Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

December 2009

As I have stated in my journals, sometimes to face the uncertainty of the future, one must return to the shadows of the past. That is what we’ve done. After we averted world domination by the demon hybrids, Buffy, Willow and myself returned to Sunnydale. I took over my old apartment and Buffy and Willow moved into the attic of the Summers home. It would be some of the best and worst times of their young lives.

Come August of last year, Willow stumbled upon a cure for the distance rule that applied to them. It was buried deep within an old forgotten text. It was a simple incantation and Willow didn’t think twice about performing it. The spell quadrupled the distance that they could be apart and this enraged Buffy. They fought long and hard. With the distance limit no longer an issue, Willow decided that it was time to return to her studies so she packed her bags and left for England once again. Returning not to the Watcher’s Mansion but to Oxford so she could resume the end of her Senior year. She’s been gone for four months and I’m afraid that it’s been very hard on Buffy.

Phone calls, but mostly letters, have been exchanged but the toll that it’s taken on them is going to be far reaching. Willow has attained what she’s always strived for: Academic and personal independence. She’s graduated at the top of her class with a doctorate in two fields: Demonology and Computer applications with a minor in old world languages.

The pride I feel is indescribable. I always knew she was bound for greater things than this dreadful town would allow. She is now Doctor Rosenberg and will begin her studies right here on the Hellmouth. There is no better place to start than this.

I fear that Buffy is feeling inadequate and lost. As I write even now, Willow is returning to us. Buffy doesn’t know it yet, Willow wanted it to be a surprise. With all the problems she’s had in these past few years, she returned to Oxford and was able to complete her studies and graduate now in December. She has no need for pomp and circumstance, so she simply picked up her diploma, packed her belongings and booked the first flight she could find.

Time grows short and soon I will have to reveal the next obstacle that lies in our paths. I am still struggling with the knowledge that Xander was so kind as to bestow on me. I’ve received a few calls from Spike but as of yet, Xander’s status is still unknown. Willow has requested that I not pick her up at the airport. Perhaps it is for the best. She and Buffy have a lot to discuss.

Rupert Giles

---------------------

‘you told me all your secrets’
‘and i filled you up with lies’
‘now i'm living honestly’
‘because i said goodbye’
‘i can't go home anymore’
‘i don't wanna find out what i left there for’
‘I Don’t Wanna Know’ by The Indigo Girls

He stumbled out of an alley and fell on already bruised knees. ‘Have to get away. Have to get away.’ The words repeated themselves in his head like a mantra. He noticed that he was being tracked back in Santa Fe. God, that was a month ago. What ever this thing was, it wasn’t about to give up. He opened his eyes and his stomach retched from the stench of the puddle of liquid in front of him. This was no way to live, it was no way to die. If he didn’t get his ass off the cold pavement he’d die for sure. Not this way, please. He’d fought vampires, demons, been kidnapped, beaten and kicked around. He wasn’t about to die in an alley alone. He picked himself up and continued on.

-----------

The boy was smart. Too smart for his own good sometimes. More like a smart ass. Spike stepped out of the alley and stayed a few paces behind the cloaked figure. Two could play at this game. Rupert wanted to boy back alive, he didn’t say conscious. He nodded his head and four men set off after him. Finally after almost a year, Spike had found him. And he wasn’t about to let the boy go without an explanation. He watched as they struggled then knocked him out and bagged him. Spike considered for a moment why he’d agreed to track him then came to the conclusion that it was curiosity. The boy had been up to something big and if he was gonna find out what it was, then he’d have to deliver this package to good old Sunnydale.

------------

Kick, punch, kick, punch, swing, slam, poof! <This is way too easy> The Slayer thought to herself. As if they’d sensed her cockiness, they last two vampires stepped up their attack. She was sent slamming into a tree and slid down with a resounding thud. They attacked together, grabbing her arms while she was still stunned and both leaning in for the kill. She hesitated a moment then broke free. Two stakes emerged from her sleeves and she jammed them home creating two clouds of dust next to her.

"Morons." She shook out her hair and retracted the stakes. "Thank you Angel."

Before they all parted ways in England, Angel gave Buffy a pair of stake cuffs. It took her only about five minutes to learn how to use them and they’d proved to be very useful when she was faced with a group of vamps.

Buffy glanced at her watch as she exited the graveyard. Ten o’clock. Patrols were getting shorter and shorter and much too easy since she’d been turned immortal. She headed up the block engrossed in thought. For the past four months, one scene played over and over in her mind. It was one of the first and most hurtful fights she and Willow ever had……

<<<<"I can’t believe you’d do this to me."

"Buffy, I did it for us. What if we need to be apart, what if I need to go to England, or France or Russia or."

"Then I’d go with you. There’s no reason for us to be apart now. Why couldn’t have we discussed it!?"

"Because you’d try to change my mind. I need my independence." She saw Buffy’s back go stiff at these words but she continued on. "I want. . .I want to finish my studies."

She whipped around with fear and anger dancing in her eyes. "Go back to England? You want to go back to England after everything we went through there?"

"After everything I went through there. Me! I was the one who was attacked. I was the one who was raped by a demon and almost drained by his cadre, not you!" Her voice rose to a frantic pitch. "I need to face this. I can’t let it hover over me like a black cloud."

"And what about me? Did you forget that I died and had to live as a vampire? Do you know how hard that was for me, how disgusting I felt?"

"But your not anymore. You don’t understand. You faced what ever it was you had to in order to get over this. I haven’t. I won’t run scared anymore. I need to finish my doctorate, this is important to me. Why can’t you support me?"

"Support you? I don’t even know who you are anymore, Will. All you do is study and practice witchcraft and go back to studying more. If I wanted to live with Giles, I would have moved in with him, not you!"

She stood firm with tears in her eyes. "Buffy, I’m going back. Not to the mansion but to Oxford. I have to finish my studies, I have to do this."

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "You already called, didn’t you? You applied for re-admittance."

Willow nodded her head. "I can live in a single flat right on campus." She walked up to Buffy and tried to touch her arm but Buffy pulled away. "Don’t do this, I need you."

"You don’t need me, Will. I just wonder now if you ever did."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"You went to Giles you went to Angel you went to Cordelia. . .you went to everyone but me."

"Buffy you don’t understand. . .you don’t know how much. . ."

"Because you didn’t let me know. You didn’t tell me what you were going through. You didn’t trust me enough." She wiped the hot tears away from her eyes. "I can’t do this with you Will, I can’t fight. I don’t have it in me to stand here and. . ." She looked at her for a long moment before grabbing her keys and heading out the door.

