Re: [Dark Alliance 4a maybe]

["mike" <wizathogwarts@xxxxxxxxx>]

--- In buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Mad Hamlet <Mad-
Hamlet@u...> wrote:
> Greetings,
>
> >>I've never written much Xander before and I'm not certain that 
the 
> way I've written him is believable.  So this is just a trial 
> depending on the FB I get.  If anyone does not find this 
> characterization believable I would love to hear from you.
>
> Before I get into this overly much let me be absolutlyt crystal 
clear about a
> number of things.
>
> 1. I like this story.

---------------------
Thank you, that means a lot to me.
---------------------

> 2. This is just my opinion which means it should have no more 
weight upon your
> mind then the memory of last weeks lunch on Wensday.

---------------------
Point taken but my previous statement still stands.
---------------------

> Is it believeable? 
>
> Yes. 
>
> Is it effortlessly believeable?
>
> No.

--------------------
That was my problem also.
--------------------

> But it is not just because of Xander it's the whole deal. I've 
been reading
> this very quietly for a while now and it's good. Good enough that 
I keep my
> eyes open for it but there is a trend forming that has had me 
muttering a bit.
> The overall gist of this tale is that Buffy is 'Better'. Better 
clear across
> the board, particularly in understanding who she is and what what 
she is and
> how it affects both the who and the what that make her Buffy. 
(That sentence
> actually makes sense if you read it slowly and out loud)
>
> And we've been told, via the story, in a reasonably well enough way
(Though I
> think it could have been fleshed out a LITTLE better) how this 
Buffy became
> 'better'. 
>
> That's all great.
>
> The snag is this 'better' affect seems to be not only affecting 
Buffy but
> Willow and Xander as well. I had a bit of trouble with Xander 
being that
> articulate during the dinner. His first efforts of apology were 
believealbe as
> he had rehersed them but the second took a bit of effort on my 
part. Joyce's
> careful intervention though did help it quite a bit; I think 
Xander's attempt
> at humor though might have been earlier and perhaps a little more 
prevelent.

-------------------------
How Xander handles the dinner scene is actually pivotal to the rest 
of the story.
Several things were going on in my mind while writing and when I 
completed the scene as posted I was concerned that instead of 
writing it the way Xander would handle things I wrote it the way I 
would have.
And when I finished, the rest of the story became murky and thus my 
quandry.
------------------------

> Willow's little speech really caught me off guard.
>
> I guess the logic behind your efforts might be 'Willow has found 
her true love
> and this lends her stability; she's no longer searching she 
has 'found
> herself'. Fine. 
>
> Trouble is that even people who are perfectly okay, and have been 
for a long
> time, then realise they're gay, then find their 'perfect partner' 
and are
> quite happy still have a habit of pinwheeling like crazy when the 
assults
> begin. Those attacks by people who are in it for the cruelty, the 
ignorance or
> the fun can be viscious enough to knock even a well rounded, solid 
person off
> their feet. Someone like Willow, even with Buffy beside her, would 
have real
> problems. 
>
> Then again, what the hell do I know? 

------------------------
What you know is a new and useful perspective as constructive 
criticism should be
------------------------

> My Xander attemps have always been a shade off from miserable 
failures.
> Oh, and one last note: Love the insturment analogy despite the 
whole
> Willow-snag. However I don't think 'blowing a trumpet' is the best
> instrument-sexual/orientation-innduendo for a heterosexual male. 
Might make
> Larry perk up and take notice though.

-------------------------
I actually gave the instrument choice a lot of thought.  I know 
males would not appreciate the analogy because men are more visual.  
But this was Willow's analogy.  Willow sees things in their more 
complex form and not the simple visual.  The trumpet is 
representative of man's emotional/sexual personality, not as a 
physical depiction of how sex is performed.

Based on your very helpful comments and other's posted I have 
rewritten the dinner scene and the rest of the story has become much 
clearer in my mind.
So, when I actually complete chapter 4 you can expect a different 
outcome.

Thank you very much
-mike



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                     'Choices'

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