Re: FIC: Never Free X

["bslayedw" <bslayed@xxxxxxx>]

That was a great update! The Xander and Buffy talk was true to the 
charters also. I can't wait to see if Buffy really can handle the 
simple request Willow made and what will happen when they finally do 
talk about what Willow knows now. Keep the great updates coming.








--- In buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Jophes" <xenarip13@...> 
wrote:
>
> Please see part I for all disclaimers and warnings.
> 
> 
> 
> Never Free X
> 
> 
> 
> Xander stands watching the two women for the doorway.  He still 
> doesn't understand what is happening.  He doesn't understand Buffy 
> leaving or coming back, but he understands Willow's devotion.  He 
> knows and has known for awhile that his red-headed friend loves 
the 
> slayer?loves Buffy.
> 
> `I just don't understand how Buffy could leave her again or know 
the 
> right moment to come back.'  Xander watches the two women sleep.
> 
> Buffy is laying flat on her back wounds bandaged with Willow 
sleeping 
> on her bent arm the other hand silently grasping the slayer's 
hand.  
> Neither has moved in over three hours since coming home.  Xander 
has 
> stood in the doorway almost as long trying to comprehend the bond 
> between them.
> 
> "Honey, come away.  They will be fine."  Dawn touches Xander on 
the 
> shoulder lightly.
> 
> "I know they are fine?for now."  Xander whispers, "but what about 
> when your sister leaves her again?  Then what?  Will it all be 
fine 
> then too or will Willow work herself towards death again?"
> 
> "I don't know."  Dawn answers her honestly.  "I am trying to have 
> faith in Willow.  She knew that Buffy was alive when we all 
thought 
> she was dead.  I am going to have faith that she will convince 
Buffy 
> to let us help her."
> 
> "Aren't you mad at her, Dawnie?"  Xander pulls the younger Summers 
> into his arms.
> 
> "Yes, but I'm more worried for her and for Willow then I am angry?
you 
> know you forgive her."  
> 
> "I always forgive her, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.  
Plus, 
> maybe I shouldn't forgive her.  We almost lost Willow this time 
> because of her."  Xander holds onto his anger.
> 
> "Xander, you do what you feel you have to.  I cannot stay angry 
with 
> my sister, but I will respect whatever you feel you need to do.  I 
> love you."  Dawn pulls the one-eyed man to her for a kiss.
> 
> "I love you, too."  Xander kisses her forehead, "Go to bed, baby.  
I 
> am going to stay here a little longer.  I?I just have to."
> 
> "Okay.  Come to bed soon."  Dawn walks away quietly.
> 
> Xander watches as the slayer begins to twitch on the mattress.  At 
> first, it isn't much other than a few light movements, but then 
the 
> slayer jumps almost off the mattress.  Xander doesn't move any 
closer 
> even when his heart tells him too.  He knows the witch will 
protect 
> them all.
> 
> << "We want the witch!"  The shadows screech at the blonde slayer.
> 
> "YOU CANNOT HAVE HER!"  Buffy screams back.  "I carry you and that 
is 
> how it will stay!"
> 
> "You could let us have her and you could be free.  You want her.  
I 
> want her.  If you let me have her, we can both have her."
> 
> "You would destroy her.  I cannot let that happen.  I will never 
let 
> that happen.  The world needs her.  I need?to know that she still 
> lives."
> 
> "She's touched you now.  She knows what you are now.  She will 
reject 
> you.  You are mine now.  Mine NOW!"
> 
> NOOOOO!">>
> 
> Buffy sits up eyes wide open.  She sees the sleeping witch 
gripping 
> her hand and begins to breathe hard in a panic.  Suddenly, her 
eyes 
> skitter to the figure standing in the doorway.  She tries to focus 
on 
> what he is saying.
> 
> "Buffy?Hey?calm down?you're safe?don't?"  He steps closer to the 
bed.
> 
> "I?she's not safe?"  Buffy stammers.
> 
> "She won't let you leave."  Xander comes right up to the witch's 
side.
> 
> Carefully, he frees the slayer from the red-head's grasp.  Buffy 
> doesn't move off the bed right away, but looks intently at her 
> sleeping friend.  Then, the still injured slayer slowly stands 
moving 
> her gaze to her once best-friend.
> 
> "Buffy, I think I have a right to have my turn at ragging on you 
> now."  Xander smiles but it doesn't reach his one shining 
> eye.  "Seriously, I want to talk to you.  I want to talk to you 
now."
> 
> "I?you're right.  I owe you that."  Buffy looks to the bed at the 
> sleeping witch.  "Can we talk somewhere other than here?  I want 
to 
> be close, but not?"
> 
> "Not too close."  Xander finishes, "She's already held you.  She 
> knows whatever it is you didn't want her to, but we can talk on 
the 
> stairs if you want."
> 
> "Yeah, that will be fine."  Buffy follows her friend out with one 
> last longing look at Willow sleeping.
> 
> The pair walks half way down the stairs.  Xander sits and Buffy 
leans 
> against the railing.  She simply stares at him waiting for him to 
> start.  He looks closely at the changed woman in front of him.
> 
> "I wish I knew where to start, but I can't even think of the place 
to 
> start.  I could go back a long way, but what good would that do 
