Re: Re: Redhead or redhead or Red Head or....

["Strife Aileron" <stryker@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

No I do not agree that "having to resort to" writing redhead or slayer makes
for awkward writing.  It's only awkward when you don't know how to write.
Let's see...

Buffy ran her finger down the side of Willow's face.  The blonde heard a
soft gasp at the contact and it encouraged her to take the redhead into her
arms.  Buffy couldn't believe how soft her friend's lips were as she moaned.

There.  It's not awkward, or jarring.  It uses descriptive adjectives in the
place of a couple of names, which is a suggested writing practise (so said
my grade 10 English teacher several years ago).  The only thing to remember
is that when using a descriptive adjective in place of a name, you should
use the same one, over and over.

For example, if you use slayer in place of Buffy's name once, you must
continue to do so.  Or if you used redhead in place of Willow's name, you
must continue to do so.  The trick is that you must pick a descriptive
adjective that will work for your story, and stick with it.

~Strife Aileron
Teaching English 101

weryvcb sribbled;
Lol, you have a good point, it is hard. But I refuse to give up;
there has to be a better way. I mean, does it really sound better to
say "Buffy ran her finger down the side of Willow's face. Buffy
heard the hacker gasp..."? It's just so jarring. First of all, some
of those sentences could be combined so it would be more "Buffy ran
he finger down the side of Willow's face, hearing her gasp in her
arms. She couldn't believe how soft her lips were.." One could stick
to a certain point of view or do first person. Or maybe this is just
a personal annoyance. Do you agree that having to resort to redhead
or slayer makes for awkward writing?




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