"Buffy wait!" >>>>

She put her key in the door and opened it. That was the last time they really talked. In four months, they’d spoken on the phone twice and letters came very infrequently. They were mostly filled with how her studies were going, how she’d joined a coven on campus and was improving every day. Nothing about the fight, nothing about how sorry either one of them were. They acted like it never happened but it did.

Buffy opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. She sauntered over to the couch and turned the TV on. Yet again, this was going to be a long night. Nights like this were the longest ones she’d ever experienced in her life. Nights without Willow.

-----------

It was drizzling lightly. Willow stood outside the back entrance of the Summers’ home and let the rain caress her skin. It felt good and refreshing. . . and a little sad. She looked up and sighed. <The sky is crying. I wonder if this is a sign of what I’m in for?> She chuckled to herself. That was pretty cheesy, but it fit the situation well.

Everything and nothing flashed through her brain in the ten or so minutes she’d been standing there. Buffy. What was she going to say to her? Would she welcome her back with open arms. Or? The though sent a shiver down her spine, or maybe it was just the rain. No use in thinking about it now. . .no thinking, just go up there, damnit and tell her how much you missed her, how sorry you are that she was hurt so badly.

She stood there, house keys clenched so tightly in her hand that it almost hurt. She looked up again and sighed. This was going to be on of the longest nights she’d ever experienced in her life. Her first night home with Buffy.

------------
>
> 'Spend all your time waiting'
> 'for that second chance '
> 'for a break that would make it okay'
> 'there's always one reason to feel not good enough '
> 'and it's hard at the end of the day '
> 'I need some distraction oh beautiful release '
> 'memory seeps from my veins let me'
> 'be empty and weightless and maybe '
> 'I'll find some peace tonight'
> 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan
>
> The first thing he noticed was that he was moving. Not in the sense of one foot in front
> of the other, but still. . .moving. He opened his eyes slowly and focused on the ropes
> that were around his wrists. The zapping pain in the back of his head was proof positive
> that he was in a world of trouble.
>
> "God, were am I?"
>
> "Don't bring him into this, mate. He'll be of no use to you now." A distinctly British
> voice came from the other side of the van.
>
> Xander squinted. "Spike?"
>
> He lit a cigarette and it illuminated his face. "In the undead flesh, boy. Got yourself
> into a heap of trouble, did you now?"
>
> "What did I do to deserve this?" He leaned back and closed his eyes.
>
> "That's what I'd like to know. Rupert sent me looking for you. You're a slippery one,
> I'll give you that."
>
> "Giles?" Oh man." This was getting worse and worse by the minute.
>
> "So what'd ya do, boy? Steal one of his dusty books? Or even better, did you tell him
> you wanted to shag?"
>
> "You know, Spike. . .your village called. They said they were missing an idiot."
>
> "Good to see you still have a sense of humor." He flicked the cigarette out the back
> window. "So what happened?"
>
> "I don't want to talk about it."
>
> "Well, you'd better get chipper and chattery there pretty quickly, mate. From the looks
> of it we'll be hitting Sunnyhell in about an hour."
>
> --------------
>
> Sleeping. She was curled up on the couch sleeping peacefully. From what Willow could
> surmise in the quick walkthrough she'd done, Buffy had been sleeping on the couch ever
> since she left. Over four months ago, she'd laid her red sweater down on the bed and
> forgot to pick it up before she left for the airport - it was in the same place she'd left
> it.
>
> Willow sat in the single overstuffed chair with her feet pulled up under her. She'd been
> there for over an hour and sat for most of it watching Buffy sleep. She still didn't know
> what to do, what to say to her, if she should wake her up, let her sleep, or run screaming
> into the night.
>
> Buffy stirred and reached out to the coffee table for a glass of water. She sipped it
> without opening her eyes then put it back down.
>
> Willow held her breath and watched the sleepy movements she made. It would have gone
> unnoticed by anyone else, but Willow saw Buffy stiffen slightly. She knew someone was
> there and she was running scenario's through her mind. Same old Buffy. "I've missed
> you."
>
> This time, Buffy visibly stiffened and her breath caught. Slowly she turned her head in
> the direction of the voice she knew so well. "Will." Then she opened her eyes.
>
> ----------------
>
> "Come on. Up and out you go." Spike was pulling Xander to his feet and dragging him to
> Giles' door.
>
> Xander put up what little fight he had left in him but he knew it was no use. He gave up
> and slumped against the wall.
>
> A moment later, Giles opened the door. "Spike."
>
> Spike gestured to Xander. "Look what I found crawling around in an alley like a rat."
>
> Giles sighed and nodded to him. "Xander." He stepped aside so they could both walk in.
>
> Spike led him to the couch and pushed him down.
>
> "Do you really think this is necessary?" Xander held up his bound hands. "It kind of
> itches."
>
> "It took me almost a year to find you. Your not getting away now." He turned to Giles.
> "Almost had him in Santa Fe then he just disappeared into thin air." Spike turned back to
> Xander. "I underestimated you once, it won't happen again."
>
> Giles paced in front of Xander then stopped in front of him. "Seems like I underestimated
> you too, Xander." He sat down on the coffee table and was face to face with him. "You
> have a lot of explaining to do so I suggest you start at the beginning."
>
> Xander sat back and sighed. "I guess I owe you that much."
>
> Giles became angered and grabbed him by the shirt, eyes blazing. "You owe me nothing!
> Buffy and Willow on the other hand. . .God help you boy when they find out. And they
> will, I assure you."
>
> -------------
>
> She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "When did you get in?"
>
> Willow glanced at her watch. "Almost two hours ago."
>
> She tried to hide her surprise. "Really?"
>
> Willow nodded. "I wasn't sure if. . .I didn't know how. . ." She was struggling with the
> words. None of them wanted to form understandable sentences.
>
> "How was your flight?" Her voice was level, cold.
>
> Why are you sleeping on the couch?"
>
> Buffy shrugged and got up. She went to the kitchen and refilled her glass. "Did Giles
> pick you up?"
>
> "I called a cab and how long are we gonna do this, Buffy?"
>
> She looked up at the clock on the wall. "Not much longer. I have a second patrol to
> run."
>
> "A second patrol? Buffy, we haven't seen each other in over four months and you tell me
> you're going on patrol?"
>
> "Duty calls, Will. I have obligations, no one is gonna do it for me."
>
> "I've missed you. You don't know how much."
>
> "No I don't."
>
> Her head shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?"
>
> Buffy put her head down. "Nothing. It meant nothing."
>
> Willow got up again and walked over to her. "This isn't what I wanted to happen. This
> isn't what I wanted to say."
>
> Buffy looked up at her. "Then what did you want? What did you expect?" She walked
> around her and stood in the living room. "Look, I'm not up for a patrol. I'm gonna go
> take a shower." She walked away into the bathroom and shut the door.
>
> Willow stood there in shock. She never expected Buffy to be so cold, so uncaring. She
> was ready for a fight, ready for the screaming and harsh words, but not this. Never
> this. She walked into the living room and curled up on the couch. It was still warm from
> when Buffy was sleeping. She pulled the blanket up over her shoulders and began to cry.
>
> -------------
>
> "And you never got his name?"
>
> "It wasn't tops on my list, Giles."
>
> Giles walked over to a bookshelf and took out six large binders. He dropped them in front
> of Xander on the table. "This is a record of every living Council member. Distinguishing
> marks, achievements, where they are assigned - complete with up to date photos." Xander
> gave him a blank look. "Start looking."
>
> "Giles, there has to be over three thousand pages here! You really don't expect me to. .
> ."
>
> "I whole heartedly expect you to." Giles glared at him. "And I don't expect to be let
> down."
>
> He shook his head. "Fine. Untie me." Once untied, Xander got up to stretch and found
> Spike at his side in an instant. "Relax black ranger. I'm a little stiff here."
>
> Giles stood back and took in his features for the first time since he'd been dragged in by
> Spike. Xander's face looked drawn, older. He had a trimmed goatee and mustache that came
> together at the edges of his lips. He was dressed all in black, complete with a black
> cloak tied around his shoulders. There were lines in his face. Giles was disturbed most
> of all by this. A boy so young shouldn't have lines like those.
>
> He took the cloak off and tossed it on the couch. He was wearing a black skull cap that
> completely hid his hair and it was beginning to itch so he removed it and tossed it aside
> too. This drew gasps from both men flanking him. He gave them a sheepish smile.
> "What?" He reached up and ran his hand through his hair. "Oh, yeah. That." He shrugged
> and sat down.
>
> Spike shook his head. "No wonder I had such a hard time finding you."
>
> Giles nodded in agreement. "Yes, I see the trouble now."
>
> Xander looked up at both of them. "Get over it already." He began to flip through the
> first book.
>
> Neither one of them could believe it. His hair was cut drastically short in a military
> flat-top style and it was. . .bright yellow sun blonde. They stood there and just shook
> their heads.
>
> --------
>
> Willow blew her nose and took a deep breath. This wasn't going at all the way she'd
> expected it to. She sat up and looked at her watch. Buffy had been in the shower for
> almost forty five minutes now. She hesitantly made her way to the door and knocked.
> "Buffy?"
>
> Silence and running water.
>
> "Buffy, are you in there?"
>
> "Where else would I be?"
>
> Willow let out a sigh of relief. "You've been in there a long time. Are you okay?" She
> waited a few moments for an answer then tried the door. It was unlocked. She stepped in
> and was hit by a wave of steam.
>
> "Leave me alone." Came from the shower.
>
> She walked over and pulled back the curtain. Buffy was sitting curled up in the tub with
> the shower water running across her back. Her head was down an she didn't look up.
> Willow reached out to touch her and jerked her hand back. "Buffy!"
>
> "Get out of here, Will. I want to be left alone." Her voice echoed a little against the
> porcelain.
>
> "Are you trying to boil yourself alive?" She reached around the other side and turned the
> water off. "You're a slayer, not a shrimp! Now get out of there."
>
> "No."
>
> "Buffy."
>
> "No."
>
> "You're not gonna make this easy, are you?" Willow reached down and put her hand out.
> Buffy wasn't in the mood to fight, so she complied. "Oh, well, maybe you are." She led
> Buffy to the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. She gently dried her off with a fluffy
> white towel patting her back lightly. The skin there was red and swollen and boils were
> beginning to form. "How could you do this to yourself?" She whispered.
>
> "They'll be gone by morning."
>
> "Willow looked up at her, shocked. Then the realization dawned on her. "How did you know
> they'd?. . .Oh God, Buffy." The phone rang. The phone always rang at times like these.
> Willow silently cursed to herself before answering it. "Hello?" Her voice was strained.
>
> "Willow. Is everything alright?"
>
> "Giles. It's not a good time."
>
> "I'm sorry but, I need you two here right away."
>
> Willow looked at her watch. "Giles, it's midnight. Can't this wait till morning? I just
> got in two hours ago and . . ."
>
> "Willow. It's about Quentin."
>
> "What?"
>
> "Just come here. Both of you."
>
> "Fine. Give us about an hour." She hung up the phone.
>
> Buffy hadn't moved. "So?"
>
> "So Giles needs us at his place. Something about Quentin."
>
> Her head shot up. "I thought he was. . ."
>
> "So did I. Giles didn't say much but it sounded important."
>
> Buffy was up and dressed in fifteen minutes. She emerged from the bedroom and looked at
> Willow sitting on the couch. "Ready?"
>
> She nodded and followed the slayer out the door.
>

