B/W fanfic PG13. Prologue to longer story.

["wizathogwarts" <mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx>]

My humble offering. There's more if you like.

mike - In the Beginning 
By mike (mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx) 
SPOILERS: None 
RATING: PG. It is a Buffy/Willow fic but doesn't include Willow 
quite yet. 
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to 
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. 
FEEDBACK: Constructive comments are encouraged. 
SUMMARY: (Buffy/Other) As long as I've been watching BVTS, I have 
always felt that Joss keeps dropping hints that Buffy and Willow 
belonged together. So I started thinking what would have happened if 
Buffy had realized at an early age that she was gay (no six seasons 
of denial girl forcing doomed ships with guys while getting here 
true warm fuzzies playing with Willow's hair and holding her hand 
every chance she gets). This is the beginning. 
Authors Notes: Thanks to Kirayoshi for the encouragement. 

Prologue for To Thine Own Self Be True 
In the beginning 

The sun was shining down on soft green grass while gentle breezes 
softly moved among the topmost tree branches. The laughter of young 
children blended with the sunlight and wind to create an almost 
magical symphony, causing everyone young and old to smile just for 
the joy of being a part of such a beautiful day. 
A dozen children who had just completed their first year of school 
played in the park, loving watched over by a few mothers. One young 
girl with blond hair in twin pony tails was casually hanging from 
the top most bars of the jungle gym. She wasn't concerned with her 
precarious position as she balanced on one foot with one hand 
casually keeping her body from tumbling forward. No, she was as 
comfortable in precarious positions as a most people only feel when 
safely ensconced in their big comfy easy chairs. She didn't give it 
a thought actually, because her thought and focus were on the young 
girl kicking herself into long arches on the swing. At six years 
old, their was no thought about what she was feeling while looking 
at the girl on the swing. Only that she needed to look at her 
because it felt right. Seeing her just made her feel good. Nothing 
complicated, it just felt comfortable. There was no insightful 
analysis of the way the girls soft reddish brown hair moved in 
cadence with the swinging arches. No aching desire for the bare skin 
of her legs as they pumped back and forth below the hem of her knee 
length shorts. None of the complexities of adolescent hormones. Just 
the rightness only felt with childhood innocence. None the less, 
this was another defining time in the nature of the young blond, 
even though she had no concept of the feelings portent. 

Suddenly, the scene altered as the girl on the swing was sent 
careening from the malicious push of a dark haired boy who had 
rushed the girl from behind. She froze quickly, and a screech 
emanated from deep in her throat as she clutched desperately to the 
chains of the swing as they twisted above her like a rubber band on 
a toy wind up airplane. The young boy laughed wildly at the chaotic 
scene he had caused, watching for her to swing back so he could 
increase her discomfort and thus his enjoyment. He never got the 
chance as a blond missile that had virtually launched herself from 
the bars of the adjoining recreational equipment slammed into him 
with enough force to send him crashing to the ground where his body 
and head smacked soundly into the grass. While not terribly hurt, 
the shock and sudden pain resulted in what happens to small children 
when in this situation. He began to cry. 

The cause of his current position on the ground had turned 
immediately to throw her arms about the careening and twisting girl 
in the swing. With a thud and a grunt, she used every ounce of her 
small frame to halt the swing, bringing it to a stand still. She 
then very slowly turned the swing until it was completely untangled 
and steady. She then carefully reached out touching the girls face, 
and as she looked with concern into the girls green eyes, she 
said "You're OK now". 

The girl looked back at her slowly getting her breathing under and 
control and replied, "What happened Buffy?" 

"Tony pushed you." Buffy replied simply, know that nothing else was 
necessary. 

Coinciding with the girls rescue, Tony's crying had quickly brought 
the attention of the mothers who's attention had been temporarily 
focused on the group of smaller children playing in the sandbox. 
They had quickly run over to Tony laying on the ground, and after 
sitting him up, asked him if he was all right and what happened. 
Tony's tearful reply was "Buffy hit me!" 

The two ladies looked over at the accused to witness her with her 
arms protectively hugging the young girl in the swing with other 
girls arms desperately holding onto Buffy while quietly sobbing 
after her terrifying experience. The mother with raven hair who 
happened to be Tony's mother quickly walked over to the girls and 
grabbing Buffy's arm, yanked her away from the other girl while 
simultaneously yelling out, "Why did you hit Tony!" 

"He pushed Valerie and hurt her." Buffy replied defiantly. 

Before things could escalate, the other mother grabbed the angry 
mothers shoulder and in a firm, forceful voice said, "Carla, let her 
go now. You're going to hurt her." 

"But she hurt my Tony", the fuming mother spat out. 

"Tony is fine, but you're not going to be if you harm a six year old 
girl." The concerned woman said as she slowly, but forcefully pried 
Carla's hand from Buffy's arm. 

