Re: [Re: To Thine Own Self Be True 1,2, 3/undetermined.]

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Greetings,

I'm going to back Kira up.

>>Some constructive criticism, if I may; I noticed that at some point in your 
first chapter, you switched from a third-person POV to Buffy's POV. Maybe you
should go through chapter one again and rework the first part to match the POV
of the rest of the story. 

Yes, you should. This switch is ...politly put, rather jarring. More bluntly
phrased like slamming into a brick wall at 90MPH.


However, this is one of the few 'transitory' fics that I've seen as well, that
being jumping from the movie(Which I honestly think sucked rocks.) to the
series which origianly did not suck rocks but now seems intent on gravel
slurping. 

But your fic isn't too shabby.
I can relate to the 'I WANT WAFFIES NOW' urge based on the debasement of
valued and cheriched characters in season 6 but, I'm gonna have to say, its
not working for you that way. 

Maybe it would be justified at these two 'Clicking' into place if there were
reams of more, oh I dunno, descriptions and ideas, a greater, longer look into
this Buffy's mind and why she can't keep her mouth shut. 

Also having Willow say 'I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever
seen.' is way, way, way too premature. Willow couldn't hand out her phone
number in S1, much less confess physical attraction. She makes Tara seem like
a trend setter.

Finally, ahem...I have to get this ready, sort of my catch phrase.
You're telling.

SHOW DON'T TELL!!

Ahh, I havn't had a reason to say that in months. Kinda good to finally get
that out.

Keep writing the written, and don't think you don't have the right to write
what you write and the right to value what is written and will be written, but
you have to write right or rewrite what was origianlly written wrong.(And if
you can say that ten times fast, you're a better man than I.)

I remain, as always,
Mad-Hamlet


There is only one thing that can damn me.
That can send me down in a swirling maelstrom of fire and pain.
And it is not the word of Man.
And it is not the lessons and rules of the Church, hypocrites every one.
And it is not the words of God, nor the judgements of Angels.
And it not a fair tribunal of my 'peers' that can find me guilty of crimes
immortal.
No. 
I can only be accused, judged and damned by my own Soul.
And I would never be so betrayed.

Mad-Hamlet