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Title: For You, I Will Wait
Chapter: 1
Author: Desdemona / photographer
Spoilers: ermmm…third season after Doppelgangland
Email: ingin_tahu2001@xxxxxxxxx
Rating: This is PG…I think
Feedback: Yes, Please! This is my first Buffy’s story! I need your POV!!!
Archive: Please Ask.
Pairing: Buffy and
Disclaimer: I don't own them
Summary: Buffy had deep thoughts about
**********
It was already late at night when I started patrolling in the cemetery. It was a crazy night I guess. Seeing
The events that happened this night make me think deeply as I stake two newbie vampires rising from their graves quickly. I don’t know why, but seeing and thinking of
My feelings become more confused whenever I see
“Hey girl, alone? Wanna give me a snack?”
A male vampire interrupted my thoughts as he stands in front of me. ‘Geez, rude much?’ I look at his attire and it was obvious that he was a newbie, just raised from the grave. He gave me that sly smile, thinking I’m some frail girl walking in a cemetery. Riighhht!
“Yep, and you’re dust!”
I hear him growl at me as he tried to pounce on me. I moved to the side and he fell right to the ground. It was kind of funny to see newbie vampires sometimes. They can be really…a newbie. I see him getting up at the corner of my eye and before he could pounce or grab me, I took a stake from my pocket and stake him right to the heart and he instantly dusted in front of me. Then I continued patrolling again.
My mind kept on wandering back to
What about Angel? Am I still in love with him? Of course I am…then what is
Maybe I should just go to Willow’s house and check on her or something. That would be good, right? Then I would know exactly how I feel. Yeah, I’ll go and see her then, just as I finish my patrol and walk out of the cemetery to
**********************
As I reached the front of
“Buffy! Hey! What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”
I didn’t answer her immediately. Her soft voice sounded so concerned, thinking something bad has happened to me this night. Immediately I felt a huge guilt hitting me in my stomach, silently cursing myself for coming to her this late at night; when I could have just met her in school tomorrow morning. Her question felt like a gentle warmness flowing through me – making me feel that even though I’m the slayer, but I’m always cared and loved by her…even though as a best friend. I took my time to look at her carefully for the first time. Besides wearing very cute pajamas, she is beautiful. Sometimes I really wonder how she could still stick with me after all the danger we have been through together
. She’s so sweet and so innocent. So like her. I feel myself starting to melt slowly as I gaze into her eyes. Even though I don’t really know my feelings for her clearly, I do know that I kind of love her.
“Hi Willow. No, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to check on you, so no big baddy coming after you so far?”
She giggled when I asked that. I forced a small smile as my throat suddenly felt dried, just trying to lighten the stressful night we had earlier. It was just a joke actually but hey, it’s good to lighten up a little right? Yet at the same time, I began to feel the nervousness coming back to me as I felt my heart pounding loudly. I’m not sure if I’m controlled with my emotions enough as I look at her gently, if possible – slightly cheerful.
I see her giggle a bit more as she takes my hand to bring me inside her room from the chilly night. She then closes the French door and walks over to sit on her bed. I’m guessing I woke her up.
“Nope. I’m really okay. Well, apart of what happened earlier, I still get the chills and all but apart from that…I’m really, really okay.”
I’m relieved that
“I’m glad that you’re alright. I’m sorry for calling you Old Reliable. I don’t mean it in a bad way. I mean, I can always rely on you and…”
“Buffy, it’s okay, I understand really. It’s just that it was a bad day for me and all, my bad really.” She smiled at me gently and I became a feather carried on gentle currents of air.
I don’t know how she can affect me so much now…why didn’t I see that? What was I afraid of? Oh yeah, because we’re both straight as an arrow and I was with Angel…okay, I think that answers almost everything…I didn’t talk to her immediately though…because emotion pushed and pulled me until I nearly choked for lack of air. I threw my arms around her, pulling her tight to me, clutching desperately to make sure that she’s alive and breathing. I breathe slightly on her red hair, inhaling the strawberry shampoo scent into my lungs…somehow making the darkness in me…replaced by something more beautiful. I breathe again as I her heat infuses me with warmth bor
n of
kindness. And somehow, I wanted to express myself to her…of what I’m feeling now.
“
I could feel that she wanted to speak again but I pulled back from the hug and silence her with my finger softly on her lips. She was surprised but I wanted to let all my feelings out before I started going insane of something.