------------

The short walk to Giles' house was silent and strained. Tension hung thickly in the air
as both girls walked side by side. Buffy was careful to walk on the grass a little bit so
as not to brush up against her silent companion. So many emotions were running rampant
thought her body. Anger, fear, love, hate, hurt. . .love. She did love the redhead next
to her with all her heart, and then more besides. . .so why did she have such a bad
reaction to seeing her after over 4 months? She'd felt abandoned and left to her own
devices. She and Willow hardly had a chance to settle in and get used to this new
relationship, then Willow was off to England and Buffy was left in the dust.

They arrived at the door and walked in. Giles was standing by the bookshelf and Spike was
watching TV. Neither of them noticed the girls walk in. Willow cleared her throat.
"Some things never change. MTV Spike?"

Both British heads shot up at the sound of her voice. Giles smiled. "Willow. It's so
nice to see you again."

She walked over to him and gave him an awkward but warm hug. "Giles. It's nice to see
you too."

"Welcome home Red. Sorry to call so late but business as usual doesn't wait for love. Or
something like that."

She turned to him and smiled. "Nice to see you too Spike."

Buffy observed their little reunion still standing in the doorway. She was trying to get
her emotions under control. She breathed deeply and walked over to the couch. <Time to
put on the brave face.> "Hey guys." She sat down. "So what's so important you dragged
us here at 1am?"

The slight anger wasn't lost on Giles. "How was patrol?"

She shrugged. "Fine. I came, I saw, I plunged."

