FIC: "Madness Used To Be Mine" (4/12) REPOST

The witches were still reading quietly when Willow's cell phone rang. She picked it up,

"Hello Giles. He's what? Yes, I must have that with me. Ok, I'll be there soon."

She hung up and looked at Tara who raised her eyebrows, "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, it's just about Spike and something about a tracer. I have to go though, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Do you think you w-will come back after that?" Tara shyly asked.

Willow frowned unconvinced "I really prefer not to tell you yes, scooby emergencies usually take more time than planned.?

"Ok."

"But I'll call you." Willow got up, "Alright, I should get going now. I still have to pick something up in my room that Giles asked me to."

"You should go."

They gave each other a shy smile.

"Thanks again about today."

Tara nodded and Willow walked out of the older witch?s room.

She stopped by her room to get what she needed and arrived at Giles' where she found them busy trying to take a tracer out of Spike's back. He had been shot by one of the Initiative soldiers.

They managed to take it out and flushed it just in time before some of the soldiers, Riley in charge, managed to locate them.

In the meantime Maggie had sent Buffy on a solo mission.

After they patched up Spike, Giles started explaining to him that Sunnydale wasn't safe for him anymore. That's when Buffy walked in saying it wasn't safe for any of them. Maggie had tricked her by sending her in a mission from which she really expected the slayer not to come back.

Buffy decided they had to hide so they all headed to Xander's, thinking he was the one Buffy had less been seen with.

Xander and Giles slept on air beds. A curtain was separating the room in two for a little privacy. Anya, Buffy and Willow shared the bed on the other side.

Anya immediately lied on her side, turning her back to the two girls, clearly showing she did NOT like that plan.

They switched the lights off. Buffy had trouble to sleep. Her little semi argument with Riley about Maggie Walsh was still present in her mind.

She was on her back, very squeezed between Anya and Willow, so squeezed that she turned on the side, same side Anya was on.

She didn't know that Willow was looking at her. She felt a hand on her face, "He's gonna be alright Buffy, don't worry."

Buffy turned around the other side to face her friend. Willow's hand ended up on the slayer's waist and she willingly let it here.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe there's something I didn't understand."

"I don't think so, Buffy. I really think Maggie set you up."

"And do you think alike Spike? That Riley knew about this."

Willow was about to speak but she stopped. She believed the TA didn't know but something deep inside of her didn't want to admit it.

"I don't know, Buffy. I think, maybe he doesn't know anything and? you don't either."

Buffy looked sad.

"Maybe you rushed things a little with him, and them. Maybe you should just take a step back, just for a while."

Willow's breathing had increased seriously over the last minutes, she knew it; Buffy's body so close to her was obviously getting some reaction from her, plus now, her disguised move.

Buffy swallowed, "I don't know, Will. Things seem to be going so well."

"Could you just stop talking? I can't get orgasms already now I can't get sleep either?!"

Buffy, despite her inner turmoil, held back a laugh, "Sorry Anya, we'll be quiet now. Good night, Will."

Buffy closed her eyes. Willow kept looking at her, or the features of her face she could distinguish in the dark. She could feel some of Buffy's hair tickling her nose.

Willow let her hand on the slayer's stomach since Buffy hadn't mention anything.

The witch couldn't fall asleep. She realized she wanted to touch Buffy in a way she'd hardly ever wanted to touch anyone.

She tried to hold it but her hand started to move and soon her fingertips reached under Buffy's pyjama top. Willow started caressing Buffy's soft flesh there. The redhead's breathing had increased. Buffy could open her eyes at any second now. Anya was right beside them and the boys were only a curtain away. But still Willow couldn't withdraw her hand. Even worse, she lifted it up to Buffy's breasts. She tentatively ran a finger on Buffy's right nipple. Buffy moved ever so lightly in the bed and Willow's heart froze. But the slayer stayed asleep. Willow tried hard to tell herself to stop but she couldn't. She brushed against Buffy's nipple once again. The slayer moaned, or so it seemed. It had been very low. Willow bent forward, she wanted to kiss her, she wanted to lick every piece of flesh she could. Buffy moved in the bed as Willow had moved closer.