“Let me finish
“When I saw you as a vampire, I thought I lost you. Xander and I were really lost when we thought you had been turned. And after we told Giles and were sitting in the library, you came in…and I thought I was dreaming. But when I hugged you, I felt your pulse…”
Warm tears tickled my cheek. I could see the overwhelming emotion in her oh so intense green eyes. I really wanted her to know…even though I don’t know what would happen after she hears what I’m going to say to her. Gulping, I push myself to continue.
“When I felt your pulse, I was so happy and relieved. I really thought I lost you for good. It made me realize so many things
I immediately became quiet. I take a deep breath and look at her again. She’s staring at me, her brows arched with that adorable look she gets when she’s curious. Her lips are slightly parted, in anticipation. I tried to open my mouth and speak…but I was somehow dumbly mute all of a sudden.
“Buffy…what is it? You can tell me…Buffy?”
There was desperation in her voice yet a little hint of fear. My heart aches with regret, for putting her in such a difficult situation which she would find out from me really soon. My mind keeps telling me to not scare her any further and to back off right now. But which must I follow? My mind…or what’s in my heart?
I look at her and couldn’t help giving a small smile. My right hand leaves her hands and touches her left cheek softly. It was a bit damp because she had cried a little but overall, it’s amazingly soft. ‘Please forgive me after this
“I kind of…love you
Her hands clenched tightly in response. I don’t know if she’s going to hate me after this or what. Her eyes lose focus as I sense her contemplating her response.
“Why? Why…me?” Her barely audible words caress my hearing like a fading echo.
“Huh?” Crawls from my throat. Okay, I think I just become a dumb blonde suddenly.
She looks at me and releases my left hand. She gets off the bed and starts pacing her room like an impatient wolf.
“Why me, why now? When I have a boyfriend and you tell me this…this new information? How can you feel this way for me…?”
I immediately cut her off. I need to straighten some things out.
“
Realization struck me suddenly, knowing my words were slightly harsh. Sounding like a snake whose sinking its venom into its prey. It makes my words too demanding, making
“Why you? Because you’re closer to me than anyone beside my mother, but different. I knew I felt something for you since the day I met you…but I didn’t know what I was really feeling at the time. Then I met Angel and I was in love with him. Heck, maybe I still am but I’m not so sure anymore. Why now? Because I thought I lost you tonight and it really broke my heart and I felt…really lost. I’m telling you now because you have the right to know
“No. I don’t mean that.” I look up at her and she was surprisingly calm. She was standing near her computer desk and leaning on it slightly. I observe her body language slowly. She looks slightly shaken, yet trying her hardest to calm herself. Her beautiful fair face frowned a little, perhaps doing an inner-babble in her mind as her lips parted a bit with confusion. I didn’t exactly understand what she meant and tried to ask her, but as if she read my mind, she hurriedly answered me without any anger in her tone.
“I mean, how can you feel this way for me…when I’m nothing and you’re…something?”
‘Oh,’ I thought suddenly. ‘Okay, score two for the dumb blonde again.’ I got up slowly from the bed and went to her. I paused half way fearing that she would shy away from me…but she didn’t. Slowly, I closed the distance and took her hands in mine.
I find myself smiling at her, looking at her again. I start to feel the emotions in me, spreading quickly. My throat suddenly starts to choke up and her fair face starts to blur as new tears fill my eyes again. Emotions in me somehow make my words flows tearfully…but are meaningful at the same time. “You’re not a nobody. You’re something…like me. Okay, a different something than me because I’m the slayer and you’re more into witchcraft. Ugh! Okay, what I’m saying is that…I feel this way for you…because you’re a beautiful person, in and out. I love everything about you…you make me feel like I’m home, loved, everything. I love your babbling, your intelligence, everything about you. So you’re
something…you’re special…to me.”
There. I said it. Now I have to wait for her to speak. But she was keeping quiet, thinking deeply. I was grateful that she didn’t let go of my hands. I can see the tiredness on her face. But she still looked amazing beautiful to me…with her rich red hair, she was such an innocent beauty. I wait for her to speak but she remains silent and immobile.
