Repost: On Occasions 10.01-Heart

["mad-hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>" <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Look alive, pals and gals! Here's the first part of Chapter ten of 
the On Occasion series. I'm handling this part, Mad Hamlet's doing 
part two, and Shyfox gets part three. Fasten your seatbelts, this is 
gonna be one wild ride.

Disclaimers; 
Everybody sing along now! Joss owns them. He makes them sing, 
dance, run through hoops, and have sex with people who are not good 
for them. No money is being made here, just the poetic justice that 
comes with knowing that I will never let an unrepentant killer have 
his way with Buffy (excuse me, this soapbox is giving my feet 
splinters)!

Pairing; Uh, we've been going with Buffy/Willow for the first nine 
chapters, why stop a good thing now?

Rating; NC-17, but this one has a little more plot.

Disclaimers; Dopplegangland

Feedback; Oh puh-leeze! JDMeans@xxxxxxx

Archives; If you've got On Occasion already, go for it.

Summary;
Buffy reflects on the night when she finally realized what Willow 
means to her.



On Occasion;
In the Heart
By The Triumvirate




"I was alone, I took a ride,
I didn't know what I would find there-
Another road and maybe I
Could see another kind of life there-

Ooh, and I suddenly see you,
Ooh, did I tell you I need you
Every single day of my life?

Got to get you into my life!"
-John Lennon and Paul McCartney
"Got To Get You Into My Life"


"I'm sorry to be taking up your time, Buffy, Willow," Shelly, our 
Resident Advisor drones on. "The campus has had some problems with, 
shall we say, overnight guests."

"Oh my," I gasp for effect, as Willow briefly chuckles. "You think 
I'm doing something here?" Actually, we were doing something here, 
sister. But we don't have to tell you that, do we?

"Not necessarily, this inspection is just a formality," Shelly 
quips. "I'm not here to play morals monitor, but we do need to have 
consideration for the other residents. If you are, uh, entertaining 
gentleman callers in your dorm, I must ask you to cease."

"Ah," I turn to look at Willow, who sits on her bed, her face an 
artist's study of innocence. We had very little warning about the 
dorm inspection, just barely enough time to hide Willow's 'toy' 
collection, button our jeans and separate the twin beds that we had 
moved together. I didn't even get a chance to see Willow naked.  
Hmph! "Will, you haven't been bringing your boyfriends up here while 
I was visiting Mom, were you?"

"Me?" she shrugs her shoulders. "What boyfriends? I'm too busy 
pursuing my diploma to consider having a boyfriend."

"We're not accusing anyone," Shelly says blankly, as she sticks her 
head in Willow's closet and sniffs. "We've just had reports of 
strange men hanging around the dorm. As I said, it's not a matter of 
morality, it's a matter of security. There have been incidents in 
the past of women being attacked by strange men near the dorms, and 
some of those attacks were traced to men who were invited into the 
dorms by their girlfriends."

"Ah," I nod, understandingly. I know more about these attacks than 
the campus does, way too much more. And Willow and I have enough 
sense not to invite a strange man, especially one we would have 
to 'invite' inside.  

"Well," Willow asserts calmly, "you don't have to worry about that 
with us. We don't bring guys up here at night." She gives me a 
brief wink when she thinks the RA isn't looking at us. Oh yeah, 
truer words were never spoken.

"Well," Shelly nods at us, "I'm satisfied that you're not doing 
anything against the rules here. I'll leave the two of you alone." 

"See ya around, Shelly," Willow waves at her.

Before she leaves, Shelly turns her head and adds, "Oh, you can put 
your beds together now." I see Willow's jaw drop almost to the 
floor, kinda like in those freaky cartoons where the wolf sees a 
ravishing redhead on the stage and goes completely nuts. Shelly 
gives us a crooked smile. "Hey, it's not like you're keeping it a 
secret. Just keep the volume down, 'kay? Take care, lovebirds." She 
chuckles softly as she leaves.

