FIC: To Thine Own Self Be True 5/?

["wizathogwarts" <mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title - To Thine Own Self Be True 5/?
By mike (mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx) 
SPOILERS: Season 1, Welcome to the Hellmouth and The Harvest.
RATING: R. It is a Buffy/Willow fic that includes smoochies, 
caressing and mystical intimacy. 
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to 
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. 
FEEDBACK: Constructive comments are encouraged. 
SUMMARY: (Buffy/Willow) This picks up after Los Angeles. Buffy 
moves to Sunnydale and meets Willow. 
Authors Notes: 

To Thine Own Self Be True
Chapter 5
Taming the Power


Willow and I arrived at my house a little after four with books and 
lots of unanswered questions. On the walk home, I laid out my 
plan. I wanted to get homework out of the way and then I could fill 
her in on the whole slayer bit. As curious as Willow was, 
apparently being responsible enough to want to get homework done 
first really impressed her. Then she went into this non stop dialog 
about not being able to relax if she doesn't have her assignments 
done on time but how she wishes she could be more devil may care, 
but if she try's, she just wakes up in the middle of the night 
having to get everything done before school and she must have toured 
the land of Oz at least twice before taking a deep breath and 
said, "OK, stopping now." 

I was just dumbfounded by the entire event. The expressions on her 
face going from worry and panic to serious discussion with 
occasional smirky witticism. She's looking at me all worried, so I 
smile bigger and just say, "That was incredible, you are the most 
adorable being alive."

"Huhh" she replies with her eyebrows arching up and her eyes opening 
wide.
"You don't think I'm a big old spaz?" She asked me fearfully.

"No way." I tell her, "I could listen to my Will all day. Whatever 
comes out of your mouth is far more interesting than anything else I 
have ever heard." OK, I know the mush factor has gone through the 
roof but these are the things you do when you've just fallen head 
over heals in love. You don't know what's up or down and frankly, 
you don't care.

Her response was to blush so deeply her ivory complexion became the 
color of her hair. I shifted my book bag to my right side and put 
my left arm around her and placed a tender kiss on her cheek. We 
finished walking to my house just like that.

Mom wasn't home from the gallery yet and I didn't expect her until 
six thirty. We hit the books and with Willows help, I got my 
assignments worked out and we finished a little before six. 

We had set up in the living room because I still had some unpacking 
to do in my room. Putting our books away, Willow sat back and 
looked at me expectantly. I leaned towards her and gave her a 
gentle kiss on those oh so soft lips of hers. Again we felt energy 
flowing, and I was able to break it off with a mutual sigh. I sat 
back turned sideways so that I could face her and she was twisted to 
face me. I rested my hand on her knee which caused her to shiver a 
little and her cheeks flushed. I took a breath and looked her 
straight in the eyes.

"A slayer is a human girl endowed with extraordinary strength, 
speed, agility and healing so that she can battle evil. Primarily 
in the form of vampires, but essentially any demonic creature bent 
on evil. Any questions so far?" I ask her.

"Not yet, keep going." She tells me.

"OK, there is only one slayer active at a time. How slayers are 
chosen is a complete mystery. And all we know about the activation 
process is that when a slayer dies, a new slayer is activated, or 
called. I was called one week after my fifteenth birthday. I was 
always pretty tough and strong for my size, but all of a sudden, I 
was like super strong. Then Merrick showed up. Merrick was my 
watcher."

Willow interrupted with a question here, "Like Mr. Giles?" She says.

"Sorta. But I'll go into the difference later." I give her leg a 
gentle squeeze.

"Merrick introduced me to the fact that vampires and demons really 
existed. He took me to a graveyard where I witnessed my first vamp 
rising from a new grave. I was never a screamer and never shied 
from a fight but this thing was ugly and gave me major creeps. But 
when he jumped me, my instincts took over and I dusted him pretty 
quick."

"What do you mean by dusted, and how strong are you?" She 
interjected while I was catching my breath.

