FIC: Sequel: Angel of Mercy

["xenarip13" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title:  Angel of Mercy
Sequel to:  Hold On
Author:  Bynx
Rating:  PG
Spoiler:  All is fair game
Disclaimer:  Joss Whedon is the great creator.  I own nothing.  No 
songs used belong to me.  They belong to Melissa Etheridge and 
Aerosmith respectively.
Summary:  Buffy's answer.



Angel of Mercy


Two days, it has been two days since Buffy held Willow in her arms 
as she sobbed over her confession.  Buffy sits on a tombstone with 
her arms wrapped around herself.  With her eyes closed tight, she 
can almost feel the witch in her arms.

"Hello, Love," Spike breaks Buffy's reverie, "Ain't seen you since 
our lil'&"

"Shut up," Buffy stands to face the vampire she sometimes 
calls `friend', "It didn't happen.  I don't want to think about it, 
talk about it, or even vaguely remember it&Nothing.  Go away."

"Hold up!" Spike grabs her to keep her from leaving, "You can't just 
kiss a guy and then act like nuthin' happened!"

"Nothing did happen," she pushes him away, "Nothing important."

"You were awful into it if it was nuthin!"  Spike swings her around 
to face him again.

"Spike! Fuck off already!" she screams in frustration, "Look, I'm 
sorry you're obsessed with me&I'm sorry I used you.  I did feel, but 
not what you want.  I simply felt."

"I'm not obsessed!"  the vampire argues, "I have real feelings for 
you, Slayer and you felt something too."

"Yes&"  Buffy tries to explain, but Spike hears only the yes.

He pulls her to him, capturing her lips in an ardent kiss.  Buffy 
simply doesn't respond at all to his cold passion.

`I did this.  This is my fault.  I took his obsession and used him.  
I used Spike and it hurt someone I&"  Buffy pushes Spike away 
tumbling over the tombstone that had just been her perch.
"I love&" Spike looks up at her expectantly.

"Willow."  Buffy finishes astonishing both of them.

"That fucking red-headed witch!" Spike drops into his game 
face, "How could you&"

"Don't say another word, dead boy!" she rages at him, "Just don't, I&
I'm sorry.  Take that because it's all I can give you, but don't 
ever talk about her unless you have a sudden urge to be Hoover food."

Buffy turns and walks away from Spike.  She keeps a brisk pace 
moving out of the cemetery toward her house.  Sitting in that house 
is her best friend and she is sitting there hurting.  The blonde 
slayer knows that she is definitely a large part of that pain even 
if she was unaware.

`All that feeling&the love&the pain&how could I not know it?!  All 
these years&' Buffy breaks into a run trying to get to her red-
head, `How could I not know I love her?!...Easy Blondie&You haven't 
really loved anyone in a long time&'  her own mind supplies to 
her, "I let all the wrong people in&" Buffy says out loud as she 
stops on the sidewalk leading to her door.

She stands staring.  She knows the witch is the only one in the 
house.  Dawn is on study date, Xander and Anya are at home, and 
Giles hasn't been around since the sing along.  Tara won't be back.  
Somehow the thought of facing Willow is enough to terrify her more 
than any big bad ever has.

`What do I do now?' she drops her head to look at her frozen in 
place feet, `I know what I feel&Finally, I feel, but will she even 
listen to me?'  Buffy's legs finally take her to the porch, `I ran 
away from her after her confession&and it was so powerful and 
truthful.  I let her get up out of my arms and leave my room without 
offering any more to her than, `I'm holding on&'  How pathetic,'  
Buffy ducks her head in shame, `Then, I haven't spoken to her since.'

"I deserve for her to have given up on me, finally."  Buffy says to 
herself as she walks through the door, "How do I make her 
understand?  Hello, emotionally stunted slayer here?"