Willow and I just look at each other for about five seconds, before 
we start laughing. We wind up in each others arms, a frequent 
occurrence for the two of us, and simply enjoy the closeness we share 
for a short while. I reluctantly pry myself out of her arms, rushing 
to my bed. Without either of us speaking, Willow picks up my 
meaning, and scampers to the side of her bed. "One, two, three," I 
announce as we push the beds together.

"Okay, Willow," I ask her. "Now that that's over, what do you wanna 
do?"

"Well," she suggests, "since we had to rearrange the beds rather 
quickly there, there may be some problems with stress, especially 
with your thrashing about. We should test the bed to make sure it 
works."

"Oh?" I ask, pretending not to know what she had in mind.  
Considering that we were in the middle of our regular 'Friday night 
thing' before Shelly sprung her inspection on us, I'm still feeling a 
little randy. And judging from the gleam in Willow's eyes so's she.  
She's giving me he famous 'Come hither' look. Don't worry, babe, I 
have every intention of being hither. "What did you have in mind, 
bed-testing wise?"

"Oh, I dunno," she answers sweetly. "Something likeâ?¦" She flashes 
me a wicked smile as she casually peels out of her tee-shirt. I 
stand there, enjoying the sight, expecting to see her in a white lace 
bra.

She isn't wearing a white lace bra.

Or a white cotton bra.

Or any bra.

"You came prepared, didn't you, Wills?" I chuckle as a radiant, half-
naked wiccan bridges the distance between her and me, pressing her 
body up against mine. She starts tugging at the bottom of my shirt, 
lifting upward.

"You," she commands. "Naked. Now."

"Hey, just a sec," I reluctantly pry myself from her grasp, her hands 
lovingly following my body as I head for the door. Somehow the 
prospect of a total stranger walking in on us right now just doesn't 
have that much appeal at the moment. Especially after Shelly's 
little surprise inspection. I close the door, make sure it's locked, 
and then turn toward Willow.

I almost don't have time to brace myself before I'm suddenly attacked 
by a warm, clinging body. Her arms wrap around my neck, her lips 
insistently seek out mine, her tongue explores my mouth. I have to 
literally twist my head around to free my mouth long enough to 
talk; "Uh, Willow, bed, testing, remember?"

She cranes her head around, reclaiming my mouth with soft, pliant 
kisses. Without speaking, she backs away from me, making me follow 
her to maintain the delicious lip-to-lip contact. "Arms up," she 
whispers between kisses, and I comply. She pulls my tank-top off 
slowly, and I feel the drag of cotton against my nipples, stimulating 
them further. Yeah, no bra. I came prepared too.

She directs me to the bed, turning us around so that my back is 
toward the bed. She then pushes me slightly, just enough to make me 
lose my footing, landing hard on the bed. Before I can catch my 
breath, one-hundred-and-five pounds of sexy redhead land on top of 
me, kissing and sucking at my bare skin. "Hey, wait up, lover," I 
wink at her. "We're still overdressed." Willow gives me that wicked 
grin of hers, and soon we're in a heated competition to see who can 
tear off the other's jeans and panties first. I don't know who won.  
No, I do know. We both did. Now, the main event starts. Live from 
the campus of U. C. Sunnydale, it's the Buffy and Willow Show, the 
unedited version, with full orchestration, not for ages 18 and 
under. In fact, not for anyone other than Buffy and Willow. It's 
always a private performance.

This is what I was meant to do, this is the woman who I'm meant to 
spend the rest of my life with. Oh God or Goddess, there is not a 
night when, feeling her weight next to mine, feeling her arms around 
me, I don't pray that I'll remain strong enough to protect her, to 
hold her, to love her. Her body on mine, her lips on my mouth, my 
hands all over her body, oh yeah. It's not just the sex, it's the 
connection, the tenderness, the intimacy. More than I ever felt 
with Angel, with anyone before! This is love.

And the sex is pretty awesome too!

I start with Willow's breasts, making tiny indentations with my 
teeth. When she pretends to complain, I answer, "If you call them 
nipples, then I should be able to nip them." I start lapping around 
her aureoles with my tongue, savoring their taste and textures.  
Willow, on the other hand, takes a more direct approach, inserting 
her fingers in my well-lubricated vagina, stroking my clitoris in 
practiced circles. She starts slowly at first, then builds up the 
tempo, using my moans and cries as her guide. Suddenly Willow backs 
off, removing her hand, taking her boob out of my mouth. Hey, who 
said you could do that? Put that hand back now, Will---OH!  

