FIC: Never Free X

["Jophes" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Please see part I for all disclaimers and warnings.



Never Free X



Xander stands watching the two women for the doorway.  He still 
doesn't understand what is happening.  He doesn't understand Buffy 
leaving or coming back, but he understands Willow's devotion.  He 
knows and has known for awhile that his red-headed friend loves the 
slayer?loves Buffy.

`I just don't understand how Buffy could leave her again or know the 
right moment to come back.'  Xander watches the two women sleep.

Buffy is laying flat on her back wounds bandaged with Willow sleeping 
on her bent arm the other hand silently grasping the slayer's hand.  
Neither has moved in over three hours since coming home.  Xander has 
stood in the doorway almost as long trying to comprehend the bond 
between them.

"Honey, come away.  They will be fine."  Dawn touches Xander on the 
shoulder lightly.

"I know they are fine?for now."  Xander whispers, "but what about 
when your sister leaves her again?  Then what?  Will it all be fine 
then too or will Willow work herself towards death again?"

"I don't know."  Dawn answers her honestly.  "I am trying to have 
faith in Willow.  She knew that Buffy was alive when we all thought 
she was dead.  I am going to have faith that she will convince Buffy 
to let us help her."

"Aren't you mad at her, Dawnie?"  Xander pulls the younger Summers 
into his arms.

"Yes, but I'm more worried for her and for Willow then I am angry?you 
know you forgive her."  

"I always forgive her, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.  Plus, 
maybe I shouldn't forgive her.  We almost lost Willow this time 
because of her."  Xander holds onto his anger.

"Xander, you do what you feel you have to.  I cannot stay angry with 
my sister, but I will respect whatever you feel you need to do.  I 
love you."  Dawn pulls the one-eyed man to her for a kiss.

"I love you, too."  Xander kisses her forehead, "Go to bed, baby.  I 
am going to stay here a little longer.  I?I just have to."

"Okay.  Come to bed soon."  Dawn walks away quietly.

Xander watches as the slayer begins to twitch on the mattress.  At 
first, it isn't much other than a few light movements, but then the 
slayer jumps almost off the mattress.  Xander doesn't move any closer 
even when his heart tells him too.  He knows the witch will protect 
them all.

<< "We want the witch!"  The shadows screech at the blonde slayer.

"YOU CANNOT HAVE HER!"  Buffy screams back.  "I carry you and that is 
how it will stay!"

"You could let us have her and you could be free.  You want her.  I 
want her.  If you let me have her, we can both have her."

"You would destroy her.  I cannot let that happen.  I will never let 
that happen.  The world needs her.  I need?to know that she still 
lives."

"She's touched you now.  She knows what you are now.  She will reject 
you.  You are mine now.  Mine NOW!"

NOOOOO!">>

Buffy sits up eyes wide open.  She sees the sleeping witch gripping 
her hand and begins to breathe hard in a panic.  Suddenly, her eyes 
skitter to the figure standing in the doorway.  She tries to focus on 
what he is saying.

"Buffy?Hey?calm down?you're safe?don't?"  He steps closer to the bed.

"I?she's not safe?"  Buffy stammers.

"She won't let you leave."  Xander comes right up to the witch's side.

Carefully, he frees the slayer from the red-head's grasp.  Buffy 
doesn't move off the bed right away, but looks intently at her 
sleeping friend.  Then, the still injured slayer slowly stands moving 
her gaze to her once best-friend.

"Buffy, I think I have a right to have my turn at ragging on you 
now."  Xander smiles but it doesn't reach his one shining 
eye.  "Seriously, I want to talk to you.  I want to talk to you now."

"I?you're right.  I owe you that."  Buffy looks to the bed at the 
sleeping witch.  "Can we talk somewhere other than here?  I want to 
be close, but not?"

"Not too close."  Xander finishes, "She's already held you.  She 
knows whatever it is you didn't want her to, but we can talk on the 
stairs if you want."

"Yeah, that will be fine."  Buffy follows her friend out with one 
last longing look at Willow sleeping.

The pair walks half way down the stairs.  Xander sits and Buffy leans 
against the railing.  She simply stares at him waiting for him to 
start.  He looks closely at the changed woman in front of him.