Very loud boot-clad footsteps could be heard coming down from the staircase. "Hey,
G-Man! You have a t-shirt I could borrow? Billy Idol ripped mine when he. . ." He
stopped at the bottom of the stairs dumbfounded. "Oh, dear."

Buffy scrambled to her feet. "Xander?" She couldn't believe her eyes.

He tensed. Giles didn't tell him they were coming - he simply sent him upstairs to shower
saying in not too many words that he stunk big time.

"Oh my God." Willow finally found her voice.

He blushed. "Willow." She crossed the room and crashed into his arms.

He picked her up off the ground with easy and swung her around. His mind was spinning
too. This was good, it felt good to have his best friend back in his arms. . .and bad,
very bad. She'll never forgive him for what he did, neither would Buffy. Guilt took up
residence in his throat and he had trouble speaking. "It's good to see you. So good."
He put her down and looked at her before sending his gaze to Buffy. "What? No hug?" She
remained firmly in place, shock carved deeply into her features. He knew that look.
Slowly he crossed the room and stood in front of her. He reached a tentative hand up and
touched her cheek. "Hey there roomie."

"You left. Without saying goodbye, you just left." She whispered. She glanced at Willow
then looked down at the ground.

He reached out to her and pulled her into his arms. She resisted at first but sunk in
slowly and returned the hug. "I've missed you. You big oaf, where have you been?"

"I took care of my uncle the first year. He got better so I moved back in with my parents
and started working the door at the Bronze. Anya blew back into town." He gestured for
them both to take a seat before he continued. "And blew right back into my basement.
I'll spare you the details."

"Thanks." Buffy and Willow said at the same time.

"You guys did get my letters, right?"

"But where have you been for the past year and a half?" Willow asked.

He shrugged. "Around. I tried the whole cross country thing again after Anya left. .
.again." He ran his fingers needlessly through his hair. They both stared at him.
"This? I went incognito for a while. I made the wrong people mad. . .got a little scared
to death, but I survived." He smiled but could tell it was forced. He noted their
worried expressions. "I'm fine, really. Giles here sent Spike after me, he took care of
the bad guys and here I sit." It was a fly by the seat of your pants excuse, but it was
all he could come up with at the time. It seemed to do the trick. "God, you look like
hell, Buff."

She laughed. "Thanks Xand. I can always count on you to pull the punches."

Giles watched the entire exchange with a stoic expression. How could he tell them now?
The love between the three of them spoke clearly, as did the guilt hidden behind Xander's
eyes. "I have some information that may be troublesome."

Xander's head shot up to Giles. Now? It was too soon. . .he didn't have enough time to
enjoy this. Now it was going to be taken away so quickly.

Willow looked up at him. "You said something about Quentin. I thought he was dead. We
left him in the sewers."

"Quite right. By all accounts, there is nothing that leads me to believe that he's
alive. I've consulted my books and there is some odd activity coming up. I want to look
into it just to be sure Quentin and Ethan aren't involved."

"That's it? Giles, we can research tomorrow, and I just got home." Willow protested a
little annoyed.

"He didn't tell me he called you guys." Xander interrupted. "I think he wanted to
surprise you."

"Oh." Willow immediately regretted her words. "I'm sorry Giles, I didn't mean.. . ."

"It's quite alright." He smiled at her.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. Two hours tied up in the back of a van with
Spike will do that to a person." Xander shot him a glance.

"Well you weren't exactly willing you bloke. It took me almost a year to find your
pathetic hide."

"What's going on?" Buffy cut in slightly amused. "Spike tying Xander up. Now that's
gotta be. . "

"Not high on my list of explanations I'd like to make." Xander cut in.

Giles cleared his throat. "That may be best saved for tomorrow when we're all wide
awake."

"Good. I think I'm wiped out too. The jet lag is starting to kick in." She looked over
at Buffy.

She nodded. "Yeah. Patrol was a little rough. I'll be going too if you don't mind."

Giles led them to the door. "Indeed. We'll see you around noon then?"

Both girls nodded and headed back for home.

Giles closed the door and stood there for a moment.

"You didn't tell them." Xander stated.

"No. No I didn't."

"Thank you."

He turned. "And I won't. That's your job."

-----------------

They'd been sitting facing each other for the past ten minutes now. Buffy on the couch
and Willow in the armchair. Neither one of them was budging. Willow finally broke
through the silence. "It was good to see Xander again. I can't believe his hair."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah.. He looks like a cheap knock off of. . ."

"Spike, yeah, and I never thought I'd say this but it was nice to see Spike, I mean after
all he was so involved in everything in England, he saved our lives and still he never
changes I can't believe he still watches MTV and Giles looked the same too although I saw
him a few months ago before I. . ."

"Will." Buffy looked up at her.

She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap. "Sorry. Babble mode."

"It's okay. I kinda missed it." She whispered.

Willow looked up. "Really?"

"Kinda."

"Is there anything else. . .you know. . .you kinda missed?"

"Well. . ."

Willow got up and sat down next to her on the couch. "I missed. . .some stuff too."

"Yeah?"

"Mmm. I missed the ice cream parlor down the block, and I missed the patrols and Giles,
and going to the Grotto and." Willow looked over at her. Her expression was unreadable,
like a blank wall. "Buffy, I missed you."

"Yeah?"

"Every day. But I had to do it, I had to finish my studies and I knew it wouldn't be fair
of me to ask you to come because you had to stay here."

"But I would have."

"I know and I didn't ask because you would have."

"So you didn't want me around, is that it? Would I have just been an embarrassment to you
and your big Oxford friends?" The anger flared up a little.

"No! That's not it. I wanted you there, you don't know how much. But I couldn't ask you
to go because it would have been selfish of me. You have to know that I want you all to
myself and you would have been a distraction. . .but in a good way." She reached for her
hand and was met with no resistance. "It was really crappy of me to leave like that and
not tell you about the spell. We were just starting out here and all of a sudden I found
it and then I got the admissions packet in the mail. . .I forgot I'd even sent for it."

"I wish you had talked to me about it."

"I'm so sorry Buffy. There are other reasons I went back too." She took a deep breath
before continuing. "I needed. . .I needed to go back there to where it happened. I
remember what happened, you know that. . .but I never came to terms with it, never faced
it. I had to go back to that alley, and I had to do it alone. I needed to show myself
that. . .that it didn't own me. . .that I owned it and I could make it as big or as little
as I wanted to. . .so I went there and I looked around and I cried and I shook and I
remembered and I shrunk it down to a tiny little insignificant piece of dust that's never
gonna haunt me again." She sniffled a little and wiped a fresh tear from her eye. "And I
had to do it alone. . .for me. . .so it wouldn't consume or affect us." She whispered.