us?"  
> Xander keeps looking her in the eyes.  "I want you to know that I 
> never blamed you for my eye.  I know others did, but I never did.  
> You had no idea what we were dealing with when we went in and I 
did 
> what I always do which is protect blindly.  No pun intended, but I 
> blame you for leaving.  I blame you for Willow.  I don't know what 
is 
> going on or why you left.  I am sure you think you had a good 
reason 
> and maybe you even did, but I blame you for it did to her.  She 
was 
> killing herself for you."  Xander breaks off taking a deep calming 
> breath.
> 
> "Xander, I don't think I can explain right now and you're right, I 
> knew what I was doing, but I would leave again if I had to.  I 
will 
> not lie to you.  I never wanted her to know what I am carrying.  I 
> can't ever get rid of the changes done to me.  I asked for them.  
I 
> have to honor my promise to pay a price.  I am paying this price 
to 
> save her.  I came back to save her.  I?I wish?"  
> 
> "Wish?you wish?that's great Buffy, but it doesn't change the fact 
> that she was killing herself to find you and you purposefully hid 
> from her?from us.  I don't know what price you are paying, but if 
it 
> is to save her then it is a worthy one.  I feel like a butt monkey 
> again.  I never know what is going on, but I know enough this time 
to 
> know if you leave again, she won't make it.  She can't seem to go 
on 
> without you.  She brought you back from death at least twice and 
she 
> won't ever let you go willingly.  Why can't you be what she 
needs?" A 
> tear slides from Xander's eye down his cheek.
> 
> "I?I'm sorry Xander.  I don't know what I should say."  Buffy 
looks 
> away from his gaze, "I am trying to save her.  I'm afraid I won't 
be 
> able to.  She should let me go.  I can't say that I can stay.  If 
I 
> stay she may not survive."
> 
> "If you leave she won't survive either.  You need to find a way to 
> save her and be here or you will be living without her and quite 
> frankly I don't know that you can live without her anymore than 
she 
> can live without you."  Xander speaks frankly drawing Buffy's 
> attention back to him.  "I want you to know that I have loved all 
of 
> you in my life and that I love Dawn in case you were wondering.  I 
> still hold love for you, but if you cost me Willow?you better 
never 
> come back.  She will not live if you leave her again.  If you die, 
> she will die.  If you leave she will use herself up to find you.  
She 
> needs you for some reason?you?"
> 
> "What does she need me for?!  You were all able to let me go.  
That's 
> how it should be.  I never asked for her to keep searching.  I 
tried 
> to be dead to her.  What more can I do?!  I left.  I stayed gone.  
I 
> had to come back to save her and now you tell me I can't leave 
> because she needs me to live!  I am nothing but pain for her.  I 
know 
> you see that.  Why can't she?!  What does she need me for?!"  
Buffy 
> screams more at herself than Xander.  She collapses to her knees 
on 
> the stairs panting with her hair in her face.
> 
> "She needs you, because she loves you."  Buffy head jerks up at 
the 
> sweet sound of Willow's confession.
> 
> Xander smiles as he steps past Willow to go to his bed where Dawn 
> waits for him.  Buffy doesn't move a muscle waiting to see if 
Willow 
> will try to come to her, but she doesn't.  Instead the witch takes 
a 
> seat at the top of the stair case.
> 
> "I love you, Buffy."  Willow says again, "I have almost always 
loved 
> you, but I never could tell you.  It always seemed as if somehow 
the 
> world found ways to keep that particular truth unspoken.  I will 
> always need you.  You have always been at the center of my life 
> whether it be the good fight, my best friend, the slayer?.You are 
all 
> important to me."
> 
> "Willow, I?"
> 
> "No, I don't want to talk about any of that just yet.  I don't 
even 
> want to talk about what I know now."  Willow puts her hand up to 
stop 
> the flow of Buffy's words.  "I simply want to do two things.  One, 
I 
> want to look at your wounds.  Super healing aside?that demon was 
> actually able to damage you and I know why.  I want to see for 
myself 
> that you are healing.  Two, I want to sit with you and not talk 
about 
> anything.  I just want to be near you.  Please can you give me 
these 
> two things?  I don't think that I am asking for much given the 
> circumstances."
> 
> Buffy looks at Willow seeing the witch's sincere desire to have 
her 
> wish fulfilled on her face.  Buffy stands to walk up the stairs 
> stopping in front of her friend.
> 
> "I think that those are two small requests that I can grant, 
Wills."  
> Buffy waits for Willow to stand.
> 
> Once the red-head is on her feet, she leads the slayer back down 
the 
> hall.  Buffy follows Willow already hearing her inner arguments 
about 
> being this close, but she chooses to ignore them for the moment 
and 
> give the Wicca what she has asked for.
> 
> TBC
>




Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      --'Choices'

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