Re: End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report for April 2003

[Tater <tater@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

TO: Director of Public Safety, All Department Heads; and all other
interested parties.
FROM: United Vegetable Empire
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report for
April 2003

Item 2:
Any chance there's room to move the entire United Vegetable Empire into the
Fortress of Denial? Or maybe we should just declare the Empire a Denial Zone.
Ooo... yeah, if we declare the Empire a Denial Zone, we can throw a Denial
Party. I'll have the brocolli paint the Denial Zone signs and the carrots
crank up the BBQ pit. I'll arrange for the usual tanker trucks of spiked
Jungle Juice. Party at the Vegetable Palace everyone! Bring naked hackers.
All Billy Idol lookalikes will be roasted in the BBQ pit. There will be a
ritual burning of Joss and Marti effigies in the south courtyard.
Partygoers are welcome to bring their own effigies to add to the pyre.
That's effigies they've made, not effigies of themselves, unless they're
into that sort of thing. If we all get drunk enough, maybe we can make
everything after season five go away.


Item 4:
Tater... for the love of all the gods... the demonic cabbages are now break
dancing!!! Why in the name of all that is semi-sane did you let them rent
all those 'break dancing' videos???

Well, we were trying to get them to quit Riverdancing. Which did work.
They have quit Riverdancing. ...Okay, so maybe it's not exactly an
improvement. Anybody got a video of a nice ballroom waltz we can borrow?


Item 5:
Okay - which one of you jokers told the turnips that the Gutter Accountant
was going to be extracting blood from them?? Now as fun as it is to stir
up the Demonic Cabbages - especially when someone has a Barbie doll they
want to see sacrificed to Tater the Great - High Veggie Ruler of the
Universe... I do have to draw a line at tormenting the turnips... there is a
small but determined group of them outside my office protesting the use of
said turnips as blood donors... apparently the rumour involves the bleached
Billy Idol impersonator being at the so-called Turnip Blood Drive and
handing out orange juice.

Please, everyone, do not torment the turnips. They have absolutely no sense
of humor, and are just plain no fun. They can't even come up with a good
lewd protest. Complete waste of effort to mess with them.


Item 7:
Isn't Shadow being an evil little so-n-so for giving you a taste of the
mayhem that is currently brewing in Stormchaser without so much of a warning
other then this?? Well of course, I am - sheesh, you guys want me to get
kicked out of the 'Mischief-makers of the World' Society and have to give up
my seat on the Counsel for the Tormenting of List Lurkers??? Well do you??
I got a reputation as a mischief-maker and List trouble-maker to live up
to... and besides, I'm just about blown through that damn writer's block and
will hopefully have something to post to the list to REALLY mess with
everyone's heads!!

Now that we have been teased, new chapters of Stormchaser had darn well
better show up soon. Otherwise we'll show the Demonic Cabbages 100 hours of
Brittany Spears videos, and then send them over to the Office of Public Safety.


tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
Head: United Vegetable Empire