Impatiently I blurt out, “Forgive me
She looks at me as the words die on my lips. My heart seems to stop for a few seconds as I wait for the yelling and such to start. But nothing came out of her, and her eyes seem to slowly search for a clue on my face. She looks at my face carefully and it feels as if her eyes are caressing my face softly. I wasn’t sure if she’s trying to see if I was making a big joke out of this or something else, so I look at her patiently allowing her to find what truth it holds on my face. Then she surprises me by leading me to her bed. I awkwardly sit down beside her, my hands tremble as I look at her.
“I think I understand how you feel Buffy…okay, not completely but enough to understand. I’m not mad at you…because I do feel something for you a bit.”
Her voice sounded calm yet still holds confusion. I see her shaking her head a few times when she still couldn’t come up with a conclusion. Her face holds a confused look as she tries to find a solution, and then her reaction suddenly changes into frustration, unable to find the right answer for now. But whenever she looks at me, she gives me this warm little smile, making my insides do little somersaults. But at the same, ‘Okay, didn’t expect that,’ flashes through my brain like the extra air that’s drying my eyeballs out.
“I was attracted to you from the day we became friends. I looked up to you because you’re so…wow what with the slayer strength and all. But then you were with Angel and I was so in love with Xander but he was too naïve to see that. Not that he’s bad or anything…just too naïve to see me as anything more than a friend. He likes looking at other girls than me. And then he was with Cordelia, who had really ‘tortured’ us for a long time. It was so hurtful to see that, but even so he’s still my best friend…”
Okay, babbling is coming out. Need to really stop her now. I mean, really adorable but she’s getting off the topic.
“Ermm Will, I love your babbling but…”
Then she immediately stops as she just realized that she was babbling. Her face flushes slightly in embarrassment and she coughs slightly before getting back to what she was saying.
“Oh, sorry. What I am trying to say is that I’m glad that you told me. I’m flattered that you have these…ermm feelings for me. If the timing was different, I would love to start a relationship with you now…but…”
I was surprise to hear this from her. It wasn’t something that I was expecting her to say. I mean, I was up for anger…yelling…disgust…crying…something. All the new tension in me seems to go away slowly. A part of me seems to appreciate her for not sending me away, as my hands give a slight gentle squeeze on her delicate hands, being completely grateful to her. If the timing was different, I would surely take her in my arms and kiss her face gently, making her feel that she is loved and does belong to someone…to me. When I look at her now, she looks so calm though a little bit surprised at herself. Or is it she’s really tired…hmm…but I knew there would be a ‘but’ coming and I think I know what it
is.
“…Oz is my boyfriend Buffy, and I do love him too,” said
Yep, I was right. I knew she was going to say that…not that I want to break them up because they do look so cute together and Oz is her first boyfriend. But I still feel sad about it. Apart of me really wants to explore these new…innocent feelings with her. Even with the danger of the hell mouth in this town, I still want to. Maybe along the way, who knows…good things will happen right? But even with the power of a slayer, I still do not have the heart to break
“I understand
I felt my heart was squeezing the breath out of me when I said that. If I thought it was possible, my heart would shatter into a millions of pieces slowly and painfully. With great effort, I try to lighten things up for her because I do not wish to burden her more.
“But we could see where this goes…I mean, very slowly.” Willow squeaked a little when she said this. Her beautiful face was mixed with confusion and I’m certain she still has no real idea how to deal with the information that lay before her. Yet I do see guilt in her _expression_, perhaps not wanting me to be hurt.
‘Ok, huh?’ I thought, blinking my eyes. God, my temples throbbed as my headache returned with a vengeance. ‘The dumb blond scores again.’
“I mean, I don’t want to cheat on Oz or anything…but I still need to think…actually, I don’t really know what I’m feeling right now…but can you give me some more time?”
“That’s fine with me.” The words are as listless as my limbs.
I see her smile once more forcing it past her evident exhaustion. She then pulls me into a hug and I wrap my arms around her neck and hold her tightly. Her body heat was really comforting and I closed my eyes with a sigh. Before I knew it, she’s lying on her bed and I was nearly on top of her but I still didn’t want to let go of her. I could hold her forever this way.
“
She remained quiet for awhile and I heard a soft yes. I pulled back and smiled at her. I wanted to give her a goodnight kiss, but I feel it is too soon for
“
“Yes Buffy?”
“Thank you.”
I could feel her smile as we both slept peacefully…for tomorrow there’s school to go to.
tbc
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