`She used music&'  her mind whispers to her, `but she's a witch.  I 
can't do what she did&No shit!...we really are blonde aren't we?'  
Buffy smiles at her own arguing as she huffs hair out of her 
face, `Use music&pick a song a good song that can make her see how 
you feel.'

"I hope that works.  I don't know how I can go on with her now."

"That easy&we simply can't.'  She answers inside herself knowing it 
is the truth.

Buffy walks upstairs quietly and slips into her room.  She already 
knows the song she wants.  It describes perfectly how she feels.  
She grabs the CD and almost runs to Willow's bedroom.  She raises 
her hand to knock.

"What do you want, Buffy?"  Willow opens the door. 

"I&"  Buffy stammers.

"I know you're sorry.  I know you're holding on.  I know you're 
avoiding me.  Anything else? `Cause I'm sort of fried right now,"

"P-please&Can I come in?"  Buffy stutters out, "I&have to&It's very 
important&It can't wait&I can't wait."

Willow sighs exasperatedly, "Fine.  I'm always here for you aren't 
I?" Willow lets Buffy enter her room.

"Yes.  Always and its way more than I deserve," Buffy whispers.

"Huh?" Willow looks confused.

"Willow, could you sit down?  This is going to take a little bit.  I 
have a lot to say and I'm not sure how its going to come out or how 
you'll take it&"

"You don't have to&" Willow tries to stop the impending 
rejection.  `How many ways can there be to say I don't love you like 
you love me?'  She thinks to herself.

"I do.  I never was good at telling people my feelings, but I'm 
going to take a page from you and try music."  Buffy places the CD 
in Willow's stereo, "But I'm not an all powerful Wicca so no 
pictures with mine.  That would be so much easier.  I ask simply 
that you listen to the words and then let me try to explain.  After 
that&well, whatever happens after that I leave entirely up to you.  
Okay?"

Willow only nods her hand as she prepares for the worst.  Buffy 
presses play on the song she's chosen.  The song fills the room as 
two women can no longer look at one another.

`I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy
To see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through the pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave
But couldn't get out the door
I was so sick n' tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishing that i would die

It's amazing
With the blink of an eye
You finally see the light
It's amazing
That when the moment arrives
You know you'll be alright
It's amazing
And I'm saying a prayer
To the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a permanent vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings
Life's a journey - not a destination
And i just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen
To all that righteous talk
I was out on the street
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay alive

It's amazing
With the blink of an eye
You finally see the light
It's amazing
That when the moment arrives
You know you'll be alright
It's amazing
And I'm saying a prayer
To the desperate hearts tonight'

As the song ends, Buffy looks at Willow.  Her best friend and 
probably the love of her life simply stares back at her in mute 
shock.  Buffy begins to panic and starts pacing the room.

"Oh, God, it didn't make any sense," Buffy blurts out first, "Or 
maybe you don't care anymore.  Please let me try to explain before 
you throw me out.  I didn't know it and I should have from the 
beginning.  I had the greatest person standing next to me&holding me 
up&my very own Angel of Mercy to see me through all my sins, but I 
chose to let all the wrong people into my love and kept the right 
one out." Buffy sighs at her own inadequacy, "Angel, a vampire with 
a soul who isn't allowed to be happy, Parker a cheap one night 
stand, Riley, who couldn't handle my life or me, and a soulless ass&
Spike.  But I swear Willow, that wasn't anything to do with love,"  
Buffy looks at Willow who is listening, but not looking at Buffy 
anymore, "I had one person who through all of that was always there 
and paying harsh prices for it willingly.  I just couldn't see her."