She suddenly pushes me onto my back and starts to feast. Her mouth 
is clamped down on my nipple, and I feel her tongue and teeth working 
at it, at meâ?¦ooohhh, YES! Right there!  

Now she's squirming against my body, lower, ever lowerâ?¦her tongue 
brushing the lower edge of my breast, my ribs, my bellybuttonâ?¦she 
puffs air into it, knowing that it tickles. She lifts her eyes, 
giving me the look of a precocious child, wondering how much she can 
get away with, but intent on being naughty.  

"You want me, don't you?" she asks me, her eyes glazed over with lust.

"Yes, oh yessssssss," I hiss through clenched teeth. I gaze at her, 
amazed that how this sweet, innocent Jewish girl could transform into 
a sexual dynamo.

"Well," she coos as her eyes lock on my vagina, now soaked with my 
arousal. "Is that all for me?"

"Yes-oh, yeah!" I'm pretty much reduced to single syllables at this 
point, only the most base of thoughts running through my head at this 
point. Fire bad, tree pretty, Willow make Buffy orgasm.

"Well then," she flashes her elfin grin up to me, then lowered her 
head down. "In that case, I'd better claim it." Before I can even 
gasp, she dives down, affixing her lips to my groin, her tongue 
lapping me like a cat at a bowl of cream. After all the times we've 
made love, she's become an expert in my body, knowing where to apply 
her tongue and fingers, which areas on my body are most sensitive.  
Her tongue homes in on the tip of my clitoral hood, slowly licking a 
straight line down the nether lips. Oh yeah! Right--- right there, 
oh God! I'm grabbing at the mattress with my hands to keep my body 
from thrashing, every nerve from the waist down singing within me. I 
feel her mouth on me, her tongue in me, her teeth nipping at me-then 
I don't feel her.

"Willow," I complain, "where'd you go?"

"Right here," she answers, as she crawls around on all fours, 
climbing on my body as she maneuvers herself, so that she is on top 
of me and her head is pointed toward my feet. "Open wide." I open 
my eyes, in time to see her groin lowering itself onto me. I just 
have enough time to breathe in before my tongue is touching her 
pussy. I grab her thighs with my hands and scarf her down like she's 
ice cream. I can't get enough of her. Sweet, salty, with a flavor 
that's uniquely Willow. I feel her body on top of mine with my 
hands, reading the way she bucks and writhes as I work her center 
with my tongue.  

As I'm eating her out, she's returning the favor, lapping and 
prodding my deepest folds with her tongue and teeth, even burrowing 
inside me with her nose at one point. I'm gonna have to remember 
that one. When she senses that I'm on the edge, she levels off, 
drawing out my shudders, prolonging my arousal. As much as I want to 
feel that final explosive orgasm that I know Willow will deliver, I 
want the experience to last as long as we can hold out. I hold back, 
until I hear Willow groan in protest, then I dive back into her. We 
make a circuit together, our passion feeding each other, spurring us 
on to greater levels of ecstasy. "Buffy!" she moans into me, "I 
can't..ungh!..can't hold out any longer!"

"L--let go, baby," I answer, feeling my climax building within 
me. "I'm right with you!" We're no longer slow with our attacks on 
each other. We lick, stroke and nip each other with a passion.  
Three long licks from Willow's tongue are all it takes to send me 
crashing over the edge, but I still manage to clamp down on her 
vagina, sucking the hard nubbin of her clitoris until I feel her 
spasming against me in her own orgasm. As my climax winds down, she 
manages to take a few more licks at me, stretching out my final 
shudders into smaller orgasms.

I don't know where she picked that move up, but I gotta try it on her 
next time.

Willow slowly rolls off of me, but still manages to snuggle next to 
my leg as she lies on the bed. "Oh my," Willow smiles wickedly as I 
look at her sated body. I can never get enough of looking at her, 
and seeing her after she reaches orgasm is especially satisfying.  
Not just because she just looks too cute for words, but the knowledge 
that I'm the one responsible for her current condition. "I think I 
broke her."