"I wish I knew where to start, but I can't even think of the place to 
start.  I could go back a long way, but what good would that do us?"  
Xander keeps looking her in the eyes.  "I want you to know that I 
never blamed you for my eye.  I know others did, but I never did.  
You had no idea what we were dealing with when we went in and I did 
what I always do which is protect blindly.  No pun intended, but I 
blame you for leaving.  I blame you for Willow.  I don't know what is 
going on or why you left.  I am sure you think you had a good reason 
and maybe you even did, but I blame you for it did to her.  She was 
killing herself for you."  Xander breaks off taking a deep calming 
breath.

"Xander, I don't think I can explain right now and you're right, I 
knew what I was doing, but I would leave again if I had to.  I will 
not lie to you.  I never wanted her to know what I am carrying.  I 
can't ever get rid of the changes done to me.  I asked for them.  I 
have to honor my promise to pay a price.  I am paying this price to 
save her.  I came back to save her.  I?I wish?"  

"Wish?you wish?that's great Buffy, but it doesn't change the fact 
that she was killing herself to find you and you purposefully hid 
from her?from us.  I don't know what price you are paying, but if it 
is to save her then it is a worthy one.  I feel like a butt monkey 
again.  I never know what is going on, but I know enough this time to 
know if you leave again, she won't make it.  She can't seem to go on 
without you.  She brought you back from death at least twice and she 
won't ever let you go willingly.  Why can't you be what she needs?" A 
tear slides from Xander's eye down his cheek.

"I?I'm sorry Xander.  I don't know what I should say."  Buffy looks 
away from his gaze, "I am trying to save her.  I'm afraid I won't be 
able to.  She should let me go.  I can't say that I can stay.  If I 
stay she may not survive."

"If you leave she won't survive either.  You need to find a way to 
save her and be here or you will be living without her and quite 
frankly I don't know that you can live without her anymore than she 
can live without you."  Xander speaks frankly drawing Buffy's 
attention back to him.  "I want you to know that I have loved all of 
you in my life and that I love Dawn in case you were wondering.  I 
still hold love for you, but if you cost me Willow?you better never 
come back.  She will not live if you leave her again.  If you die, 
she will die.  If you leave she will use herself up to find you.  She 
needs you for some reason?you?"

"What does she need me for?!  You were all able to let me go.  That's 
how it should be.  I never asked for her to keep searching.  I tried 
to be dead to her.  What more can I do?!  I left.  I stayed gone.  I 
had to come back to save her and now you tell me I can't leave 
because she needs me to live!  I am nothing but pain for her.  I know 
you see that.  Why can't she?!  What does she need me for?!"  Buffy 
screams more at herself than Xander.  She collapses to her knees on 
the stairs panting with her hair in her face.

"She needs you, because she loves you."  Buffy head jerks up at the 
sweet sound of Willow's confession.

Xander smiles as he steps past Willow to go to his bed where Dawn 
waits for him.  Buffy doesn't move a muscle waiting to see if Willow 
will try to come to her, but she doesn't.  Instead the witch takes a 
seat at the top of the stair case.

"I love you, Buffy."  Willow says again, "I have almost always loved 
you, but I never could tell you.  It always seemed as if somehow the 
world found ways to keep that particular truth unspoken.  I will 
always need you.  You have always been at the center of my life 
whether it be the good fight, my best friend, the slayer?.You are all 
important to me."

"Willow, I?"

"No, I don't want to talk about any of that just yet.  I don't even 
want to talk about what I know now."  Willow puts her hand up to stop 
the flow of Buffy's words.  "I simply want to do two things.  One, I 
want to look at your wounds.  Super healing aside?that demon was 
actually able to damage you and I know why.  I want to see for myself 
that you are healing.  Two, I want to sit with you and not talk about 
anything.  I just want to be near you.  Please can you give me these 
two things?  I don't think that I am asking for much given the 
circumstances."

Buffy looks at Willow seeing the witch's sincere desire to have her 
wish fulfilled on her face.  Buffy stands to walk up the stairs 
stopping in front of her friend.

"I think that those are two small requests that I can grant, Wills."  
Buffy waits for Willow to stand.

Once the red-head is on her feet, she leads the slayer back down the 
hall.  Buffy follows Willow already hearing her inner arguments about 
being this close, but she chooses to ignore them for the moment and 
give the Wicca what she has asked for.

TBC





Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      --'Choices'

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