"When you kill a vamp by piercing their heart with a wooden stake or 
decapitate them, the entire body turns to dust. It's thick and 
gaggy. You learn real quick not to be inhaling when you take one 
out up close." I explain. "As for how strong I am, let me give you 
an idea." She had previously turned sideways on the couch and was 
sitting crossed legged. I slid my hands under her legs, palms up 
until they were firmly under each of her small firm hind cheeks. As 
my hands firmly cupped her cute little butt, her back stiffened and 
her eyes shot open wide and her breathing began to quicken. I 
smiled encouragingly at her and with my arms straight out in front 
of me, I slowly lifted her until her knees were level with my 
forehead. She gazed down at me and saw that I wasn't even straining 
and I was able to hold her without a tremor. 

"Wow, can you fly?" She whispers.

"No, I can't fly but I can jump straight up about twenty feet and I 
think I can do a running broad jump of about a hundred feet." I 
then lower her back to the couch and reluctantly remove my hands 
from underneath her. Willow also looked a little disappointed and 
protruded her lip in a pout. It was so cute, that I just had to 
lean forward and kiss it. Again with the resulting energy flow.

I decided to move things along before mom got home and grabbed her 
hand pulling her up from the couch while saying, "Come with me. 
I've covered the basics now I need you to read something."

We go up to my room and I closed the door and tell her she can sit 
on my bed. I quickly move two boxes of clothes out of the way and 
open my special chest. I lift up the top to reveal my slayer stuff 
underneath. From the special compartment in the side, I pull out 
The Letter. The one from Merrick. I open it and walk over to 
Willow. I hand the pages to her and say "Please read this."

She takes them from my hand and does as I ask. I watch her 
carefully as she reads, watching her brow furrow and her mouth open 
in an ohh. When finished, she just keeps looking at the last page 
for a few moments and then looks back up at me.

"Well? What do you think." I ask.

"This council really sucks, and if Mr. Giles works for them, there 
is no way you can trust him." She says with vehemence. "And we've 
got to figure out this person of power you need to train with so you 
can begin to fight these guys. Do you have any ideas who it is?" 
She asks me hopefully.

I look right back into those emerald pools of hers and just feel 
this incredible happy glow spreading out from my chest all through 
my body as I reply to her question.

"I already know who it is." I tell her quietly.

"YOU DO!, then who is it, tell me, tell me" she practically begs.

"How about I give you a hint" I say with a smile.
"So it's someone I know?" She quickly guesses. I knew she was 
sharp. She just has no comprehension of how special she is.

"Yes, its someone we both know." I continue to lead her on.

"OK, give me the hint." She pleads.

I lean forward and begin kissing her and as she responds we feel the 
passion and the power build. We ply each others mouths with our lips 
and tongues. Learning to make the power flow and dance within our 
sensitized body's and make it dance along our tender flesh. 
Finally, I break the kiss and she's leaning forward with her eyes 
closed, her lips half open in a tender request for more. I place my 
hand against her cheek and say "Willow, don't you feel the power?" I 
ask.

"Of course, but isn't that what happens when you kiss?" She says 
completely innocent.

I immediately realize that Willow has never been kissed before. I'm 
her first I think to myself smugly.

"You've never kissed anyone before?" I ask quietly.

"Other than relative's, just Xander and that was when we were five. 
Then he stole my barbie and we broke up. So I don't think that 
counts, because looking back, it was like kissing a relative." She 
says with a little regret.

I decide not to pursue that little tidbit, so I proceed with the 
matter at hand.

"Willow, if kissing was like what we are experiencing for everyone, 
that's all anyone would be doing. Kissing is normally nice, and 
feels really good and if done with the right person, really gets 
your juices flowing. But to the best of my knowledge, it doesn't 
raise waves of energy that make your body sing. What you and I 
create together is special and one of a kind. As Merrick's 
instructions state, it can only occur between two people of great 
mystical power who are soul mates." I tell her pouring all the love 
I feel into my words and making sure she sees it in my eyes.

"I'm a great mystical power?" She squeaks. "And you, me, us we're 
uhhh, Buffy and Willow us, you, me, soul mates?" She's starting to 
hyperventilate so I kiss her again. 