Buffy sat quietly taking it all in. She never wanted to realize that there were some
things Willow had to do on her own, had to face herself. And here she was feeling angry
and hurt and resentful when in the end, she'd done it for her, for them. "Will, I never
realized. . .I thought it was over. I didn't even see that you were still hurting from
it."

"Because I didn't want you to." She reached into her pocket and pulled out something they
both knew very well. "I changed the potency of the ring. It didn't make me super
detached girl, but it didn't allow my emotions to take over either." She placed it on the
table. "When I left England I took it off. . .and I never want to wear it again." She
touched Buffy's face lightly. "I never want to not feel anything around you ever. I want
you to know it all. . .the good, bad and ugly Willow." She attempted a lighthearted smile

Buffy leaned into her touch. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling. . .this
feeling she'd yearned for over the past few months. . .Willow had returned home to her, to
their home. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. . .all she could do is feel.

"There's an ugly Willow?"

"Buffy." She smiled more sincerely now.

"Cuz if there was I must have skipped that chapter."

Willow leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. It was warm, friendly. . .sort of a
'let's get used to this again' kiss. She leaned back and was met with a pair of
glistening hazel eyes. She couldn't help but smile. "Hey." She whispered.

"Hey yourself." She leaned over and placed her head in Willow's lap. For that second, in
that one moment, she felt like everything would maybe be okay.

--------------

"I'm in." He whispered into the receiver.

"Your just toying with me again." The voice couldn't hide some astonishment. "You know
how I hate that."

"It was too easy." A self satisfactory grin crossed his face. "I felt cheap."

"Remember the plan, darling. Even now I can hear the stars begin to weep. They're
afraid. . .very afraid."

"Don't worry, baby. I've got it covered." He hung up the phone and smiled to himself.
He walked over to the window, took out a cigarette and lit it. Inhaling deeply, then
exhaling, he couldn't help but chuckle. <Too easy.>

--------------

------------

'Now I lay me down not to sleep, I just get tangled in the sheets'
'I swim in sweat three inches deep, I just lay back and claim defeat'
'Chapter read and lesson learned, I turn the lights of while she burned'
'So while she's three hundred degrees, I throw the sheets off and I freeze'
'My hands are locked up tight in fists, My mind is racing, filled with lists'
'Of things to do and things I've done, Another sleepless night's begun'
'Who needs Sleep?' by Blues Traveler


~~Two years previous~~ 2007

He dropped two letters in the slot of the mailbox on the corner of Fifth and Main. It
seemed funny to him that almost every town he stopped in had a Fifth and Main, and there
was always a mailbox to be found. He wanted to think about this for a while, how small
the world suddenly seemed, but there was no time for it.

He crossed the street quickly and disappeared down a dark alley. It was a shortcut he
wasn't fond of, but it would get him there just in time. Taking money at the door of a
local kink club. It was his dream come true. Well, it would have been had he been the
same boy that left Sunnydale two years ago, but he wasn't. Things were different and if he
had to make a living taking money from scum who were foaming at the mouth to have other
forms of scum beat them into submission, well, that's just how it had to be.

He stumbled upon the club in a drunken stupor, gambled and lost, then lost even more. Now
he was working off his debt. Home was a little shack behind the club, not much to speak
of but it didn't leak when it rained, well much anyway, and the food was free.

The oddest sense of being watched consumed him and he doubled his pace. Fifty feet to go.
. .forty. . .twenty five. . .fifteen in the home stretch. He almost made it to the end of
the alley then something grabbed him, something strong and smelling of dead roses. The
time he went with Buffy to the mortuary flashed through his mind - dead roses lingered in
the air too.

He found himself slammed against the wall and a very strong, feminine hand grasped his
throat.

"Little boy, little boy. . .so very far away from home."

It was dark, but he saw a glimmer of yellow in the eyes before him.

"Has little bo peep allowed her sheep to wander so far from pasture?" She cackled, a high
pitch maniac's cackle that could only be pulled off by one person.

"Drucilla." He managed to squeak out before her grip tightened.

"The stars are speaking and what do they say? The hours are ticking, ticking and where
shall they lead? Away, away" She loosened her grip and stroked his hair with her free
hand. "He's gone now you know, the man who walked this world and the other. The shadow
has been slaughtered and they're not happy." She smiled. "I want you, want your help and
I promise great things will happen. You are destined for great things, I can smell it in
your eyes and see it on your veins. You're the one."

"The one what?" <Damn voice. . .Stop shaking!>

She let him go but remained in front of him and her tone took on an eerie singsong
timbre. "The Shadow man, the Shadow man, he walked the line where no one can."

"You're insane, you know that?"

She grabbed him again. "Not as insane as you may think. Normalcy is in the eye of the
beholder, my love." Clarity crept into her eyes. "I will take care of your debt, but you
must take care of me. I will bring you places you've never dreamt of, never knew
existed. When the prophesy is at hand you alone will rule Liveside and Deadside and I
shall be your queen."

A car drove by and he saw her face, saw the yellow in her vampiric eyes and knew he didn't
have a chance. <A killer lives behind those eyes> he thought. . .but then he was
stricken by the unfamiliarity of the voice in his head. . .it was feminine. He froze and
wondered if he thought it or if she projected it into him. He heard the pain before he
actually felt it. . .heard her throat working to push down the blood that flowed from him
and now through her.

The last thought to cross his mind was that he deserved this, all of it. He deserved to
die near a mailbox off of Fifth and Main in a dark alley he'd almost made it to the end
of. The murkiness came and his eyes rolled to the side. . .it was more like five feet to
salvation. <Miscalculation's a bitch and I've always sucked at math.> Darkness.

----------------

He slowly opened his eyes and found that not only had his clothes disappeared, but so had
a lot of blood. He knew this because when he sat up he was blinded by a swooning in his
head first then looking down he wondered where his shirt was second. All before he
flopped back down on the bed. <Bed?> He opened his eyes again and saw that he was in a
room possibly underground. There were floor length candles everywhere and dead roses in
vases scattered about the room. <Dead roses. . Drucilla. . GULP!>

Panic stricken and weak, he flailed about the bed much like a fish out of water. This
drew laugher from the left side of the room. Maniacal laugher.

"Drucilla." He whispered.

"Feeling better boy?"

"I've been worse. Where am I?"

"I've repaid your debt and we are underground. The stars are awake and laughing."

He'd had just about enough of the riddles. Wacky vampire or not, he wanted some answers.
"Repaid my debt?"