Buffy begins to pace again when Willow doesn't look up, "When I 
killed Angel and lost my grip, when I lost Riley and hit the floor&I 
tried to run and I wanted to die, but she was still there holding me 
up at her own peril.  I still didn't see the light of her.  Then, I 
tried to take the permanent vacation, but even then she wouldn't let 
me go.  She is willing to pay the ultimate price for me without even 
knowing what it is.  I have broken wings and I can't survive or so I 
thought.  See, I'm suddenly learning life is a journey not a 
destination.  I should have already seen the destination, but I 
blinded myself to her.  I couldn't&no wouldn't see my destination 
for who it was&is,"  Buffy stops in front of Willow, "I have no idea 
what tomorrow is going to bring, but I know what I hope& I hope 
again&I hope that learning to crawl into feeling with Spike won't 
turn her away from me forever.  I pray that she will continue to 
help me scratch to stay alive and not have given up on me yet even 
though I deserve for her to have&"  Buffy falls to her knees in 
front of Willow, "Please Willow, please still be my Angel of Mercy&
See and forgive me my sin of ignorance&please&"  Buffy pleads.

"I&I'm not leaving, Buffy."  Willow forces out, "You don't have to 
beg&I just&It will be hard knowing you don't love me, but I'm not 
going to&to leave you."

"I&no&I still didn't get it right,"  Buffy starts crying.

"It's alright, Buffy&"  Willow tries.

"N-no&" Buffy grabs Willow's hands, "You have to see it, have to 
feel it&It's amazing&I saw it, felt it in the blink of an eye&I knew 
and didn't know how I could have missed it&I still know&You have to 
understand&"

With nothing left to lose, Buffy engulfs Willow in her arms, seizing 
Willow's lips in a loving passion-filled kiss.  She attempts to pour 
all of her emotion into one kiss.  She feels Willow wrap her arms 
around her and respond.  As breathing becomes an issue, Buffy gently 
removes her lips from Willow's.

"I love you, Willow."  Buffy murmurs looking into Willow's shocked 
eyes, "I'm sorry I never saw it&I'm sorry you had to wait for so 
long&I am so sorry for the prices that you have had to pay for all 
these years&no more&no more will you pay the price for my blind 
stupidity.  If you will still let me, I will love you like you 
deserve."

Tears fall down Willow's cheeks as she pulls Buffy to her, "Are you&
are you sure&d-don't just do it&f-for me&"

"Willow, never&I will not hurt you again.  This is love, the love 
you should have had all along& I love you, Willow.  From now on, I 
will pay your debts, because I owe you everything.  I am in love 
with you.  This is for me as much as for you.  It is for us."

The room grows dark as a sinister voice fills the room, "The slayer 
has chosen to pay the witch's debts.  I claim her life in payment."

A hissing laughter follows the declaration.  Buffy pulls Willow 
closer to her in order to protect her.  Willow shudders as she 
recognizes the voice.  She tries to pull away from Buffy.

"Buffy, you can't go.  This is my price.  I offered it.  I must 
honor it."

"No.  I remember the deal.  It is my choice now.  I choose to pay 
the price.  I choose for once to do something for you."  Buffy holds 
Willow to her.

Suddenly, another voice booms over the hissing laughter of the first 
one, "The slayer has already sacrificed herself more than once for 
this witch and is willing to do it knowingly this time.  It proves 
her love is real.  We consider all debts paid.  No more cost will be 
owed for love here.  Be gone!"

As suddenly as they came, the voices retreat.  The only ones left in 
the room are holding to each other as if their lives depend on each 
other.  Perhaps, just perhaps now they truly do.  


FIN

Sorry, this isn't how I planned on it ending, but this is where it 
went.  Perhaps at a later date I can do it better justice.

Bynx.






------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> 
Yahoo! Groups gets a make over. See the new email design.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/XISQkA/lOaOAA/yQLSAA/RoMolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~-> 

Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

Community email addresses:
     Post message: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     Subscribe:    buffywantswillow-subscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     Unsubscribe:  buffywantswillow-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     List owner:   buffywantswillow-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shortcut URL to this page:
     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow

Official archive for the list:
     http://www.ikoly.com/fanfic

Other links to Buffy/Willow fics:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow/links  
Yahoo! Groups Links

<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
   http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow/

<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
   buffywantswillow-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
   http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/