We're beginning to get good tuning the power to affect our mood. 
And I was guiding the flow with tender teasing of her tongue and 
lips to bring a calming peace to both of us. As I felt her return 
to a calm demeanor, I slowly pulled back and asked her, "Think about 
it Willow. We only met today for the first time. Yet we both felt 
compelled to commit ourselves to each other. Completely trusting in 
each other with only token caution. And you, had you ever thought 
you were gay? That you could love another girl. Would want to kiss 
and be kissed by a girl? No other explanation can explain what has 
happened to us."

"I kinda see your point, about the gay thing. Until today I never 
really thought about sex. I thought about kissing Xander because 
we've been best friends since we were five and I've never had any 
other friends that would spend much time with but Xander did. We 
did all sorts of stuff together when no one else would even give us 
the time of day, so I liked to think that we would get married some 
day, but I never thought what we would do if we were married other 
than live in a house together and give each other hello and good bye 
kisses and just be safe and comfortable with each other. In fact, 
until today, I never knew what it meant to be aroused, in a sorta 
uhh you know way, like when we kiss or you put your hand on my knee 
I get all warm and soft inside like what must happen to an M&M under 
the candy shell when you warm it up. So you can shut me up now since 
somewhere in there I think I presented a good argument for being gay 
besides the fact that I can't stop thinking about how I want you to 
touch me, like all over touch and I am definitely stopping now." 
She took a big breath and blew it out.

I leaned really close to her and rested my forehead against hers and 
said with all the sincerity I felt, "I love you Willow ..., ahh and 
I don't know your last name, oh my god. I feel like such an idiot."

She smiled at me and said, "Let me introduce myself, Hi, I'm Willow 
Rosenberg".

I smiled back and said, "Pleased to meet you Willow, I'm Buffy 
Summers."

Then I thought back to one of my old list items. "Rosenberg," I say 
slowly, "Willow, are you Jewish by chance?"

"Uh, yes. " She replied warily.

I broke out my biggest smile and said, "Besides making me the 
happiest girl alive, you have the opportunity to fulfill one of my 
childhood wishes. I've always wanted to attend a seder."

"Really?" Then she gets the biggest smile on her face and 
says, "That would be so great. I can hardly wait to share that with 
you, and it's just a few weeks away." She responded with such joy in 
her voice and then she rewarded me with that patented melt into a 
puddle of Jell-O smile of hers and I had only one thing left to say,

I felt totally inspired and compelled by whatever powers that cause 
people in love to be total mushy idiots as I opened my mouth.

"I Buffy Summers, take you Willow Rosenberg as my soul mate, to 
love, cherish protect and honor all the days of my life."

Apparently it was contagious as Willow spoke.

"I Willow Rosenberg, take you Buffy Summers as my soul mate, to 
love, cherish, protect and honor all the days of my live." She 
responded as tears began to pour from her eyes. Seeing her like 
this I pulled her into my arms and nuzzling her neck, breathed in 
her scent, losing myself in her essence.

We held on to each other like that, sitting on the bed completely 
lost in the moment until,

"Buffy!" I heard my mom call from downstairs.

We quickly pulled apart and I grabbed a tissue and handed it to 
Willow. "Be right down" I yelled back to my mom.

"Come on, time to meet the parent." I grinned wickedly at her.

"Oh no, are we going to tell her, uh you know about us, us as in you 
and me?" She sputtered out.

"Lets just leave it at you're my new friend who is so kindly helping 
me catch up on classes, just say Hi Mrs. Summers and follow my lead, 
OK?" I tell her.

"OK, follow your lead, don't babble, stay cool. I can do this." She 
says determinedly.

"I have faith in you Willow. Just relax, I'm here for you always." I 
assure her.

I lead her down stairs and find mom in the kitchen pulling stuff out 
for dinner.

"Hi mom," I say as we enter the kitchen. As I see my mom's eyes 
focus on me and then Willow, I follow up with,

"Mom, this is Willow. She's the smartest person in school and for 
some strange reason took pity on me and is helping me get caught up 
with classes."

My mom smiled brightly at Willow, saying "Hello Willow, thank you 
for looking after Buffy. I hope you can keep her out of trouble." 
She smirks and winks at the both of us.

Willow gasps momentarily, then catches the smile and the wink and 
relaxes responding with a "Nice to meet you Mrs. Summers."