"I sent them all to sleep, they'll never bother you again." She smiled and stepped out
from the shadows. "The prophesy is coming and magic is afoot. You're destined to be a
warrior."

He rubbed the back of his head. "More like the court jester. What do you want from me?
Am I a. . a"

"I've not turned you into a vampire. You're of no use to me like that, yet anyway." She
crossed the room and sat on the bed with him. "I know what it's like, to not have them
understand you, to know things no one else knows about." She tipped his head up to look
into his eyes. "They'll never understand, you know that. But I do. . mommy knows. Won't
you let me make it better? Let me take the pain away."

A tear escaped from his eye. They never would understand, would they? Never accept what
he'd become. He had trouble facing himself in the mirror, how would they look at him?
Buffy, Willow, Giles. . he'd failed them, and himself. Always the failure always the one
to muck it up. No more, never again. He wiped the tears away and gave her a sad smile.
"Make it go away." He whispered. "Make it all disappear."

She locked into his gaze and he straightened up. Her hands wove intricate patterns in
front of his face and the last thing he thought of was how peaceful he'd felt. More so
than he could ever remember feeling.

------------------

~~One year later~~ 2008

It was done and there was nothing left to do. The diary, wrapped in a pain brown package,
had been tucked under his arm and he was bringing it to meet it's destiny. He scribbled
the address down from memory and dropped it in the slot. All that was left now was
waiting and more waiting.

The smell of gardenia's hung in the air thickly. He made his way down the street at a
steady stride. He passed men, women and children celebrating in the streets. This was
New Orleans and this was, in all it's glory, Mardi Gras. Had he felt like a younger man,
had he still some glimmer left in his eyes, he would have been there with them. Those
were times long gone now. He rounded the corner and St. Anne's loomed in the distance,
her pointed steeple reaching out and seemingly touching the stars. He approached not the
church, but the manhole ten feet away from it. With a quick look around, he moved the
cover and descended into the murky darkness.

----------

She wore a long low-cut red satin dress that reached the floor. A rope, seemingly made
out of gold, was tied around her waist and there were spray's of baby's breathe stuck in
her long black hair. She walked languidly across the room, almost floating. He was
close, she could smell him, sense his presence. Her love had returned to her, just as
he'd promised.

She pulled a rose from the vase in the corner. She inhaled it deeply, allowing the
fragrance to dance in her nostrils. She smiled and close her eyes. "You have returned."

He'd been standing there watching her, leaning against the wall. "As always."

"And you have news?" She smelled the flower again.

"It's a beautiful night out tonight. You should really come to the surface. The entire
city is out there, waiting for their queen." A smile played across his face.

"You toy with me again." She frowned and crushed the rose in her palm. When she let it
fall to the ground, it was nothing but dust. "Make mommy happy. Tell me you've found
it." She turned and pouted.

He shook his head and began to stroll over towards her. He stopped midway to light a few
candles, then put his hands in his pockets and cocked his head to the side. "No. . .but
I've found someone who can." He closed the small space between them and loomed in closer,
placing a kiss on her neck.

"I want it now." She folded her arms across her chest and leered at him.

He stepped back. "Time. It will take time to gain his trust." He hooked her chin with
his index finger. "It took you time to earn mine, now didn't it?"

"I had a vision." She smiled at him.

His eyebrows went up. "And what did you see?"

"I saw a feast and there were people there. They were dancing naked in the streets,
unaware that it was the last night they'd dance forever." She smirked.

He nodded his head knowingly. "I see. . .and you wouldn't have had this vision when you
went to the surface earlier?" He pulled another rose from the vase and sniffed it. "I
pass Bourbon Street on my way here, you know."

She frowned. "I was hungry."

"You didn't have to leave them propped up at the bar. I was having a drink and the
bartender found them. You caused quite the panic." He dropped the rose and touched her
cheek lightly. "Three of them? Are you feeling weak again?"

She nodded. "I feel myself slipping away, away from you. Every day I feel it more and
more. The bottom is falling out of my head and my intestines are creeping up my throat to
strangle all the knowledge out of my mind. I don't think they like me anymore."

He blinked from the imagery. "Your intestines?"

"The Gods and Goddesses. They're angry I think." She snaked her arms around his neck and
ran her fingers through his hair seductively. "Make it better? Only you can." She
kissed his lips lightly and nipped at his lower lip with her teeth. "Only the source can
fill the vessel."

He knelt down in front of her and removed his shirt. There were scars all over his back,
tiny little X's carved in the shape of a lazy V. He looked up at her, his eyes imploring
yet steady. "Not too much. I couldn't move for three days last time. . .and I'm of no
use to you sleeping the days away." He put his hands up against the wall in front of him
and braced himself.

She nodded and knelt behind him. She ran her hands roughly across the scars. "Not too
much, not at all." With her nails, she carved a new X at the top of his shoulder and he
shuddered. She held him steady as she licked the fresh wound. It wasn't flowing fast
enough for her, she needed more. She could feel the energy seep in slowly and
methodically, but always she needed more. Suddenly she clamped down on his shoulder and
he faded into the darkness with a shrill cry.

-----------

------------

'Oh and every time I'm close to you'
'there's too much I can't say'
'and you just walk away'
'And I forgot'
'to tell you I love you'
'and the night's too long and cold here'
'without you'
'I grieve in my condition'
'for I cannot find the words to say'
'I need you so'
'I Love You' by Sarah McLachlan

She'd just dusted the last of the late risers and was headed back for home when she
stopped short. "I know you're there."

He waited a moment then jumped down from the tree he was sitting in. "No so stealthy guy
anymore. I'll have to work on that."

"What were you doing up there, Xand?"

"Just keepin my eye on ya." He shrugged and offered a slight grin.

She scrunched her eyebrows. "Now one more time with feeling." She beckoned him to follow
her. "Come on. What's on your mind?"

He sighed and was lost in thought for a moment before he answered. "Is. . well, is
everything okay? Between you and Will I mean."

"Why do you ask?"

"I sensed some tension the night I came home and even more when we were researching."

She sighed and stopped walking. "We're having a hard time adjusting. She's been away for
a while and. . ."

"Feed me anything Buff, you know I'll take it. . .but don't feed me that line of
bullshit." She gave him a look of shock, but he continued. "Everything went back to
normal when she came for a visit during her freshman year at Oxford. We were the Scoobs
all over again the minute she walked through the door. Now things are, well, different."

"It's complicated." She shrugged and continued walking.

He stood there then fell back into step with her. "Do you love her?"

"Of course I do, she's one of my best friends."