"I'll recover," I answer. "Don't worry about that. Slayer strength 
and all that."

"I know," she grins knowingly. She's not the cat who swallowed the 
canary, she just ate an entire aviary. "You'd better recover, that 
was just the first inning."

I smile lustily, lifting my body so I can see her face 
better. "Going for an all-nighter, Wicca-girl? I can keep up with 
if you can." She raises to a sitting position so we can now hug and 
kiss each other. Our faces press against each other, and I taste 
both her arousal and my own. As soon as I get my second wind I'm 
going back for seconds. And thirds.

"You amaze me, Willow," I whisper into her mouth. "You always know 
how to play me."

"That's me, Buffy," she grins, "old Reliable. Just a geyser of 
sexual lust that goes off at regular intervals, as long as we're 
alone together."

She meant that as a joke, but somehow I find myself getting a lump in 
my throat at the words. She senses my sudden mood and her face 
suddenly loses that wicked grin. "Buffy? Did I say something wrong?"

"What?" I shake my head, clearing away the cobwebs of a bittersweet 
moment. "Uh, no. Just remembering something, remembering the last 
time someone said something like that."

She pauses for a second, then her lips purse in a 
thoughtful 'O'. "Yeah," she nods. "That day."

"That day." That's all I say. That's all I need to say, as she and 
I tighten our embrace, not so much from mutual lust, although that 
will return later, but for mutual comfort.  

As I hold onto the love of my life, feeling her breath on my ear, I 
go back in my mind, and remember 'that day'.

The absolute worst day of my life. And in a strange way, one of the 
bestâ?¦

======== 

I saw her in the courtyard at Sunnydale High. The first thing I 
noticed was her posture. She seemed depressed about something. So I 
decided to do something about that. This is Willow we're talking 
about, here. Best friend, lover, girlfriend, whatever else you want 
to call her. If she's in pain, so am I.

As Xander and I came near her, I saw her about to peel a banana, as 
she said, "I'm eating this now. It's not lunch-time, I don't even 
care."

"Hey," I greeted her, keeping my voice light. Hopefully she'd cheer 
up at the sight of me.

"Willow," Xander asked, "did you remember to tape Biography last 
Friday?" She absently muttered an "Uh-huh."

"See, I told you," I beamed proudly at my girl. "Old Reliable."

That was my first mistake. "Oh, thanks," she answered sourly. Okay, 
something war wrong with her, and I didn't know what. "'Old 
Reliable'? Yeah, great. There's a sexy nickname."

"Well, I-I didn't mean it as..." I felt like I was in quicksand, 
struggling to get back to my original footing with Willow. Something 
was setting her off, and I didn't want to make her madder, especially 
at me.

"No, it's fine," she murmured sullenly, "I'm 'Old Reliable'."

Leave it to Xander to make it worse; "She just means, you know, the 
geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular 
intervals." Oh yeah, that made sense!

"That's Old Faithful." Willow wasn't buying it.

"Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot..."

"That's Old Yeller."

This was getting bad. I finally had to intervene, or Willow would 
stop speaking to me altogether. "Xander, I beg you not to help me." 
I turned to the woman I love, seeing her disturbed features. I tried 
to comfort her, but I didn't know what to say. "Will, I-I didn't 
mean it as a bad thing. I-I think it's good to be reliable." As I 
said the words, I knew they were the wrong ones.

She stood up and glared at us, getting more annoyed by the 
second. "Well, maybe I don't wanna be reliable all the time. Maybe 
I'm not just some doormat person. Homework Gal."

"I'm thinking nerve strike," diagnosed Dr. Harris. I desperately 
wanted him to shut up.

Willow huffed at him and started to leave, but then she thought of 
something else that she wanted to say. "Maybe I'll change my look! Or 
cut class. You don't know." She held up the banana that she'd been 
struggling with, pointing it at me like a lethal weapon. "And I'm 
eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" 

She walked off in huge strides, and I tried to follow her. "Will, 
wait. I'm really sorry..."