"Buffy, I'm heating up meat loaf, mashed potatoes and green beans 
for dinner. Would you like to join us Willow?". Joyce asked.

I looked at Willow and mouthed "Yes".

Willow looked at my mom and said "I'd love to Mrs. Summers, thank 
you very much."

Mom had prepared everything yesterday so she just needed to reheat 
the food.
Willow and I set the table and helped mom put out the food. We sat 
down and filled our plates and started eating. I kept glancing over 
at Willow, just enjoying watching her. I totally forgot how 
observant my mom could be, and I wasn't doing a very good job hiding 
my interest in Willow.

"So Willow," my mom starts out, "will you be able to introduce Buffy 
to any nice boys."

I had a mouth full of mashed potatoes and fortunately Willow was 
between bites cause those potatoes came shooting out of my mouth 
like they were shot out of a cannon.

"Huhhhh", Willow looked up like a deer caught in the oncoming 
headlights of a Mack truck.

"Thought so, " my mom said smugly, looking first at Willow and then 
at me. "Buffy Ann Summers, I may have been distracted the last 
couple of years but I know you and I remember our talk when you were 
six. I'm sorry that we never had the follow up discussion, 
especially now that you are a young woman and its pretty obvious 
that your original belief is in fact true. I think we should 
include Willow in this talk, or am I reading you two wrong Buffy?" 

As I'm trying to clean up the mess I just made, I'm carefully 
listening to mom and as she finishes talking, I look at Willow, gulp 
and say,

"Willow, she knows I'm gay. She just wants to make sure we don't 
get hurt. It's OK to talk with her, but if you're uncomfortable 
with it, maybe we can put it off for a day or two." I say to Willow 
and she's nodding back aggressively.

"Yes, please, uhhh in a day or two or more even would be better." 
She says desperately.

I look at mom and implore her "Mom, you took us by surprise, Willow 
needs a little time to process things and then we can have a talk. 
I promise we'll be careful. OK mom?"

"I did spring that on you." She agreed. " Willow?" She said getting 
Willow's attention and once she had it she proceeded, "don't be 
frightened Willow, I'm not going to get mad at you or hurt you in 
anyway, besides, if you haven't figured out by now you soon will 
that Buffy won't let anyone harm you." She smiled affectionately at 
me and I glowed with pride back at her.

"But people can be very cruel without physically attacking you." She 
continued. "I just want to have a practical discussion with the two 
of you on how you can best have a relationship without drawing 
unwanted attention from those who would want to hurt you because 
they think you're different. So try not to put this off too long, I 
just want to help you both. OK Willow?" She asked with concern for 
what she thought was a teenage infatuation. I was thinking that we 
would let mom believe that for now and let her come to the real 
answer in time, as mom already proved, she's pretty observant when 
she wants to be.

"OK, and thank you Mrs. Summers. I just want to think about it first 
a little bit so I don't feel so unprepared." Willow explained in 
this little girl voice that just broke my heart. It apparently got 
my mom also because she got up and went around to Willow and placed 
a gentle hand on her shoulder and said, 

"Please don't be afraid Willow, I know if Buffy cares for you then 
you are very special. I have learned over the years that Buffy is 
very good at finding truly good people. Please believe me when I 
tell you that I would no more do anything to hurt you than I would 
to Buffy."

Willow looked up at my mother and for reasons I was not yet aware 
of, tears began streaming down her cheeks and my mom just put her 
arms around Willow and pulled her into a comforting hug and Willow 
clutched her desperately, just letting her fears wash away with her 
tears as mom just kept repeating "It will be all right, everything 
will be all right." Willow stopped crying and with a last sniffle 
pulled back from mom and Willow gave mom one of those smiles. Mom's 
face lit up like times square and gave Willow her warmest mother 
smile.

I need to ask Willow what's going on I think to myself, her reaction 
to my mom is a bit extreme.

"Thanks Mrs. Summers. Can we talk tomorrow? Buffy and I are going 
to do homework after school together."

"Whenever you say Willow." Mom lets her know that there is no 
pressure.

I go up to mom and give her a hug and say "You're the best, mom"

"Just don't keep any more important secrets from me, OK Buffy?, it 
kinda hurts when you don't trust me." She lets me know.