He grabbed her arm. "You know what I mean, Buffy. Don't play dumb with me."

"Xander let go. What the hell is up with you?"

"Don't be evasive girl with me. You love her, she loves you, what's the problem?"

She shook her head. "It's not that simple."

"Did she find out about. . ."

"God no Xander! Not if I ever want her to speak to me again. What am I supposed to say
to her? Gee Will, Xander and I got all cuddly when you were at Oxford because I didn't
want to admit I was in love with you." Her eyes widened and her hand covered her mouth.

"I knew, I've always known."

She shook her head. "No. I didn't tell anyone. I never. . ."

"Let me tell you something, Buffy. I've been on the road more often than not in the past
five years. The things I've seen, well, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've slept in rat
infested shacks and roach motels and I've been beaten to within an inch of my life too
many times to count. You know what kept me going? You. You and Will. You guys were my
lifeline out there. I kept on thinking, 'how would Buffy get out of this?' or 'if I was
as smart as Will, what would she do?'. And you know what I came up with? You'd go to her
for advice and she'd do the same. I've known Willow all my life and I know when she loves
someone with all her heart, I can tell. . .unless of course it's me then I'm Blindboy.
The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be to you what
she is and I could never be to her what you are."

She put her hand on his. "Xander, what happened to you out there?"

He looked down for a moment, lost in thought. <Everything happened to me, Buff.
Everything, too much and not enough.> "It doesn't matter. Not now." He lifted his head
and suddenly he was like the old Xander again. "Go to her Buffy. Fix things before it's
too late. She loves you I can see it in her eyes. She never even looked at Oz like that,
or me. What ever it is your punishing yourself for, just stop. It's not worth it. I
know how you can get so just don't. The only thing you have to do is let her love you."
He kissed her forehead and touched her cheek for a moment. "It's not too late. Night
roomie." And he walked off into the night. <God knows it's too late for me.>

--------

She let herself into the house quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping form she knew
would be on the couch. The talk with Xander really had her shook up.

"Buffy?" A sleepy voice called from the couch.

"Yeah, Will."

"How was patrol?" She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Piece of cake. I ran into Xander." She sat down next to the redhead.

"Yeah? How is he? I made him promise he'd stop in for some quality Oreo cookie's and
milk time but he hasn't yet."

"He's good, I guess. He's being, I don't know."

"Mystery guy?"

"Yeah. It's like he's not saying everything he wants to say. I got a lot out of him
tonight. Apparently he had it really rough these past few years while traveling. He
never let on in his letters. I wonder why?"

Willow shrugged. "I'm not sure. There's something missing in his eyes. He always looks
so tortured. Reminds me of Angel."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. He's still perceptive though. He knows there's something off.
Between us I mean."

"Something is off between us. . .you can't sleep on the couch forever you know." Buffy
got up and began to walk away only to be stopped by Willow grabbing her arm. "Hey. Talk
to me."

She couldn't face her, couldn't look at her. Things had gotten better, but not really.
"Will, can we just not? I'm too tired to fight and I need a shower."

"Who said anything about fighting?" She rose from the couch and put her hands around the
Slayer's waist. "That's the last thing I wanna do. I've been home for almost three days
and we haven't even slept in the same bed."

"I fell asleep"

"Watching TV, I know." Willow nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss there. "I've missed
you. YOU you. Know what I mean?"

Buffy sighed in her arms. "Will. . ."

"Shh, not now. I don't wanna talk." She turned her around so they were face to face.
She leaned in to kiss her, but Buffy turned her head and Willow kissed her cheek. "Buffy,
what are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know, Will." She closed her eyes to possibly keep the tears from coming. "When
you left it was like, God, it was like when Angel left but worse in a lot of ways." She
pulled from the redheads embrace and stepped a few paces away. "All I could think was
what if she doesn't come back? What if she meets someone there and forgets all about me?
What if I'm not good enough anymore?" She turned to face her now. "And Xander? He left
too, Will. He packed up his things and left me a note and walked out of my life. He
didn't even say goodbye." She began to pace. "We brought you to the heli-port so you
could go to LAX and go back to England. I went on patrol, he went home and packed. I
stayed downstairs with my mom that night so I never even knew until the next morning."

"Buffy. . ."

"So you see Will? You left, Xander left. . .and now your both back. Who's to say your
not gonna leave again?" She stopped and leaned against the wall, bringing her arms around
herself.

Willow approached her. "I'm here to say it. As much as I can mean it, I can say that I'm
not gonna leave you. I can't promise that Giles won't send me on an assignment that you
can't go on, or that my parents are gonna suddenly call me to come visit them, but. ."
She wrapped her arms around the girl in front of her. "I can promise you that I'd hate
the idea of being away from you again. Buffy, I never WANT to leave you again. If I have
any control over my life for the rest of it, I'd steer it towards yours and never let go.
So this way it's our life, not just yours or mine. Ours."

She swallowed the tears down. "I want to believe you Will. . ."

"If you don't believe my words, then let me prove it to you with actions." She took her
hand and led her to the bedroom. Willow softly closed the door and lit a few candles that
were scattered around the room.

Buffy stood at the foot of the bed, their bed, feeling like a scared teenager again. In
truth it had been two years since that amazing night in Spike's attic. They'd had two
nights just like it since then. Once on Buffy's birthday and on the night before Willow
went back to Oxford. Sex hadn't been important to them, truth be told, they'd achieved a
greater and more lasting bond by getting to know each other inside and out. Nothing was
more intimate than looking in your lovers eyes, seeing a small change there and knowing
exactly what it was and how to fix it. It was an almost spiritual experience to know
someone that well.

Willow approached her from behind. Slowly, she slipped the sweater Buffy was wearing off
her shoulders. She laid it on the bed and kissed her neck. "I never want to leave you
again." <I love you Buffy. You have to believe me.>

Buffy turned and gazed into her eyes. "I couldn't take it if you. . ." She was cut off
by a kiss. <I love you Will. But I'm scared.> She wrapped her arms around Willow's
waist.

She froze and opened her eyes.

"Will? What is it?" <Oh, God. . .I've done something wrong.>

She shook her head. "No you haven't." She whispered.

It was Buffy's turn to freeze. "But I didn't. . "

"Kiss me."

"Will, I don't. underst . ."

"Just do it. Trust me."

Buffy leaned in and kissed her again. The kiss grew in intensity when Willow opened her
mouth to ask for more. Buffy entwined her tongue with Willows and both girls breathing
increased. <God, Will. . .torture to be away from you for so long.>

Willow pulled away and gasped. "I can hear your thoughts."