The redhead couldn't believe how wet she'd gotten over the last five minutes.

Buffy still seemed deeply asleep.

Willow pulled herself together and lowered her hand, meaning to remove it from under Buffy's top but instead stopped it at the hem of Buffy's pyjama pants.

Willow swallowed. She felt as if she wasn't in contro but instead looking from aside at herself doing this, unable to stop it.

She slid her hand under Buffy's pyjama. She took a deep breath as she felt Buffy's little triangle of curls above her slit. She barely could reach Buffy's clit since the slayer was on her side but she took another deep breath at the sensation. She wanted to lay Buffy on her back and slid her fingers deep inside of her.

Willow removed her hand almost abruptly. She felt sick suddenly at the desire that had overwhelmed her. She had trouble to breath; she got out of the bed and headed to the Harris? bathroom upstairs. She started pleasuring herself, already on a hard and fast rhythm. She didn't understand that feeling. It didn't even feel like love. It hurt so much she had wanted to take the slayer hard. It hurt same way it hurt the way she was fucking herself in this bathroom right now.

She stayed in there for a while trying to think straight, trying to find a reason for that impulse. Maybe she'd hold back for too long; she hadn't pleasured herself since her and Buffy slept together. And there was Tara and their growing relationship together.

And the slayer's presence so close tonight.

Willow felt lost. She tried to hold back her tears. She felt really bad because she'd never had such impulses and even less been tempted to satisfy them like she'd almost done while Buffy was sleeping.

What if she'd woken up? What about their friendship then?

What if Anya had seen her? The others would all already know by now.

She'd risked a LOT for what?

An impulse? Lust?

What was it? She couldn't really be in love with Buffy?

It was only because of that night together and Willow's lonely nights before that, and after that?

She had to pull herself together. It was nothing else but this.

The redhead got up and did so.

She headed to the basement and crawled under the sheets, avoiding any look on the slayer's body. She could do it; it was her best friend, she couldn't look at her that way.

Willow lied on her side, not facing Buffy; it would be easier.

After a while Willow finally managed to fall asleep.

When the witch woke up, Buffy was snuggled up in her arms. The slayer's arm was all over Willow's stomach, on her skin since the redhead top had moved up quite a bit during the night.

Willow didn't move. She put her arm around the slayer's back and the other on Buffy's hand that lay on her stomach. Unwillingly she started rubbing the back of Buffy's hand with her thumb, and caressing the slayer's back with her hand.

It was almost like an automatism.

Willow froze all of a sudden when she noticed Anya's look on her as the brunette woman was staring at her with raised eyebrows.

Willow removed her arm from around Buffy and the movement woke the slayer up.

Anya was already out of the bed by the time Buffy opened her eyes. The blonde girl noticed her position and smiled shyly, "Sorry, Will."

"It's ok."

Buffy disentangled herself from the witch.

Willow took a deep breath as the slayer got up.

Buffy decided a change of plan. She didn't like the situation she was in with Riley right now so she wanted to clear this as soon as she could.

She got dressed up and left while the others were supposed to do some research on the demon species Maggie had sent after Buffy.

Willow tried to focus on that all day long until Buffy brought them a sick Riley.

They realized the soldiers were probably being given drugs without their knowledge of it. Riley was shaking and Buffy said she?d found him in a bad shape. She explained Maggie Walsh had been murdered as well as a little boy. The soldiers were out there looking for the Polgara and destroying every demon that came across in the process. But with their withdrawal, they had trouble to remain sensible.

Buffy entrust Riley to Willow and Giles and she and Xander decided to go put their nose in Maggie's business to find out what really happened and what was given to Riley and the others.

Willow couldn't help but watch Buffy's tender attention towards Riley and she felt almost mad at this, and then she felt bad at her reaction to this.

Shortly after Buffy and Xander left, Willow told Giles she had other books in her room. She left but just wandered around in town.

It's only later that she received a call from Xander explaining to her that the Initiative visit was a debacle. A real threat showed up; Adam. Riley was badly injured AND Buffy and him were thrown out of the Initiative.