Her words rock me but I do a good job of hiding it and Willow is 
still dealing with the other issue so hadn't really registered the 
significance of my mother's words.

"Willow and I have a little studying to complete and then she was 
going to show me the place where everyone hangs out and listens to 
some of the local groups. Then I was going to walk her home." I 
explain and then wait for her answer.

"That's fine Buffy, just be home by ten thirty, it is a school 
night." She responds with the gentle authority of a caring parent.

"Sure mom, no problem. Come on Will, lets finish up so we can get 
going. I think we're both due for some fresh air, don't you think?" 
I smirk at her.

"Sounds good Buff." She winks back at me.

As we start up the stairs towards my room, I can feel mom's eyes on 
our retreating backs and say a silent thank you for having a mother 
who cares and doesn't freak easily. I always suspected that 
wouldn't be the case if we hadn't learned to confide in each other 
so long ago. I was also grateful for letting me out of clean up 
detail. That was a nice bonus, but one I would have gladly forgone 
rather than go through that kind of shock again.

Once in my room, we both knew what to do since Willow had just read 
Merricks letter. Merrick had said that my soul mate would have 
great mystical power and would enable me to focus on demon 
presence's like no other slayer before. He then detailed the 
procedure we were about to follow. 

"We can do this on the floor over there." I pointed. As Willow sat 
down crossed legged, I went back to my chest and retrieved the 
yellow and violet crystal Merrick had left me.

I then sat on the floor facing Willow, also crossing my legs. I 
held out the crystal in front of me, grasping its base with the 
fingertips of my right hand. Willow reached out with her right hand 
and matched my contact to the crystal. We then reached out our left 
hands, passing them under the crystal and our right hands, and 
clasped each other at the wrist. We were able to feel each others 
pulse through the palm of our hands. I looked at Willow and saw her 
eyes locked with mine in growing anticipation.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah," She smiled. "I'm the readiest."

As we kept our gazes locked, we both commenced a deep, cadenced 
breathing. Once our breathing was fully synched, we could feel the 
gentle pulsing of power flowing up our arms. At this point we 
turned our focus to the crystal and felt ourselves drawn into its 
now swirling landscape. I was focusing on my slayer demon sensing 
ability and gradually felt Willow join me. We worked together to 
still the swirling power and concentrated together on extending 
ourselves outward. The sensory circle grew more rapidly until we 
could sense an area approximately a mile in diameter. The sun had 
already set, so I wasn't too surprised to discover that tingling 
sensation I get when vamps are present. I was trying to focus on 
identifying the location of the demon sources when I thought <I need 
to somehow overlay the signals onto our sense of the landscape>.

Then I heard in my head <relax, and let yourself see the landscape. 
Then pull the feeling of the demon sources onto it.> I knew it was 
Willow thinking because it felt like her. Her thoughts were 
comfortable, safe and felt like a Willow hug. This was an 
unexpected surprise. <OK, send me a little extra energy so I can 
focus in the landscape.> I quickly felt a warm energizing flow and 
was soon able to bring the area into sharper focus. Let me explain 
for a moment, we are not seeing this with our eyes, it was more like 
visualizing a 3-dimensional area in your mind. But rather than 
imagining it, we had opened a door to the metaphysical plane which 
allowed the physical presence of the outside to be felt or seen 
within our minds just as if we were looking at it with our eyes.

As the sense of the area became clear I took a moment to let Willow 
know my appreciation. <Wow, you are a real natural at this. We make 
a great team.> I could almost feel her blush and felt a wave of 
pride from her.

<No big deal, I'm just helping to make it a little easier for you.>

<none of that, I chided gently, I could not do this alone. We are 
equal and complimentary partners. OK?> 

<OK> she thought back, <now lets locate the bad guys.> I could 
almost feel the pride my words had just given her. 'Note to self, 
keep building Will's severely trounced ego.'

It only took a couple more minutes to fully place the demon signals 
on our mental map of the surrounding area. Two of them were moving 
across the north west area towards the older downtown area. But one 
was approaching our location. Right for us so to speak.