"Besides, she was just protecting Valerie, you know how she is..., 
and you know how rambunctious Tony is..." The other mother left both 
concepts hanging in a knowing sort of way in an effort to get 
Carla's thought turned elsewhere. 

"Yea, Lori. Just the way I'm getting with Tony." Carla responded 
knowingly as she calmed down and as her thoughts returned to her 
perceived feelings that Buffy's actions around Valerie bespoke of 
unnaturalness. 

"Come on Carla, their just kids. Buffy just has a protective 
nature." Lori continued in her matter of fact tone. 

"Yea, but she only protects the girls, and she's always close to 
Valerie." Carla argued back. "And don't you think its funny how such 
a tiny girl always wins her battles? Even against larger boys." She 
added emphatically. 

"So she's a tomboy, she'll grow out of it. By the time she's 
thirteen, all she'll be thinking about is how to get boys to like 
her." Lori replied with false confidence. 

"You might be right, it would be hard to believe that such a pretty 
little thing could turn out to be a dyke." 
Carla replied with a touch of venom underlying her words. 

Immediately after Carla's hand had left Buffy's arm, she immediately 
returned her attention and arms to comforting the still sobbing girl 
in the swing. Valerie again buried her head into the shoulder of the 
girl who always made her feel safe and happy. Buffy's right hand 
instinctively came up and stroked her hair the same way her mother 
had done to her when she had needed comfort. She realized the two 
women were talking about her, but didn't understand what they were 
talking about except that Tony's mother was mad that she had knocked 
Tony down. She did sense on some level that they were talking about 
her, about beating up the mean boys was her take on the 
conversation. That is until the last part. She had been told she was 
pretty plenty of times, so that didn't surprise her, even though she 
knew she wasn't as pretty as Valerie. No, what caught her attention 
was the new word, 'dyke'. She could sense by the way the word was 
said that it was a bad thing. At least Tony's mom thought it was 
bad. But she had discovered that she didn't always agree with what 
Tony's mom said, hardly ever actually. As she continued to comfort 
Valerie, even though the girl was calmed down, she thought to 
herself that she would ask her mom, 'mom will know if its really bad 
or not' she said to herself with confident nod. 

That night after dinner, Joyce Summers, the woman that Buffy totally 
and completely trusted with the knowledge of her small universe was 
combing Buffy's hair after her evening bath. As she carefully 
stroked the golden hair she noticed the thoughtful pinch to Buffy's 
face causing the tiny vertical folds between her eyebrows. The one 
she had learned from experience that meant that Buffy had a question 
she wanted to ask. All she had to do was wait until Buffy figured 
out how to put into words what was bouncing around in her very 
active mind. She didn't have long to wait, but she was totally 
unprepared for Buffy's topic. 

"Mommy, what's a dyke?" Buffy asked with a determined air. 

Joyce Summers wasn't oblivious to her daughter's tomboyish ways, but 
where the heck had she heard that awful word. Joyce didn't have any 
objections to lesbians, but she did have problems with derogatory 
terms for any group of people who were different from the accepted 
norm. Dyke, kike, nigger were all words that perpetuated false 
stereotypes. Now that the waiting was over, Joyce had to decide how 
to answer such a complex question in a way that a six year old girl 
could understand. 

"Mommy?" Buffy asked turning her head slowly to gaze up at her 
mother, concerned over her mothers silence. 

Joyce took a big breath and released it slowly and looked into her 
daughters concerned face and immediately her eyes softened and her 
mouth curved up in a warm, loving smile. 
Buffy was immediately reassured by her mother's smile, and smiled 
back, patiently waiting for her mothers explanation. 

"Well Buffy, its not a nice word to use. Its a mean word." Joyce 
began. 

"But what is it?" Buffy persisted. 

"You know how your father and I are married and love each other very 
much?" Joyce asked, hoping to start off with something easily 
understandable. 

"Yessss" Buffy replied slowly. 

"Well, your father is a boy and I'm a girl. Most boys fall in love 
with girls and most girls fall in love with boys". Joyce continued 
slowly, watching Buffy's face for signs of confusion. 
Buffy nodded slowly, and encouraged, Joyce continued. 

"While most boys and girls are like your daddy and I, not all girls 
fall in love with boys. Some girls fall in love with other girls. 
There is nothing bad about this, its just different. But mean people 
don't like people who are different and they make up nasty words to 
call them to hurt them. Dyke is a word that mean people use to hurt 
girls who fall in love with other girls." Joyce took in another 
breath, trying to anticipate Buffy's next question. 

"If it's a bad word, is there a good word?" Buffy asked hopefully. 

"There is a word that is in the dictionary. The word is lesbian." 
Joyce replied carefully. 