"Buff," she said gently, but with just a hint of sarcasm, "I'm 
storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me." She 
turned around and charged away from me.  

As she left, I just stood there, wondering what had happened to her, 
who stuck that hornet up her behind. It wasn't until after the fact 
that I found out the truth, that Mr. Snyder had corralled her into 
tutoring someone on the football team, I think his name was Percy, 
who translated 'tutoring' into 'doing his homework for him'. I 
wanted to stake them when I found that out. Both the jock and Snyder.

Bottom line; my love was hurting. Which, according to the Book of 
Love, chapter six, verse twenty-three, meant that I was hurting as 
well.  

She needed to be alone. I got that, I feel that way sometimes 
myself. Alone can be theraputic, as long as it's not overdone. I'd 
see her later that day, probably at the Bronze after school or on 
patrol, we'd hash it out, we'd laugh, we'd cry, we'd kiss, and in all 
likelihood we'd end up looking for a nice private place where we 
could get naked and sweaty.  

Part of me hoped that she didn't eat that banana, or that she had 
another one with her. I started thinking of some interesting uses 
for a banana, none of which had to do with insuring we got our 
recommended amount of potassium.  

Jeez, Buffy, nymphomaniac much?

Around Willow, oh yeah!

I left for my next class with that familiar tingle between my legs, 
anticipating seeing Willow at night. Once she simmered down and I 
found out what was wrong with her, everything would be all right.

At least I thought she'd be all right.

======== 

That night, I made a quick patrol before converging on the Bronze. I 
was hoping to see Willow there, and maybe talk to her about her 
unhappiness. I had prepared and rehearsed what I wanted to say to 
her, knowing that I'd probably forget the script and end up adlibbing 
something. I wanted to tell her that I didn't think of her as being 
predictable, that I had no intention of taking her for granted. That 
she didn't have to let douche bags like Snyder and Percy walk all 
over her. And of course, that I was hopelessly in love with her.

Yeah, that sounded good. It would have made a great speech.

Too bad I never got the chance to use it.

When I got to the Bronze, the first thing that caught my attention 
was a ruckus at the pool table. My first thought was that a vamp had 
gotten inside and was doing the usual mayhem and terror thing with 
the Bronze regulars. Leave it to vamps to ruin a social life.  
Sorry, Will, but our lover's spat was gonna have to wait.

I ventured slowly toward the pool table, not wanting to alert any 
vamps to my presence, and also to scope out the scene. No immediate 
sign of vamps. Someone was saying something about a barroom brawl, 
but it was cleared up quickly when a scruffy looking guy knocked a 
jock away from a small red-haired girl.

Xander. Willow. Had to be.

I started to tense up when I saw Xander. It looked like he was being 
mauled by someone in a black leather bustier with red trim. Blood 
red. I could hear her moan, "You're alive." She almost sounded 
disappointed.

"You mentioned that before. Will," Xander quipped, "are you okay?"

"No!" the stranger wailed. "Everything's different."

Here's where I came in. "Oh. There you are." Okay, not the best 
intro, but direct and to the point.

Xander didn't even look away from me, as he greeted me; "Hey, Buff."

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your..." I started, when I took a 
look at her. The red hair I enjoyed running my hands through. The 
green eyes I loved to gaze into. The lips I ached to kiss 
constantly. The dominatrix garbâ?¦Okay that was new. "Holy GOD, 
you're Willow."

"You."

That's all she said to me. The one word, spoken without tone or 
inflection, but it was her eyes, boring into me with all the vitriol 
and anger I ever seen in Willow's eyes. Directed at me. What was 
wrong, Willow? How could I make it right?

I tried to keep things light. "You know what?" I went into Support-O-
Gal mode, "I, I like the look. It's, um... it's, it's extreme, but 
it, it, it looks good, you know, it's leather thing, and, uh..." I 
turned to Xander. "I said extreme already, right? Yeah, extreme, 
and very yummy."

Xander suddenly regarded me like I had suddenly sprouted 
antlers. "Yummy?"

"Uh, did I say yummy?" I stammered, trying to save face. "No, I 
meant nummy, you know, like in numb, I mean with that corset cutting 
off her circulation, she must be numb, right?"