Willow then said <the two up there appear to be going towards the 
Bronze, this other one looks like its coming here.>

Then the one approaching my house stopped, placing it across the 
street and a few houses down. It wasn't a typical demon though, 
there was something else with it. This new perspective had so 
greatly enhanced my previous senses, that where previously all I 
felt was a general awareness of something evil being in the area, 
now I could actually discern the individuality of the presence's.

<Does it look like there are two creatures there, Willow?> 

<Sort of,> she replied, < but I think its more like a demon and 
something else sharing the same body> 

<Could it be a possession?> I asked. 

<Maybe, but I think we should treat it very carefully for now> she 
said with extreme care and caution ringing the thought.

We explored the area for a few more minutes, getting more 
comfortable with holding the landscape in place and simultaneously 
sensing the demon presence's. 

<Ready to see if we can take this on the road?> I asked her.

<Yea, I think we're ready.> she responded confidentially.

We slowly pulled our gaze from the crystal and at the same time kept 
our minds focused on the image of the virtual landscape around us. 
We had a few minutes of disorientation as our vision and mental 
image fought for supremacy. But we were told to expect that and so 
took our time and using the energy flow between us, brought the two 
views into compatible coexistence.

We could now see everything with our eyes just like normal, but 
still had access to this virtual world in our heads. <Cool> I 
thought to myself.

"Yea, it is. Though I'm thinking more WOW myself." Willow spoke 
out loud.

"You heard me think cool?" I asked her surprised.

She smiled at me with an impish quality. <Of course silly, if we're 
able to maintain the landscape, there's no reason we can't maintain 
the total mind talk thing. I guess its telepathy, thought I doubt 
we could do it with anyone else though it would be really useful if 
we could read minds, like the minds of those council guys.> she cut 
herself off before she went into a total mind dump.

"WOW" I responded. Then I softened my gaze and put my entire heart 
into my thoughts <I love you so much>.

<I love you too> she thought as she blushed again. 

I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. As the energy 
flowed between us this time, it had a richer quality. It was 
stronger, and contained our emotions and our sensory feelings which 
we were able to guide and share. This enabled us to build off of 
each others excitement. That melting M&M thing that Willow had 
described was quickly happening to both of us and embarrassing 
dampness was quickly ensuing. 

<Oh, we have to pick this up later> I thought pulling back with the 
utmost reluctance.

"Definitely later", Willow responded with this incredibly sexy and 
throaty voice.

She then gave me her million watt smile. I think she knew what it 
did to me and took great pleasure in rewarding me with them. As for 
me, I just melted into my goofy grin until she said,
"Better get going if were going to complete this trial run and get 
you home by 10:30. I can't believe you're mom gave you a 10:30 
curfew." She said in awe.

"Yea, pretty sucky, huh." I responded quietly.

"Maybe, " she told me, "but at least you've got someone who cares 
enough about where you are to give you a curfew." She said in that 
small voice of hers.

I then realized that Willow had not called home to let her mom know 
where she was. Hadn't asked permission to have dinner with someone 
she had only met. And nothing about when she would be home, or even 
if she would be home.

"Willow, what's with your parents?" I asked with concern.

"They're not really parents, they gave birth to me, house me and 
provide food and clothing for me, clothing which happens to be 
twenty years out of date, otherwise, they just ignore me. If I was 
kidnapped, they probably wouldn't even notice I was gone until the 
police showed up with my dead body." She responded sadly.

Her reaction to earlier to my mom was now making more sense. I 
began to suspect that she had just become overwhelmed with the 
concept of a caring parent.

"I'm sorry, Willow. I can't believe that anyone would neglect you. 
But if it helps, you can probably count on my mom coming down on you 
once she finds out how unsupervised you are." I said with a smirk.

"You think?" Willow responded hopefully.

"Yea, maybe she'll ground us in my bedroom together for a whole 
week". I said mischievously.

"Oh wow," Willow started to breath quickly, her cheeks turn a bright 
red. "Time for fresh air. Yes, must have air, cool air, cool down 
the heat, did it get really, really hot in here?"

"Yea, time to go. As for hot Will, you're the hottest thing around" 
I said huskily. I could almost see steam rising off her bright red 
cheeks. Oh yea, boosting Will's ego was definitely a good thing.