"Lesbian", Buffy repeated the word. Saying the word slowly and 
committing it to her growing vocabulary. 

Buffy thought back on the afternoon's events. Buffy was too young to 
worry about lying to herself or get involved with self deceit. Once 
the concept was explained, the result was obvious. She didn't love 
boys, in fact she couldn't figure out what good they were for except 
to cause trouble, and she loved Valerie. She wasn't sure what love 
was except that she knew she loved her mommy and daddy cause she was 
safe and happy with them. She also knew she was happy when she was 
with Valerie and everything just felt right when they were together. 
She decided matter of factly that she loved Valerie. Since she loved 
girls, that meant... Buffy again looked at her mother and proceeded 
to push Joyce's parenting skill's to their limit. 

"So I'm a lesbian, and Tony's mom is mean because she said I was a 
dyke." Buffy stated with finality. 

Joyce's eyes shot open as a myriad of thoughts and emotions 
threatened to deluge her upon hearing her baby girls self 
declaration of something she couldn't possibly even begin to grasp 
the consequences such a belief would have on her little girls life. 
All this fighting with the desire to grasp Carla by her fat throat 
and rip her in two. 

Buffy gasped as she saw the look of shock on her mother's face and 
Joyce quickly caught herself realizing the devastation she could 
cause if she didn't handle this properly. She immediately relaxed 
her face and smiled again. She placed her hands tenderly on her 
daughter's cheeks and said, 

"Buffy, you're too young to be a lesbian. As you get older, you will 
change and boys will become nicer and what you feel for girls will 
just be friendly stuff." Joyce silently prayed that this explanation 
would prevent Buffy from embarking on a possibly damaging path at 
such an early age. 

"As for Tony's mother, yes, she is mean. That was a very mean thing 
for her to say." And incredibly stupid and insensitive Joyce thought 
to herself. 

The thought of changing to the point of feeling for boys what she 
felt for Valerie caused Buffy to feel frightened and in a panic 
cried out to her mother, "But mommy, I don't want to change. I don't 
want to love boys. They're yucky. Please don't make me change 
mommy." The now frightened girl pleaded with her all powerful 
protector as tears began to spring from her hazel eyes. 
Quick Joyce, she mentally slammed herself in the head, say 
something. 

"Buffy, no one is going to make you change. You will only change if 
it's who you are meant to be. You started out as a little baby who 
couldn't talk or walk. Then you grew and learned to talk and walk 
and make friends. Changing is part of growing up. Who you are will 
change as you learn and grow, but what you are will always be. I'm 
just saying that you are too young yet to be sure of what you are." 
Joyce said desperately hoping to alter the course of Buffy's 
thoughts. 

Buffy paused, sniffled and wiped her eyes as she thought about what 
her mother just told her. Buffy had to see thing in their simplest 
terms. She heard her mother say who and what she was, who would 
change but what didn't. So... 

"What I am is a girl, I will always be a girl. Is lesbian a what?" 
Buffy questioned her mother. 

"Yes Buffy, lesbian is part of what a person is, like being a girl. 
But unlike the girl part, being a lesbian is more complicated. Your 
body will keep growing, and while you will always be a girl, you 
will also become a woman when your body is finished growing and you 
can't know your a lesbian until your body becomes a woman." Joyce 
explained, hoping desperately that she could end this soon. She was 
running out of ways to explain this to a frightened six year old 
girl. 

"But why do I feel like I'm a lesbian now?", Buffy persisted. 

"It's probably because little boys are so mean and little girls are 
so nice. But you don't want to make yourself something now that may 
not really happen later." Joyce paused, deciding it was time to 
bring this to an end. 

"Buffy, will you do me a favor, because I love you so much." Joyce 
said lovingly as she captured the young girls eyes with hers. 

"Yes mommy." Buffy replied with total trust. 

"Please don't say anything about being a lesbian to anyone. Not 
anyone. Lets keep it between the two of us until you become a woman 
and then we'll be able to know for sure if you are a lesbian, OK 
Buffy?" She softly said to the now calmed girl. 

"OK, it's just a secret between us." Buffy said in agreement 
followed by one more question that popped into her head. 

"But is being a lesbian a problem?" Buffy asked now curious why this 
had to be a secret. 

"Some people are mean to lesbians and try and hurt them, that's why 
I want you to keep it a secret until you know for sure because I 
don't want anyone to hurt you." Joyce explained with what she hoped 
was a finalizing tone to her voice. 

"OK, I'll keep careful. This is like not talking to strangers, right 
mom?" Buffy said with inspiration. 

"Yes Buffy, that's it exactly." Joyce breathed out a sigh of relief 
as she bundled the now yawning girl up off to bed and what she hoped 
would be a trouble free night of sleep. 

To be continued...