almost ashamed, "I mean... I didn't mean to imply you were, I mean, you know-"

"I-it's ok, Willow. I do p-prefer girls." Tara shyly admitted.

They stared at each other. Willow looked sad, "And I'm sorry about telling you this; maybe it's not what you really expected and-"

"Shh," Tara gently cut her with a nice smile, "I do like you? a lot. But I'm your friend f-first. And I'm glad you feel you can t-trust me with this. If I can help, I will."

"I don't think there's much to do but I had to tell someone; and there's honestly no one it feels good telling."

"Did you tell her?"

"No, I can't. I mean, I know she doesn't see me that way. Plus her and Riley, well, it's really serious now."

Tara understood, "I see. But, how, when did you realize the feelings you h-had for her?"

"I don't really know. I'm still not sure of what I'm feeling in fact. I mean I thought it was because she was, well, she's Buffy, you know. Everyone tends to get a crush on her at some point. She's pretty admirable when you think about it. We've always been so close but I thought, well, I use to have a big crush on Giles cause I admired him. And Buffy, it's always been admiration too but then?" Willow trailed off.

Tara didn't dare to ask.

"We slept together." Willow confessed what Tara had already guessed.

"And it ch-changed things, right?"

Willow nodded, "I mean, I realized, I mean, God I don't know; I think I'm getting crazy."

"No, no, Willow. It's normal. But what did she tell you then?"

"Nothing, I mean, she just... We were just experimenting; I mean, supposedly experimenting. It was a bad time for both of us I guess. I was still mourning after Oz and she was feeling lonely too, you know."

"Mourning after Oz?" Tara inquired before going on, "When was it?"

"Early December.? Willow admitted.

"Wow, it's like, kinda f-fresh. I thought it was older."

Willow shook her head negatively. She looked sad.

"I'm sorry, Willow."

"It's ok. I needed to tell someone I guess and you? Well, what I mean is, more than that thing with Buffy, I'm kind of trying to understand what I really feel for? well, girls and boys."

"I understand. You thought it was only Buffy."

"But then I met you." Willow honestly said and they stared at each other.

Willow then looked aside, "And now I'm just not sure of who I am anymore. I mean? It changes so many things."

Tara smiled at her, "I think it's great you t-told me because if I c-can help you I will. But for now, I think you j-just need time."

"I guess."

"Maybe you sh-should talk to Buffy about that, though. It could m-make you feel better towards her."

"I don't think I can. But thanks. I'm really glad I told you. I'm glad I met you. You've really helped me a lot already. I wanted you to know that."

Tara smiled at her and they looked back aside shyly.

"I guess we should study now."

They quietly started reading their books again.