Re: [FIC: To Thine Own Self Be True 5/?]

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Greetings,
Again, not bad, but at the same time 'Lots Better' could work.(Though this
could be said for nearly everything ever written by anybody so don't take it
too personaly.)

Two things jumped out.

1. Talking heads. That means you're not labling 'who's saying what to who'
enough.

2. Stage direction. More details on how the characters are saying things, how
they're moveing when they're talking, how they look. Facial expressions, body
language etc. Remember half of what makes Willow so much fun is how she LOOKS
and MOVES when she says what she says. 

My personal favorite Willow moment is the line 'Occasionally I am callous and
strange'. The line itself is fun, but HOW she said. The desperatly trying to
be superior look she had and how it was failing miserably, and she KNEW it was
failing miserbably but she kept on doing it.

THAT'S characterization. Now just what, but how, who, where, and why.
Though the story will take care of 'Why' by itself some of the time.
But How it is said, Where is is said, that's MEATY fanfiction.

Course, opinions being what they are you could probably trade everything I
have to say in for a coffee at Starbucks and be a hell of a lot better off.

I remain, as always,
Mad-Hamlet


There is only one thing that can damn me.
That can send me down in a swirling maelstrom of fire and pain.
And it is not the word of Man.
And it is not the lessons and rules of the Church, hypocrites every one.
And it is not the words of God, nor the judgements of Angels.
And it not a fair tribunal of my 'peers' that can find me guilty of crimes
immortal.
No. 
I can only be accused, judged and damned by my own Soul.
And I would never be so betrayed.

Mad-Hamlet