"No. It's impossible."

"You just said that it was torture to be away from me so long."

"Oh." She blushed a moment but then became concerned. "What does this mean? Why can't I
hear what your thinking?"

"I don't know, but I know someone who might." She sighed in resignation. This wasn't
exactly the night she had planned.

Buffy nodded and put her sweater back on. "Giles."

----------------

------------

"Giles!" Both girls burst through the door.

He looked up from the paper he was reading. "Have you forgotten how to knock? They still
knock on doors in England, at least they did the last time I. . ."

"No time for knocking." Buffy rushed up to him. "Giles. Willow can read my thoughts.
What the hell is going on?"

He looked stricken but regained his composure quickly. "I see. This is an interesting
development."

"Giles I know that look. That's the same look you gave me when you and Angel told me
about fighting the master. What's going on?"

He got up and walked to the kitchen, busying himself with making tea. "Well, it could be
several things. You could simply be tuning into each other, or or, have you faced any
demons lately without. . "

"Mouths? No. Been there, slayed that. It's been only dusting for the past year. You
know that."

He put the kettle on the stove and turned up the heat. "Perhaps we should look into this
further. Can you read her thoughts?"

Willow walked over and sat down on the couch. "No she can't , but her's are coming
through loud and clear." She put her head down and blushed.

Giles noted the discomfort and thought it would be best not to inquire as to the nature of
the thoughts. "Ahem, I see." He walked out of the kitchen and joined them on the couch.
"Did you come up against anything in England?"

Willow shook her head. "Just final exams. Why don't we hit the books?" She smiled.

"Only you would be tickled about anything that leads to research, Will."

"Alright. I suggest you start with the books on telekinetics and psychic connections,
mythical or otherwise." Giles pointed to a bookshelf. "Let me know if you come up with
anything." He rose to the sound of the kettle whistling. "I'll be over there looking
through the Codex for a prophesy of some sort. Better safe than sorry."

-------------

'Things not what they used to be, missing one inside of me.'
'Deathly lost, this can't be real, cannot stand this hell I feel.'
'Emptiness is filling me, to the point of agony.'
'Growing darkness taking dawn, I was me, but now he's gone.'
'Fade to Black' by Metallica

He strolled down the block with a little more color in his cheeks. Willy the snitch sent
him on his way when he cleaned out half the bar of their money in a game of five card
stud. He'd become quite the gambler after he made the mistake of losing to a bunch of
mind reading demons and wound up working for nothing to pay off the debt. He stopped
short suddenly and sniffed the air. <She's close.>

On cue, she appeared from behind a tree about ten paces ahead of him. "No fair. You
cheated."

He smirked and walked up to her. "I can't help it if I've got you under my skin.
Literally. You made sure of that." There was a hint of anger there. "I thought we
agreed you'd stay away for now until I sent for you?"

"Are you sad? I've missed you. . as much as Miss Edith has."

He shook his head. "Not now Dru."

"Tell mommy what's wrong. Let me kiss it and make it better?" She snaked her arms around
his neck and licked his lip. "Let me take it all way."

"I don't want you to take it away. I deserve it."

"You deserve the world and much more besides." She tilted her head back and smiled.
"Look, luv, the stars are out for you tonight. They're waiting for the day to come. It's
close and soon they'll be dancing in your honor. . .and in mine." She looked into his
eyes then leaned up and suckled his neck.

He swooned a little. It was always the same, the feeling, the power coarsing through her
and into him. . .it was like a drug and he was addicted. "Dru." He pulled her away and
she frowned. "Let's go somewhere less public. They could be anywhere and I don't want to
get caught." <Not yet anyway.> He looked around suspiciously.

"Aww. Are you worried about daddy finding out? If it'll make you happy I'll kill him for
you." An evil smile played across her lips. "I'll pull out his intestines and boil them
and then we can hang them from the chandelier back home. I miss it so. Don't you?"

He made a disgusted sound a the back of his throat. "Ugh. What is it with you and
intenstines?" He shook his head and took her hand. "As much as it would please me to no
end to see Spike's entrails on a string, I think you should hold off on that. It's too
soon." He kissed her chastely. "Come on." He looked around almost knowing someone was
there. "I know a place."

She smiled and allowed herself to be dragged away.

A figure stepped out of the shadows and into the street light. He took a long drag on a
cigarette and stamped it out with his boot. The anger and repugnance danced in his eyes.
"Kill me? Boil my intestines will you? Argh!!!!" He punched the air and stamped his
feet and punched his hand with his fist. After getting it out he gained some composer and
straightened himself out. "Well. Look who's been batting for the other team. I should
have known Dru was behind this. . .fungus demon must've sent her packing." He shook his
head and chuckled. "Well, this does nothing but put an interestng spin on things." He
lit another cigarette and walked off in the direction of a certain Watcher's house.

----------

Buffy was going through the last of the books on the fourth bookcase for the third time.
This was getting them no where. Her back hurt and her eyes were crossed and evil little
thoughts were beginning to go through her mind. <Willow. . .skin. . .bed. . .naked. . .>

"Buffy!" Willow's head shot up and gave her an incredulous look.

She offered a sheepish grin. "Oops?"

"Either your really bored with research or your reverting back to cro-magnon Slayer.
Willow good, reseach bad." She chuckled.

"Hey!" She sat down next to the redhead. "I'm wiped out. We're getting a big fat zero
in the 'Ah ha I've found it right in front of me' department. What do you say we go
home?" She batted her eyelashes. "Pleeeeease?" Willow was still sorting through a pile
of books. "Will?"

She pulled one out of the pile. "Ah ha!" She gave a triumphant little squeek. "I don't
remember seeing this one before."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "and I'm sure it was right in front of you this whole time. Come
on Will, we've seen every one of Giles' books at least a hundred times."

Willow shook her head ans her expression changed suddenly. She handed the red leather
book to Buffy. "No. Look."

Buffy opened it up to the first page and read it out loud. "Journal entries of Alexander
LaVelle Harris. July 30, 1999. Oxnard. The engine fell out of my car, and that was
literally. So here I am playing dish boy at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a
month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. . . " She stopped and flipped
through to the last entry. "The last entry is December 6, 2004. Will, that's the night
you went back to Oxford and he left." Buffy closed the book and placed it inside her
coat.

"What are you doing?"

"If wer're gonna find out what's going on with him, this is the best way to do it." She
walked to the stairs and yelled. "Giles, we're leaving. See you tomorrow." She gave
Willow a quick look and was out the door.

"Buffy, wait up!" She ran out after her.

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