"Right," Xander nodded and said nothing else about it. I suspected 
that Willow and I were about to be outed.

Willow stepped up to me. Her eyes were narrowed into dark, hateful 
slits. She gave me a stare that could freeze boiling water at ten 
paces.

But it's what she said that caused my heart to nearly falter. 

"I don't like you."

The one sentence I would never expect Willow, MY Willow to say. Oh 
my God! What happened? Why was my best friend, my lover, my 
everything, suddenly turning on me? I had to know. I had to make it 
right.

"Will, I'm sorry about today," I started. Feeble gambit, but I had 
to say something. "You know how my foot likes to live in my mouth.  
But you know... y-you really didn't have to prove anything."

She glared at me with eyes that contained nothing but contempt. I 
felt my life, my sanity, my reason for existence slowly slipping away 
from me.

"Leaving now," she said in a strangely sing-song voice as she turned 
away from us. Its tone, its sense of disconnection, it almost 
reminded me of Dru.

No, it couldn't beâ?¦

My Slayer sense started to kick in, but I ignored it. It couldn't 
be. No, dear merciful God in Heaven, no. Notâ?¦

"Will," Xander called after her, "gotta say, not lovin' the new you."

Willow just snarled at him, and disappeared into the crowd.

Willow, snarling? I grew more fearful of what had happened to her.  
I feared what I'd see, but I had to see it. I had to disprove what I 
feared. I had to go after her. "Will, wait..." I dove into the 
crowd, desperate to find her. I noticed a flash of red hair passing 
through the emergency exit. I made my way to the door, and rushed 
out of the Bronze.

I saw her at the alleyway, leaning against the wall. She regarded me 
with that cold stare. "Okay, Willow," I pleaded with her, praying 
that I was wrong about what had happened to her. "You're scaring me, 
y'know that? I mean, I know you were talking about changing your 
look and all, and, hey, this could work. Just give me time to get 
used to it, right?"  

Her eyes started to smolder as she gazed at me. "You like me, don't 
you?" she spoke calmly, with just a hint of a smile.

"You know I do, Will," I answered. "I love you."

She smiled more fully as she walked toward me, a sexy sway in her 
hips with each step. She stopped just two inches away from me, a 
wicked gleam in her eye. Normally I welcomed that wicked gleam, but 
tonight it chilled me. She leaned her body up to mine, rubbing 
against me, claiming my lips with her own.  

For a moment, I was lost, awash in my love for Willow, luxuriating in 
the feel of her hair on my fingers, her warm breath in my earâ?¦

But she wasn't breathing. And when I trailed my lips against her 
throat, I couldn't find a pulse.

I pushed her away from me, shouting, "DAMN YOU!" I grabbed her arm, 
wrestling the demon that had been my Willow.

She twisted around, pulling away from me and hissing, "Get off me!"  

That's when I saw it.

The face.

Her face.

Her sweet, lovely, Willow face.

But it wasn't her face, not Willow's face. It was a face I prayed 
that I would never see in my lifetime. It was the face of a vampire, 
who had once been Willow Rosenberg.

My Willowâ?¦

And now, Willow, my Willow, wasâ?¦

She wasâ?¦

She wasâ?¦

She fled into the shadows, and I didn't move to follow her.

Willow was goneâ?¦

======== 

I was vaguely aware of my surroundings. I felt hands guiding me out 
of the alley, out to the street, into a car, into the passenger's 
seat. I felt a sensation of movement as the car drove off. I heard 
a faint, distant voice, which I later identified as Xander's, tell me 
that we had to tell Giles.

The first thing I was fully aware of was my standing outside the 
library door, Xander at my side. I was waiting, praying to awaken 
from the most horrible nightmare I had ever known.  

But there would be no awakening.

There would be no last-minute rescue.

There would be no celebration after this victory.

Of that much I was certain, for one real reason.

Willow Rosenberg, the one true love of my life, was one of the enemy 
now.

I wasn't fast enough to save her. The bastards got her.

And even if we won this battle, there was no point in it anymore.

Willow was gone. And nothing would ever be right again.