He said Giles had tried to reach her earlier but Willow wasn't replying. The redhead explained she was doing some researched at the library and her cell phone was off. She then asked about Buffy and Xander told her she supposedly went back to the dorm and that she looked really bad.

Buffy was curled up in her bed. The curtains were closed. She'd taken a quick shower, trying to clear her mind of her current sadness and powerless feeling. Then she'd put her nightdress and crept under the covers. And then, reluctantly she had cried for five minutes before pulling herself together on the crying level.

Willow didn't turn the light off in case Buffy was sleeping.

She moved closer and noticed Buffy wasn't.

The redhead dropped her bag on the floor and lied beside her best friend, sliding her hand under the cover to hold her tight,

"He's gonna be ok, Buffy."

"I couldn't even go with him. And I barely survived that Adam creature?" Buffy trailed off as she felt the tears coming back.

Willow held her tighter, "Shh, it's gonna be ok."

Willow knew how much being powerless disoriented Buffy every time.

Willow liked it somehow when that rarely happened because it made her feel more powerful. She could be the strong one, the comforting one for once.

And comforting Buffy she was, as she started caressing the slayer?s face.

Willow opened the sheets to crawl under them completely, squeezing Buffy against her. She kissed the side of Buffy's head, once, twice, three times. She didn?t seem to be able to stop kissing her while her fingers were circling patterns on the slayer's stomach, very close from her breasts.

Buffy turned around to lie on her back, "Thanks, Will. I'll be ok, don't worry."

"You know I always do. You're my friend, Buffy."

Buffy smiled and Willow bent closer to give her a soft kiss on the forehead, on the nose then, and a soft one on the lips. She did that last one twice actually while her hand moved to Buffy's breast briefly.

"Willow?"

Buffy took a deeper inhale when Willow pinched her nipple.

"Willow I don't-"

"Shh, it's ok, Buffy. I'm only comforting you."

"I don't think this is, oh Willow."

Buffy removed Willow?s hand from her crotch, not before shivering at the sensation first.

Willow lowered herself. Buffy gasped as the redhead sucked on her navel.

"Willow? Really, it's not a good idea and- Oh God."

Buffy gripped the sheets beside her very tight at the first suction of Willow's mouth on her sensitive spot.

She meant to sit on the bed to stop her but Willow sucked harder. It sent electrifying waves through the slayer's entire body and she surrendered.

She kept squeezing the sheets hard.

Willow caressed her pelvis and her breasts while still sucking hard. She wanted to swallow her whole.

She swallowed the first slayer's juices avidly as if it was an oasis in the middle of the desert.

"God Willow. Oh God."

Buffy put her hand through the redhead's hair while Willow placed herself completely in between Buffy's legs. She inserted two fingers inside of her and Buffy cried out.

Willow kept on licking and sucking on her soft mound while pumping her fingers in and out of her, already getting spasms from the slayer's walls.

She felt them clenched around her fingers a first time but she kept on thrusting and sucking.

Buffy was trying hard not to cry out as another orgasm was building up inside of her.

Willow inserted a third finger and started pumping fast, matching the slayer's hips movement.

She took Buffy?s clit in between her teeth to tease her some more and Buffy cried out loud as another orgasm shot through her.

She was out of breath but Willow was still thrusting inside of her and licking the juices heavily flowing out from Buffy's center.

?God, Willow, stop. I can't-."

"You taste so good, Buffy; you feel so good."

Buffy groaned and came again after giving out some short and rapid gasps.

She laid on her back, out of breath. Willow still had two fingers inside but she wasn't moving them anymore.

The redhead licked and swallowed all the juices as if she couldn't get enough.

She then removed her fingers and licked the juices around them. She moved up to the slayer's side; Buffy still hadn't re opened her eyes.

Willow caressed her face and Buffy opened them again.

The slayer looked embarrassed at Willow's smile. Embarrassed and a little confused.

She still had to take deep breath to recover. Willow bent forward as if she was going to kiss her but Buffy moved aside to avoid it.